Lost of a child is a grief to a mother,
Lost of his wife is a grief to her husband,
Lost of a dream is a grief to a pursuer,
all leads to heartbroken......
we go to denial because the lost is unthinkable,
so we let go and move into acceptance,
grief may be a thing we all have in common,
yet, it looks different on everyone,
It's not only death we have to grief,
is life, is lost, is changes sometimes,
and when we wonder why it sucks so much,
or it hurts too badly,
the thing we gonna to remember is to turn it on and dine,
So, when it hurts so much till you can't breathe,
this is how you survive.....
till one day, somehow, impossibly,
it won't feel this way, then it won't hurt this much,
But, the really crappy thing, the worst part of this,
is that you can't control it and let it go is all we can,
Still, the very worst part is that the minute you think you passed,
it starts all over again,
and always everytime it takes your breathe away...
Showing posts with label lesson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesson. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The power of LOVE :)
After a superb trip to welly and christchurch, i think God wants me to learn what we called the power of LOVE. It was quite amazing when i realise that the power of LOVE supress ALL. First and the foremost, I had seen through the power of love between couples. A relationship of christians is not just dating, yet it's a courtship which is romance with wisdom controlling it so the romance can soar. In order to truly lay the relationship down at god's feet, both parties had to part with them. From the relationship of my friends, i can see that they are striving their best to make the romance work, not in their way, but in god's way instead. A strong foundation is so important to make the long term works, to not to hurt each other, to sustain the love. It takes so much efforts, commitments, willingnesses, wisdoms and courages of course.
Then, here comes the power of LOVE between friends. During the trip, two of my friends angry with each other for a small matters for almost a day. Yet, forget and forgive is the value which God wants me to learn from this. And of course God wants me to learn how to deal with people who get angry and bitter easily with patience. I did do my very best to become the peacemaker. Although i just done what i should, yet i did learn a lots which is more than i could imagine actually. If i could not bear with it, i might just give both of them a slap within saying anything. Yet, i know i couldn't actually do it as it would only make things worst and it doesn't bring any good anyhow. God's command- love others as much as He loves us. And i believe that we will be loved if we willing to love people with an accepting heart. Have a BIG heart people!!! :)
Well, i'm reading ''boys meet girls'' by Joshua Harris to have a deeper understanding about romance which God wants - courtship. Following by '' I kissed date goodbye'' by Joshua Harris too!! :) Both are good books which helps us to have a deeper understanding about romance. Well, God will provide someone who suits you, who you need, who love you, who care about you, who need you, who is willing to sleep in the same bed with you till you get old, who will take your hand and walk through ALL :)
Then, here comes the power of LOVE between friends. During the trip, two of my friends angry with each other for a small matters for almost a day. Yet, forget and forgive is the value which God wants me to learn from this. And of course God wants me to learn how to deal with people who get angry and bitter easily with patience. I did do my very best to become the peacemaker. Although i just done what i should, yet i did learn a lots which is more than i could imagine actually. If i could not bear with it, i might just give both of them a slap within saying anything. Yet, i know i couldn't actually do it as it would only make things worst and it doesn't bring any good anyhow. God's command- love others as much as He loves us. And i believe that we will be loved if we willing to love people with an accepting heart. Have a BIG heart people!!! :)
Well, i'm reading ''boys meet girls'' by Joshua Harris to have a deeper understanding about romance which God wants - courtship. Following by '' I kissed date goodbye'' by Joshua Harris too!! :) Both are good books which helps us to have a deeper understanding about romance. Well, God will provide someone who suits you, who you need, who love you, who care about you, who need you, who is willing to sleep in the same bed with you till you get old, who will take your hand and walk through ALL :)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
arrogance
Hmm...finally, left the last to go, yet it's hard...
Yesterday, the ugly me came out and pissed him off.
Why am i so arrogant??
why am i so capricious,muleheaded??
maybe it's exam fever...
but i still need to control myself,
i still need to behave myself,
i still need to have the patience(which is so hard for me to earn)!!!
The guiltiness overwhelming my head and soul from last night till now,
albeit he is not angry anymore.
Yet, sorry seems to be the hardest to say...indeed, i can't spill it out from my mouth due to my ego and arrogance.
He is someone who is near to perfect,
someone who is more precise than me in doing task,
someone who has the patience which i don't really have,
someone who care and love people via words and actions,
someone who is knowledgable, smart, charming,
someone who you might think he is witty but he's not,
someone who always build me up instead of drag me down,
someone who i love to chat and grumble with and listen to,
someone who love origami, romance movie, love songs & starting to hum chinese songs,
someone who take very good care of his health, even teach me how to eat healthily,
someone who always help me to remember what i forgot most of the time (keys!!!)
Thanks God for showing me such a nice person who is becoming a mentor of me,
God,
change me to a better one,
change me to someone who can be able to do Your great works,
change me to someone who can be able to serve Your people,
change me to someone who a christian girl should be...
change me O Lord....
Yesterday, the ugly me came out and pissed him off.
Why am i so arrogant??
why am i so capricious,muleheaded??
maybe it's exam fever...
but i still need to control myself,
i still need to behave myself,
i still need to have the patience(which is so hard for me to earn)!!!
The guiltiness overwhelming my head and soul from last night till now,
albeit he is not angry anymore.
Yet, sorry seems to be the hardest to say...indeed, i can't spill it out from my mouth due to my ego and arrogance.
He is someone who is near to perfect,
someone who is more precise than me in doing task,
someone who has the patience which i don't really have,
someone who care and love people via words and actions,
someone who is knowledgable, smart, charming,
someone who you might think he is witty but he's not,
someone who always build me up instead of drag me down,
someone who i love to chat and grumble with and listen to,
someone who love origami, romance movie, love songs & starting to hum chinese songs,
someone who take very good care of his health, even teach me how to eat healthily,
someone who always help me to remember what i forgot most of the time (keys!!!)
Thanks God for showing me such a nice person who is becoming a mentor of me,
God,
change me to a better one,
change me to someone who can be able to do Your great works,
change me to someone who can be able to serve Your people,
change me to someone who a christian girl should be...
change me O Lord....
Friday, May 14, 2010
When there's only a little time left....
sigh....sigh...SIGH....
when there's only a little time left, i wish it could be duplicated.
when there's only a little time left, everything become a little less.
when there's only a little time left, i lost my way and focus.
when there's only a little time left, i wish to step on the brake.
when there's only a little time left, i hope to halt the time.
when there's only a little time left, biological clock goes in wrong way.
when there's only a little time left, every obligations is being juggled.
when there's only a little time left, negative thoughts all come up.
when there's only a little time left, i am becoming someone who is so impatient!!!
really unbearable to my impatience, REALLY!!!
my mood swing is jz so random and terrible, worst i could say.
he say ''be more patient. No use to yell at the food as it will not be cooked any faster.''
he say ''be more patient. I am trying my best to wash faster, sorry.''
he say ''be more patient. The singer will not sing for you eventually.''
I wonder why i am becoming so so so grumpy and naggy!!!
Devotion today :
''whatever you do,work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (colossians 3:23) ''
In the busyness of life, it's easy to only give a half-hearted effort, it's easy to become impatient in dealing things. There's so much to do and so many insignificant, monotonous tasks that need to be completed even though you don't really feel like doing it and so we often try to get by with giving only a small amount of energy. But, that's so wrong because things will never turn out well if we didn't really give our heart on it, it will never ever be good enough to glorify His name.
I reckon this is all i have to learn to become a better person. No matter in personal growth, daily life or in academic and even in social life, i should work at them with all my heart. I should focus and give my best in the small things then it will flow through in to all the other areas of my life. Should really really be more patient, less grouchy, or else will grow old super fast!!! :(
(Upon looking around the playground He noticed me coming His way and the change in me is remarkable) --i really really wish i could say it out loudly and proudly one day!!! :)
when there's only a little time left, i wish it could be duplicated.
when there's only a little time left, everything become a little less.
when there's only a little time left, i lost my way and focus.
when there's only a little time left, i wish to step on the brake.
when there's only a little time left, i hope to halt the time.
when there's only a little time left, biological clock goes in wrong way.
when there's only a little time left, every obligations is being juggled.
when there's only a little time left, negative thoughts all come up.
when there's only a little time left, i am becoming someone who is so impatient!!!
really unbearable to my impatience, REALLY!!!
my mood swing is jz so random and terrible, worst i could say.
he say ''be more patient. No use to yell at the food as it will not be cooked any faster.''
he say ''be more patient. I am trying my best to wash faster, sorry.''
he say ''be more patient. The singer will not sing for you eventually.''
I wonder why i am becoming so so so grumpy and naggy!!!
Devotion today :
''whatever you do,work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. (colossians 3:23) ''
In the busyness of life, it's easy to only give a half-hearted effort, it's easy to become impatient in dealing things. There's so much to do and so many insignificant, monotonous tasks that need to be completed even though you don't really feel like doing it and so we often try to get by with giving only a small amount of energy. But, that's so wrong because things will never turn out well if we didn't really give our heart on it, it will never ever be good enough to glorify His name.
I reckon this is all i have to learn to become a better person. No matter in personal growth, daily life or in academic and even in social life, i should work at them with all my heart. I should focus and give my best in the small things then it will flow through in to all the other areas of my life. Should really really be more patient, less grouchy, or else will grow old super fast!!! :(
(Upon looking around the playground He noticed me coming His way and the change in me is remarkable) --i really really wish i could say it out loudly and proudly one day!!! :)
Saturday, April 24, 2010
It's Your L.O.V.E......
This song sing my heart out...
Today, early in the morning, i have lifegroup bible study,we learn about whole chapter of Ephesian 3, it's really awesome. Because i found out that the whole chapter speaks to me.
I have to admit that I am that kind of shy and discouraged person. It could be said that ''i'm not that friendly and approacable to everyone.''. But, i'm really really trying my very best to say ''hi'' to everybody that i bump to no matter where and who. Yet, i feel that i always do insufficiently...It's jz not enough. And the result of my 'hard-to-approach'' to people, i have less friends...less trusted friends who i can really speak to, who i can pour my heart to, who i can study with and who i can grumble to. So, i'm becoming more quiet now...well,isn't people call maybe you're getting more mature so less in talking but choose to listen more instead?? Hmmm....i don't think so...i jz reckon that i'm not alright...How could a person who likes to talk and share, as time flies, she is becoming more and more introvert and quiet?? Well...i wonder who am i now...hmmm..a very good question to think about...
Well, about love, not about the ''BGR'' one, what i actually mean is about the love for people around me. Hmmm, i seem to be selfish nowadays or i jz don't know how to open my mouth and invite or offer. I used to love people so much. But, now, i found it's so hard for me to open my mouth to offer, like ask people want to taste the food that i order. Hmm...i wonder why...maybe i scare..i fear..that i maybe burst out with something wrong through my mouth. This is what people call lack of confidence and faith?? I suppose....i dislike myself being like this..it's jz something i can't accept and allow myself to have..THE SELFISHNESS!!! =((
I'm someone who is torn but still alive because of His Love.
I'm someone who is so unworthy to receive His Love everyday but He tells me that ''You're worthy, my girl.''.
I'm someone who is not pretty enough but He whispers to me that'' You're beautiful in my eyes''.
I'm someone who is so selfish, someone who don't know how to love, but He says '' You're willing to learn, you have the heart for it, you're not selfish, you're jz don't know where to start to love, jz sometimes find it hard to express your love to others. But, in my eyes, You're lovely.''
Lord, if i ever not know and believe you, i wouldn't have the faith to believe myself. If You not ever love me, i wouldn't grasp how wide, how deep, how immeasurable, how indescridable...How GREAT is Your LOVE!!!
'In Him through faith in him we way approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.'' ephesian 3:12-13
It's Your Love...I'm worthy...I'm beautiful...I'm who you specially made...I'm unashamed..
Because of Your Love...I'm trusting...I'm learning...I'm crawling out from my fear...i'm doing my best for You...
In You, i have FAITH.
Monday, April 12, 2010
So Don't Care!!!
somethings matter, somethings don't,
once you had done your very best,
it's enough.....all is well.....
it applies on how you treat ppl too,
once you treat them the best you can,
it's enough.....all is well.....
sometimes you do care,
but some didn't even want to give a glance on you,
some didn't even ask how had you been,
some didn't even remember who you are,
But, ask yourself, don't you give enough love and cares?
don't you always remember ??
once you give in sufficiently,
it's enough.....all is well....
seek for your priority,
somethings we have to pay full price,
there will never be on sale,
no shortcuts for such achievements,
only endurance is the price tag for victories...
so once you give in all you can,
and leave the result to God,
it's enough....all is well...
So, to conclude, Don't Care too much about the uncertainities!!!
As He has a plan for anything, everything,
all is well :)
once you had done your very best,
it's enough.....all is well.....
it applies on how you treat ppl too,
once you treat them the best you can,
it's enough.....all is well.....
sometimes you do care,
but some didn't even want to give a glance on you,
some didn't even ask how had you been,
some didn't even remember who you are,
But, ask yourself, don't you give enough love and cares?
don't you always remember ??
once you give in sufficiently,
it's enough.....all is well....
seek for your priority,
somethings we have to pay full price,
there will never be on sale,
no shortcuts for such achievements,
only endurance is the price tag for victories...
so once you give in all you can,
and leave the result to God,
it's enough....all is well...
So, to conclude, Don't Care too much about the uncertainities!!!
As He has a plan for anything, everything,
all is well :)
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Here in Your presence....
'' Here in Your presence we are undone,
Here in Your presence heaven and earth become one,
Here in Your presence all things are new,
Here in Your presence everything bow before You.''
hmm....this song strikes my heart strongly today during worship, esp the first and the last phrase. In His presence, we are undone. We are jz someone who is being bornt newly. In front of Him, i felt so broken....jz someone who is so incomplete in all ways. Sometimes, i wonder why He still love me as i am so terrible and useless?? Coz His love is divine...is unconditionally..is so wide..is forever ever...is irreplaceable =))
Yea....in His presence everything bow before Him. I was so didn't feel like going to church today. My worries, anxieties and fear over the coming tests outweigh everything in my life, even Him. I felt so guilty as i had a really bad thought to skip church today as i knew i can't steal God's time to do things of my own. I felt so wrong when i was singing this phrase....everything has to bow before Him, nothing can outweigh Him.....jz NOTHING is more significant than Him....
I heard a voice speaking to me during the worship moment, He said ''Jane, don't you ever know everything has to bow before me?? EVERYTHING.....do your best....leave the rest to me....n bow before me!!!'' In that moment, i knew God's heart had been broken by me, He is crying as His daughter never put Him in the very first place and put trust in Him. I felt so bad...so guilty...so so condemned...
I am learning..
learning to put trust in Him..
learning to do my best n leave the rest for Him..
learning to live everyday with His presence....
learning to survive with His divine love.....
Here in Your presence heaven and earth become one,
Here in Your presence all things are new,
Here in Your presence everything bow before You.''
hmm....this song strikes my heart strongly today during worship, esp the first and the last phrase. In His presence, we are undone. We are jz someone who is being bornt newly. In front of Him, i felt so broken....jz someone who is so incomplete in all ways. Sometimes, i wonder why He still love me as i am so terrible and useless?? Coz His love is divine...is unconditionally..is so wide..is forever ever...is irreplaceable =))
Yea....in His presence everything bow before Him. I was so didn't feel like going to church today. My worries, anxieties and fear over the coming tests outweigh everything in my life, even Him. I felt so guilty as i had a really bad thought to skip church today as i knew i can't steal God's time to do things of my own. I felt so wrong when i was singing this phrase....everything has to bow before Him, nothing can outweigh Him.....jz NOTHING is more significant than Him....
I heard a voice speaking to me during the worship moment, He said ''Jane, don't you ever know everything has to bow before me?? EVERYTHING.....do your best....leave the rest to me....n bow before me!!!'' In that moment, i knew God's heart had been broken by me, He is crying as His daughter never put Him in the very first place and put trust in Him. I felt so bad...so guilty...so so condemned...
I am learning..
learning to put trust in Him..
learning to do my best n leave the rest for Him..
learning to live everyday with His presence....
learning to survive with His divine love.....
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Magnificent...
Well, easter camp had over...yet, the strong spirit of love n passion towards God is still so strong within my heart. ''Draw near, Hold fast & Go forward'' is the theme of the camp,10. Hmm, in spiritually, i had grown more n more. Drawing nearer to Him....pour out myself from inside out to Him this time....esp on saturday night. On that night, when pastor Then was holding the prayer sessions halfway in worshipping, i walked out from the crowd with one of my friend, dorothy, we kneeled down n leader approached to pray for us. We cried out our soul, our struggles, our pains to Him. For me, i always smile in front of ppl...seldom show my sadness or disappointments to ppl..seldom pour out myself to ppl...always n always pretending. However, on that night, i jz don't care how ppl look at me...i jz want Him...jz want Him comes into my life once again. The part which touches me so much is when all of the hsfy-ers hugged together n pray. We prayed for each other. We cried out our fear n pain in front of each other. We united in christ. How amazing is it?? jz pray n pray for hours....pray for each other's worries, pains, fears, problems and weaknesses......after tears dropping n praying, i felt so relieved...i felt there is peace....i felt God is always with me....walk with me =)
Then, the 2nd thing which amazed me tremendously is when all the leaders helped us to wash our feet. At first, i wonder why they want to help us to wash our feet. Then, melia told me it's because Jesus humbled himself to help his apostles to wash their feet, so do we leaders. We need to humble ourselves to serve Him n His people. Humilation and willingness with sincerity are necessities when serving. She told me that one day i will be washing ppl who i am serving too. I was like ''WOW!!!'' when serving, we need to be humble n sincere.
eugene was washing cyrus's feet.....
Lastly, dawn worship was really really impressive, which amazed me a lots. Although i did complaint that wake up by 6 am was honestly too early after a long day, but somehow it's worthy. As all of us made an effort to wake up early to worship together while waiting for the sunrise...to see the wonders of God's creations. It was really nice when all of us came together to worship Lord with our voices as there was only guitar accompaniments...so our voices outweighed the guitar's...so yea...it's pretty cool n awesome.
we started to worship from the dark......
we started to worship from the dark......
Then, slowly, there is small dim of light.......
gradually, stronger beams of light was being painted on the sky....nice right??
beams of light getting brighter n brighter....how's amazing huh??
Tada!!! daylight break through......i love it!!! how beautiful....woooottttsss!!!
So, Good morning ppl...it's a brand new day....a brand new life of all creatures...so do me =))Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The lost key...
well, i am so lost nowadays...
even possibly, jz possibly locked myself out of my room for a whole night!!!
can't even contact the landlord,
can't even break the door,
can't even call the locksmith as it's jz so expensive,
can't even study my hubs for term test this friday,
can't even do anything but jz wait and wait......
hmmm, last week was jz not my week,
heaps of annoying things happened,
was totally being involved in rumours of who prefer who, who likes who....
well, i dislike rumours as in those are jz a death wish...
nothing is true...and sometimes jz possibly destroy a friendship..
all in all, luckily, i'm not that innocent to reckon he might be, jz a little bit fall for me...
well, i am sensible enough to know that he is jz not into me...so yea!!!
Rumours pls pls n pls STOP!!!
hmmm...after a heartbrokening one,
i would never ever expect that there'll be someone who will really fall for me...
n jz put his focus on me...accept the whole me....
mummy said 'be patient, God will give you the one who suits you, coz only Him knows you well enough....don't ever find someone jz to fill up your obssession towards love or the emptiness inside!! '
So, now, i jz not want to involve in any rumours...either it might be true or false.
If ever has someone who falls for me, pls come straight to me and say :)
i prefer someone who is brave enough to confess rather than spreading out rumours which may be fake...
So, i am a very straightforward person. Hates ppl turning here n there then eventually say out the truth. i wonder why i become more n more down to earth...maybe this stressful environment makes me becoming less emotional but rational. n Maybe this is what God wants me to be...a tough, strong, rational, sensible girl =))
about the lost key....i successfully bargain with the locksmith in order to get a reasonable price. Well, a really costly lesson for me!!! ( should have to hit my ass if i do it again!!! ) So, i promise i would never left my keys inside n locked myself outside again....NEVER!!! ( pls learn to remember to take the KEY b4 you left!!!)
even possibly, jz possibly locked myself out of my room for a whole night!!!
can't even contact the landlord,
can't even break the door,
can't even call the locksmith as it's jz so expensive,
can't even study my hubs for term test this friday,
can't even do anything but jz wait and wait......
hmmm, last week was jz not my week,
heaps of annoying things happened,
was totally being involved in rumours of who prefer who, who likes who....
well, i dislike rumours as in those are jz a death wish...
nothing is true...and sometimes jz possibly destroy a friendship..
all in all, luckily, i'm not that innocent to reckon he might be, jz a little bit fall for me...
well, i am sensible enough to know that he is jz not into me...so yea!!!
Rumours pls pls n pls STOP!!!
hmmm...after a heartbrokening one,
i would never ever expect that there'll be someone who will really fall for me...
n jz put his focus on me...accept the whole me....
mummy said 'be patient, God will give you the one who suits you, coz only Him knows you well enough....don't ever find someone jz to fill up your obssession towards love or the emptiness inside!! '
So, now, i jz not want to involve in any rumours...either it might be true or false.
If ever has someone who falls for me, pls come straight to me and say :)
i prefer someone who is brave enough to confess rather than spreading out rumours which may be fake...
So, i am a very straightforward person. Hates ppl turning here n there then eventually say out the truth. i wonder why i become more n more down to earth...maybe this stressful environment makes me becoming less emotional but rational. n Maybe this is what God wants me to be...a tough, strong, rational, sensible girl =))
about the lost key....i successfully bargain with the locksmith in order to get a reasonable price. Well, a really costly lesson for me!!! ( should have to hit my ass if i do it again!!! ) So, i promise i would never left my keys inside n locked myself outside again....NEVER!!! ( pls learn to remember to take the KEY b4 you left!!!)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
尽最大的努力
也许，有时候，
我们不明白为何父母会帮我们做决定，
不了解为何想尽方法改变我们的生活，
甚至怨恨，埋怨他们的操控我们的生命，
可是，你是否想过他们所做的是为你好？
是否明白他们的决定也许对你是最好的？
是否知道他们尽了最大的努力给你最好的？
这全都是因为你是他们的孩子，他们爱你。
爱，可以有很多方法，
每个人表达爱的方式不同，
有人只选择付出，
有人只选择等待，
有人却选择放开，给对方自由，
有人也选择承担，隐藏全部，
有人却会为爱人尽自己最大的努力。
我爸妈为了我尽他们最大的努力让我出国读书，
一开始，我却选择怨恨，埋怨，
从来都没有为他们着想，分担，
这一次，应该换我为了他们尽我最大的努力，
就算跌倒了，也要再爬起来，再尝试，
不管这旅途有多艰难害怕，都不要放弃，
因为爱，让学会我尽最大的努力 =)
看见爸爸劳累的背影，觉得他老了，我该长大了。。。
will do my very best for them as they do theirs for me..... =))
我们不明白为何父母会帮我们做决定，
不了解为何想尽方法改变我们的生活，
甚至怨恨，埋怨他们的操控我们的生命，
可是，你是否想过他们所做的是为你好？
是否明白他们的决定也许对你是最好的？
是否知道他们尽了最大的努力给你最好的？
这全都是因为你是他们的孩子，他们爱你。
爱，可以有很多方法，
每个人表达爱的方式不同，
有人只选择付出，
有人只选择等待，
有人却选择放开，给对方自由，
有人也选择承担，隐藏全部，
有人却会为爱人尽自己最大的努力。
我爸妈为了我尽他们最大的努力让我出国读书，
一开始，我却选择怨恨，埋怨，
从来都没有为他们着想，分担，
这一次，应该换我为了他们尽我最大的努力，
就算跌倒了，也要再爬起来，再尝试，
不管这旅途有多艰难害怕，都不要放弃，
因为爱，让学会我尽最大的努力 =)
看见爸爸劳累的背影，觉得他老了，我该长大了。。。
will do my very best for them as they do theirs for me..... =))
Monday, February 22, 2010
a summary before the new episodes are going to start
Well, i had great times back home this trip although i am encountering with some emotional and relationship problems. However, it was really great that through all this, i had grown more n more in Him. As His divine love endures me through the hardest and broken parts of life.
Today, in the airport, i saw a lots of touching scene. I saw love is all around us yet it's matter on whether we had discovered its either exist or not. There are bunch of friends send off one of their loved one to somewhere. They hug to each others with tears in eyes and mumbled words in ears. It's love among peers. Then, i saw a couple who are going to be separated temporary embrace each other to chest and eventually let go their hands with feelings of not keen to say ''goodbye''. It's love among couples. Lastly,it's my turn to go into the check in counter as the clock stucked to half past 6. I saw mum's eye has already full with tears. I saw dad's unbearable sadness in face. I saw sis's fake n awful smile on face. When the moments we hug each other, my disobidient tears fall non-stopping. I don't even dare to turn my face back to wave with them as i know they are waving to me outside the gate. Isn't called love of family?? My leaving builds up the incredibly stronger relationship in family. Isn't a great things to praise Lord insteads of giving too much complaints and blames??
Well, Birth giving is undeniably a very painful process. Yet, it always birth something new, better and awesome. It could be described as if in a process of letting go a broken relationship of mine. Perhaps, it's indeed a very heart-striking and painful process yet i did learn something new which probably increase my maturity level in handling emotions n problems. Sometimes, God will challenge you through a painful incident or past to teach you how to be rational in handling differents people and problems, either you want to escape from the incoming problems or encountering with your brave soul and heart. I used to choose the earlier one yet this time i am going to take the latter one as my only choice. No more being shaken by various situations.
Haha...i watch a movie on plane today which is on titled ''He's just not into you'' by Jennifer Aniston, Ben Attrack and lots ppl. But, ben is really a cool looking guy (macho guy =D). It teaches me that sometimes happy ending might be picking up the broken parts, framing those broken ones again and just move on as he's just not into you!!! So, what's i going to do is ''just move on!!! Giving in all i can to serve God and ppl but not to wait to be served!!! n My very priority is to study hard to pursue my dream and to glorify His name.'' What mum said is so true '' If you wish to serve people in medical field, either treating the sick to recover or helping people with their teeth, firstly you have to strive hard to fit yourself a place in that field, not just by saying but actions are need to be taken =D ''
Here, i really want to give thanks to Him. Although challenges are given non-stopping and there would be more n more in the coming days, yet, i still want to give thanks.
'' Give thanks with the grateful heart,
Give thanks to the holy one,
Give thanks because he's given,
Jesus Christ, He is the one,
and now let the weak say ''i am strong'',
let the poor say ''i am rich'',
because of what the Lord had done for us,
GIVE THANKS. ''
This hymn lull me to sleep tonight. I promise that no more ''insomnia'', no more ''haunted by the past''....MOVE ON and GIVE THANKS =D
Today, in the airport, i saw a lots of touching scene. I saw love is all around us yet it's matter on whether we had discovered its either exist or not. There are bunch of friends send off one of their loved one to somewhere. They hug to each others with tears in eyes and mumbled words in ears. It's love among peers. Then, i saw a couple who are going to be separated temporary embrace each other to chest and eventually let go their hands with feelings of not keen to say ''goodbye''. It's love among couples. Lastly,it's my turn to go into the check in counter as the clock stucked to half past 6. I saw mum's eye has already full with tears. I saw dad's unbearable sadness in face. I saw sis's fake n awful smile on face. When the moments we hug each other, my disobidient tears fall non-stopping. I don't even dare to turn my face back to wave with them as i know they are waving to me outside the gate. Isn't called love of family?? My leaving builds up the incredibly stronger relationship in family. Isn't a great things to praise Lord insteads of giving too much complaints and blames??
Well, Birth giving is undeniably a very painful process. Yet, it always birth something new, better and awesome. It could be described as if in a process of letting go a broken relationship of mine. Perhaps, it's indeed a very heart-striking and painful process yet i did learn something new which probably increase my maturity level in handling emotions n problems. Sometimes, God will challenge you through a painful incident or past to teach you how to be rational in handling differents people and problems, either you want to escape from the incoming problems or encountering with your brave soul and heart. I used to choose the earlier one yet this time i am going to take the latter one as my only choice. No more being shaken by various situations.
Haha...i watch a movie on plane today which is on titled ''He's just not into you'' by Jennifer Aniston, Ben Attrack and lots ppl. But, ben is really a cool looking guy (macho guy =D). It teaches me that sometimes happy ending might be picking up the broken parts, framing those broken ones again and just move on as he's just not into you!!! So, what's i going to do is ''just move on!!! Giving in all i can to serve God and ppl but not to wait to be served!!! n My very priority is to study hard to pursue my dream and to glorify His name.'' What mum said is so true '' If you wish to serve people in medical field, either treating the sick to recover or helping people with their teeth, firstly you have to strive hard to fit yourself a place in that field, not just by saying but actions are need to be taken =D ''
Here, i really want to give thanks to Him. Although challenges are given non-stopping and there would be more n more in the coming days, yet, i still want to give thanks.
'' Give thanks with the grateful heart,
Give thanks to the holy one,
Give thanks because he's given,
Jesus Christ, He is the one,
and now let the weak say ''i am strong'',
let the poor say ''i am rich'',
because of what the Lord had done for us,
GIVE THANKS. ''
This hymn lull me to sleep tonight. I promise that no more ''insomnia'', no more ''haunted by the past''....MOVE ON and GIVE THANKS =D
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
past tense?? past perfect tense??
Today, me and jensen sit at astaka and had a good chat. I pour out something in my heart which i had bear for days to him. I don't know who to talk to or who are willing to listen to me or jz give me a hug n let me cry on his/her shoudler. After pouring out all, Jensen said ''It has already became past tense...no!! It was past perfect tense!!!'' He told me '' i know...i know how you feel, i know and see everything actually. I know they are good, sit together in tuition, meet each other for lunch n break and lots...i know but i don't want to tell you...coz i know you will cry...your tears will fall...i know how weak actually you are!!! Girl, it has already became past tense..no!!! It was past perfect tense!!! Go n pursue your dream!!! Keep your lies if you think you both will be better!!! Be arrogance as me!!! no need to smile to everyone if you don't feel like!!! That'll be tiring Girl!!! Keep your smile to ppl that will treasure n cherish!! You are beautiful Girl, someone i trust n trust me, someone who are kind enough yet fragile, someone who always persist to finish all, someone who is strong inside out but needs support . Be good to yourself girl pls as you deserve more!!!''
After hearing all this, my mind keep on flashing out ''he n she is good!!is good!! what should i do??'' So, tears fall as usual. Daddy comes to me, hand in me a book which is named ''BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!!!'' Daddy didn't ask more. He jz hug me n said '' if it's painful enough, shout it out. If it's sad enough, cry it out. If it's a past, let it out. '' I jz cried like a baby..non-stop!!! My face was so painful everytime i smile or talk. It had been so hard for me to take bath with face like that. I had lost my appetite for days..not consume any food but jz drink. It had been felt so uncertain to my result, visa, course approval stuffs, first aid course, eng diagnostic test and the journey i am going to walk on. I had been so reckless n broken when i told him that there got guys treat me good as it is jz a lie. I didn't really open up to ppl, didn't really put trust on ppl or didn't really have the hope in ppl. Coz i fear!! fear about the ignorance....fear bout the lost.....jz so fear!!! But, who knows as i never said....never ever complain....never ever tell ppl bout how i feel...never ever cry in front of ppl...never ever. I jz remain silence...silence all the times...
Then, here comes God when i open my devotional book ''word for today''. Title today is '' The battle is over!!'' The verse is ''....tell...[your children]....the mighty things i have done...'' Exodus (10:2). It's not enough to escape your past. Rather, its power over you must be broken, otherwise it'll chase you the rest of your life. When you break away from something that keeps trying to recapture you, it's crucial to get victory over it--otherwise you can't move forward and enjoy the blessing God has in mind for you. It's jarring to think something's over only to find it isn't. But remember, God wants you to see that when you put trust in Him, obstacles and opposition mean nothing. He wants this experience to be a ''landmark memory'' you draw faith from when you face your next problem. It may have been the story of your past, but it'd no longer the truth about your future.
Lastly, God can solve your problems in different ways, but sometimes He takes you through the Red Sea so that when you get to the other side you can look back n see Pharaoh and his armies ''dead on the seashore'' (exodus 14:30) AND KNOW THE BATTLE IS OVER!!! IT'S ALL OVER!!
After hearing all this, my mind keep on flashing out ''he n she is good!!is good!! what should i do??'' So, tears fall as usual. Daddy comes to me, hand in me a book which is named ''BE GOOD TO YOURSELF!!!'' Daddy didn't ask more. He jz hug me n said '' if it's painful enough, shout it out. If it's sad enough, cry it out. If it's a past, let it out. '' I jz cried like a baby..non-stop!!! My face was so painful everytime i smile or talk. It had been so hard for me to take bath with face like that. I had lost my appetite for days..not consume any food but jz drink. It had been felt so uncertain to my result, visa, course approval stuffs, first aid course, eng diagnostic test and the journey i am going to walk on. I had been so reckless n broken when i told him that there got guys treat me good as it is jz a lie. I didn't really open up to ppl, didn't really put trust on ppl or didn't really have the hope in ppl. Coz i fear!! fear about the ignorance....fear bout the lost.....jz so fear!!! But, who knows as i never said....never ever complain....never ever tell ppl bout how i feel...never ever cry in front of ppl...never ever. I jz remain silence...silence all the times...
Then, here comes God when i open my devotional book ''word for today''. Title today is '' The battle is over!!'' The verse is ''....tell...[your children]....the mighty things i have done...'' Exodus (10:2). It's not enough to escape your past. Rather, its power over you must be broken, otherwise it'll chase you the rest of your life. When you break away from something that keeps trying to recapture you, it's crucial to get victory over it--otherwise you can't move forward and enjoy the blessing God has in mind for you. It's jarring to think something's over only to find it isn't. But remember, God wants you to see that when you put trust in Him, obstacles and opposition mean nothing. He wants this experience to be a ''landmark memory'' you draw faith from when you face your next problem. It may have been the story of your past, but it'd no longer the truth about your future.
Lastly, God can solve your problems in different ways, but sometimes He takes you through the Red Sea so that when you get to the other side you can look back n see Pharaoh and his armies ''dead on the seashore'' (exodus 14:30) AND KNOW THE BATTLE IS OVER!!! IT'S ALL OVER!!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Go with your strength, I'll stand by you.....
I was so touched by this video on how strong those AIDS patients live on their lives every single day. Pains appear when they are being injected. Sufferings occur when they are lacking of basic necessities to survive. Sorrows reveal when their loved ones passed away. Really, compares to them, indeed, we have a blissful life which is full of love and blessings. Why we still complaint or demand for more when we have already given more n much more than them???
hmm, this is a small reminder for me myself who always feel doesn't alright in everything, who always grumble for everything, who always appreciate less with what i had and am having, who has lost her faith n hope in achiving GOALS in life n on hypocrisy of peers which i fear of.
Here, i want to apologize to Lord coz i always fall asleep in service. But, today, i do remember a phrase which is delivered by pastor Mike in order for us to accomplish our massive GOALS in life. This phrase entirely hits my heart, stays in my mind, follows me in whatever i do n wherever i go.
'' Go with your strength, He will follow you, His love will sustain you.''
Friday, January 8, 2010
Sweat !? Rain?!
Attention!!! Attention!!!
weather report for today : hailing....little raindrops falling...heavy rain coming...Lastly, my dear Mr Sunshine appeared ( wooohoosss!!!) But, he stayed only for 20 mins...Then, the cycle repeated again n again =(( This is what we call ''summer'' in dunners!!! Cool enough?? Special isn't??
Here comes to what had i done for these few days. Nothing much , i did. But, I am doing something which is pretty productive!!! Although i had been sticking with the rain for 2 days, I still determined to go to exercise!!! I went to gym 2 days a week. ( I knew that 2 days can be really consider as peanut to people lah!!! ) But, at least i determined to go or at least i go =))
Why my adrenaline urging me to do some exercise nowadays??? I reckoned that God want me to search back something i had lost for so long. He wants me to gain back something what i used to have. I really really can feel His presence by my side nowadays. He are hinting me to find back something which i had lost for a long time but i didn't realize. Yet. He knows, He reminds, He cares.......
On wednesday, i went to play badminton with andrew n raymond. AAAWWWWW!!! I was kinda excited when i was holding the racquet which i had not hold it for months. It was not my favourite racquet which i had backhome. It was jz a simple, rotted, used by heaps and an imperfect one. When i began the game with a shuttlecock leaving out of my hand, i was getting more n more excited. I love the feeling when the little shuttlecock was being hitted by me to others with my strenght. I love the way when i am playing the game seriously with strong willpower to finish the one hr game since i had not done much exercise this year.
To me, badminton is not only jz a sport game. This can be meant to life. Some don't know who is holding his racquet as like holding his life. Some reckon that he/she theirselves are holding the racquet but always out of control. Some realize that Only God who is holding the racquet and control it in every game, it might not be controlled very well or perfectly good yet, He holds it flexibly as He knows when is the time to hold tight and loose and how to use it to finish every game. Some games might lose eventually but failure is a good lesson n training for us to become stronger n stronger to fight for victory in the coming days. If we win the game, humility will become the lesson =))
Then, for today, i go to gym with andrew n melissa. I told myself to complete an half an hour running on a running machine and cycling for 15 mins n push-up for 15 mins too!!! n WOOOHOOOSSS!!! i am sweating. This is the moment which i longed for months. The salty sweats is falling down from my forehead and embracing my whole body!!! I jz love it!!! Yet, due to the unpredictable weather, my sweat is being condensed by the super chilly wind =((( n it results to the original me (never sweat previously!!!) SIENNNNNNN =.=''
Hmm...one of the reasons i go to gym n exercise is to slim down by 5kgs (it's kinda much i know). Yet, the most significant reason is i want to find back the determination, willpower, faith and passion i used to have to complete every task n challenge beautifully. I might not be the best but i want to be the '' better'' one. My resolution : shoo you fats, shoo you laziness, shoo you hopelessness!!!!
All n all, after a long hiatus, i want to come back to The Almighty Lord. He has been longing for me to return to Him, I know. He is so familiar with me yet sometimes i am not. He is always there for me yet sometimes i ignore. He loves me so much more than i can imagine n believe. Afterall, i want to surrender to him - my family, studies, church, country, peers, relationship n everything. I want to believe You n only You with all my heart n serve You n your ppl with all i have. More or less, i have, i will share n serve!!!
''Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified ; Do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go'' Joshua 1:9
weather report for today : hailing....little raindrops falling...heavy rain coming...Lastly, my dear Mr Sunshine appeared ( wooohoosss!!!) But, he stayed only for 20 mins...Then, the cycle repeated again n again =(( This is what we call ''summer'' in dunners!!! Cool enough?? Special isn't??
Here comes to what had i done for these few days. Nothing much , i did. But, I am doing something which is pretty productive!!! Although i had been sticking with the rain for 2 days, I still determined to go to exercise!!! I went to gym 2 days a week. ( I knew that 2 days can be really consider as peanut to people lah!!! ) But, at least i determined to go or at least i go =))
Why my adrenaline urging me to do some exercise nowadays??? I reckoned that God want me to search back something i had lost for so long. He wants me to gain back something what i used to have. I really really can feel His presence by my side nowadays. He are hinting me to find back something which i had lost for a long time but i didn't realize. Yet. He knows, He reminds, He cares.......
On wednesday, i went to play badminton with andrew n raymond. AAAWWWWW!!! I was kinda excited when i was holding the racquet which i had not hold it for months. It was not my favourite racquet which i had backhome. It was jz a simple, rotted, used by heaps and an imperfect one. When i began the game with a shuttlecock leaving out of my hand, i was getting more n more excited. I love the feeling when the little shuttlecock was being hitted by me to others with my strenght. I love the way when i am playing the game seriously with strong willpower to finish the one hr game since i had not done much exercise this year.
To me, badminton is not only jz a sport game. This can be meant to life. Some don't know who is holding his racquet as like holding his life. Some reckon that he/she theirselves are holding the racquet but always out of control. Some realize that Only God who is holding the racquet and control it in every game, it might not be controlled very well or perfectly good yet, He holds it flexibly as He knows when is the time to hold tight and loose and how to use it to finish every game. Some games might lose eventually but failure is a good lesson n training for us to become stronger n stronger to fight for victory in the coming days. If we win the game, humility will become the lesson =))
Then, for today, i go to gym with andrew n melissa. I told myself to complete an half an hour running on a running machine and cycling for 15 mins n push-up for 15 mins too!!! n WOOOHOOOSSS!!! i am sweating. This is the moment which i longed for months. The salty sweats is falling down from my forehead and embracing my whole body!!! I jz love it!!! Yet, due to the unpredictable weather, my sweat is being condensed by the super chilly wind =((( n it results to the original me (never sweat previously!!!) SIENNNNNNN =.=''
Hmm...one of the reasons i go to gym n exercise is to slim down by 5kgs (it's kinda much i know). Yet, the most significant reason is i want to find back the determination, willpower, faith and passion i used to have to complete every task n challenge beautifully. I might not be the best but i want to be the '' better'' one. My resolution : shoo you fats, shoo you laziness, shoo you hopelessness!!!!
All n all, after a long hiatus, i want to come back to The Almighty Lord. He has been longing for me to return to Him, I know. He is so familiar with me yet sometimes i am not. He is always there for me yet sometimes i ignore. He loves me so much more than i can imagine n believe. Afterall, i want to surrender to him - my family, studies, church, country, peers, relationship n everything. I want to believe You n only You with all my heart n serve You n your ppl with all i have. More or less, i have, i will share n serve!!!
''Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified ; Do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go'' Joshua 1:9
Monday, December 28, 2009
Ideal future spouse?? urmm??
Haha...we had grls night 2 days ago, and i am the youngest one among them (something for me to happy for =D ). As most of us are single, so we all decided to talk about what criterias, preferences, and qualities we wish our future spouses to have. Nah, to me, i didn't really think about it before as maybe either i am not mature enough or i don't really have hope to a relationship or romance. Simple saying might be i jz lose expectation, hope n faith in love after a heartbroken one.
When reached my turn to share about ''qualities n criterias of my ideal future spouse'' , i really really don't know how to start with...i jz speechless at that moment....hehe..Then, stella gave me guide to lead me in sharing. She asked me to share from 3 different aspects (physically, spiritually and emotionally) which i wish my ideal spouse has. I was like ''Huh, do i need to say it in details?? '' Without a second, all jiejie stared at me with big eyes and replied ''Yes, of course my lil grl!!!'' HMM...i was shivering man...but still i share =))
Physically,
i didn't really ask for more aye,
~ jz need to be neat!!!
~Pls deal yourself with your dressings,
so i don't need to worry for him. ( That'll be pretty nice =)
~ i prefer small eyes one =))
~ n have a great smile =))
~ somebody i can kiss then better lah!!
Spiritually,
~he must be stronger than me (inside)
~he must lead me in my growth
~he must love God more than me (for sure!!! )
~he must have strong relationship with God
~if can, i prefer he do ministry..no matter what ministry =))
~he must be someone i admire n can respect,
so i can follow him securely.
Emotionally,
~he have to be stable in his emotions
~i prefer someone who is not so emo
~prefer someone who is more sensible and thoughtful
~prefer someone who is not sensitive and have a Big-hearted
Others,
i prefer...
~adventurous than romantic type
~not too introvert n strong inside
~handy person
( know how to do something i don't really good at -cooking =))
~family-orientated person (loves kids)
~Big-Hearted, generous, not too serious
~somebody who is willing to tell me his lil lil stories
~n a good listener n advisor or reminder
~someone can inspired n impressed me...so i can follow..
~has sense of direction in his future =)))
~n someone who know how to play ACOUSTIC GUITAR n teach me how to play =))
coz i love it so much so much!!!
That's all, most importantly (which is a MUST), He is a christian man who loves God n family n can lead me in my growth or make me grow n not stay in stagnant. I don't want somebody who please me but point out my mistake to make me improve n grow in meanwhile. If there is one like i said, i reckon that he is beautiful n so beautiful in whatever he does or is doing...i will be impressed n inspired =))) REALLY!!!! i can actually for go the physical part but spiritual n emotional do take a significant role.....
After the sharings, what i learnt is to set an ideal spouse who i can give my heart to. It's because everyone's heart is fragile, once it's broken, it need so much time to be mended. n Hope towards love have to be roused again. He might not fulfill all preferences i desire, yet, at least he has to be close to them. Jiejiesss said '' so u won't easily fall for friends around you!!! keep n guide ur heart carefully...u still young =))) n if u meet someone who is willing to let u step into his life or vice versa n can make u grow spiritually n emotionally, he might be the one as he closes to what u want but the attraction is vital as well...then try to work it out =)) If no attraction but fulfill all ur desire....that's still no point...But, afterall, God will prepare the BEST ONE for u coz He knows you the best!!! ''
A good sharing n lesson =)) i love you all =)) Thank you!!!
When reached my turn to share about ''qualities n criterias of my ideal future spouse'' , i really really don't know how to start with...i jz speechless at that moment....hehe..Then, stella gave me guide to lead me in sharing. She asked me to share from 3 different aspects (physically, spiritually and emotionally) which i wish my ideal spouse has. I was like ''Huh, do i need to say it in details?? '' Without a second, all jiejie stared at me with big eyes and replied ''Yes, of course my lil grl!!!'' HMM...i was shivering man...but still i share =))
Physically,
i didn't really ask for more aye,
~ jz need to be neat!!!
~Pls deal yourself with your dressings,
so i don't need to worry for him. ( That'll be pretty nice =)
~ i prefer small eyes one =))
~ n have a great smile =))
~ somebody i can kiss then better lah!!
Spiritually,
~he must be stronger than me (inside)
~he must lead me in my growth
~he must love God more than me (for sure!!! )
~he must have strong relationship with God
~if can, i prefer he do ministry..no matter what ministry =))
~he must be someone i admire n can respect,
so i can follow him securely.
Emotionally,
~he have to be stable in his emotions
~i prefer someone who is not so emo
~prefer someone who is more sensible and thoughtful
~prefer someone who is not sensitive and have a Big-hearted
Others,
i prefer...
~adventurous than romantic type
~not too introvert n strong inside
~handy person
( know how to do something i don't really good at -cooking =))
~family-orientated person (loves kids)
~Big-Hearted, generous, not too serious
~somebody who is willing to tell me his lil lil stories
~n a good listener n advisor or reminder
~someone can inspired n impressed me...so i can follow..
~has sense of direction in his future =)))
~n someone who know how to play ACOUSTIC GUITAR n teach me how to play =))
coz i love it so much so much!!!
That's all, most importantly (which is a MUST), He is a christian man who loves God n family n can lead me in my growth or make me grow n not stay in stagnant. I don't want somebody who please me but point out my mistake to make me improve n grow in meanwhile. If there is one like i said, i reckon that he is beautiful n so beautiful in whatever he does or is doing...i will be impressed n inspired =))) REALLY!!!! i can actually for go the physical part but spiritual n emotional do take a significant role.....
After the sharings, what i learnt is to set an ideal spouse who i can give my heart to. It's because everyone's heart is fragile, once it's broken, it need so much time to be mended. n Hope towards love have to be roused again. He might not fulfill all preferences i desire, yet, at least he has to be close to them. Jiejiesss said '' so u won't easily fall for friends around you!!! keep n guide ur heart carefully...u still young =))) n if u meet someone who is willing to let u step into his life or vice versa n can make u grow spiritually n emotionally, he might be the one as he closes to what u want but the attraction is vital as well...then try to work it out =)) If no attraction but fulfill all ur desire....that's still no point...But, afterall, God will prepare the BEST ONE for u coz He knows you the best!!! ''
A good sharing n lesson =)) i love you all =)) Thank you!!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
irealizedthatiamsolousy!!!
More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of word's,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.
I just want you jesus, i just want you my lord,
I just want you jeses, i just want you.
Never could i comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could i be with you,
But you love covers all of my sin.
I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus i just want you.
There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's god.
There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's.
I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus,
I just want you,
Jesus!!!
(album: deeper, planetshakers)
Listening to this song almost 30 times today in lib albeit i failed to download it.....sigh=(((
In this solitude with only God n me in a quiet corner of lib today, i realized...........
p/s i am so weak so weak today. Body is weak, Soul is weak and mind is even weaker....jz not alright today!!! Felt there is something lost...i did terribly in something....Sorry Lord, i failed to glorify Your Name nowadays no matter in what i say n do....i felt so sorry....Heart is full of guiltiness and fear. I felt guilty....can't able to do somethings which can make daddy mummy proud of but did somethings which probably will make them disappointed with me!!!
AHHHHHH.........tears dropping so naturally without any strong holding back...........
can i have ''Less me More You'' in my life??
I just want You, Jesus!!!
More than the sweetest of word's,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.
I just want you jesus, i just want you my lord,
I just want you jeses, i just want you.
Never could i comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could i be with you,
But you love covers all of my sin.
I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus i just want you.
There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's god.
There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's.
I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus,
I just want you,
Jesus!!!
(album: deeper, planetshakers)
Listening to this song almost 30 times today in lib albeit i failed to download it.....sigh=(((
In this solitude with only God n me in a quiet corner of lib today, i realized...........
p/s i am so weak so weak today. Body is weak, Soul is weak and mind is even weaker....jz not alright today!!! Felt there is something lost...i did terribly in something....Sorry Lord, i failed to glorify Your Name nowadays no matter in what i say n do....i felt so sorry....Heart is full of guiltiness and fear. I felt guilty....can't able to do somethings which can make daddy mummy proud of but did somethings which probably will make them disappointed with me!!!
AHHHHHH.........tears dropping so naturally without any strong holding back...........
can i have ''Less me More You'' in my life??
I just want You, Jesus!!!
Monday, November 30, 2009
BRAKE!!! brake!!!
girl, u really need to step on your brake before you go into more deeper parts!!!
well, let's all the ridiculous thoughts and missings bygones......
Phew!!! completely screwed up by my chem test today!!! i jz felt so tired and discouraged...sigh...
i am trying so hard ( try my very very best to smile everyday =) ) , yet, why i am jz felt myself broken inside?? why there's seems no remedies to cure or to jz wound it up temporarily?? If can, permanently will be great, don't you think so??
hmm...i realized so much lesson of life nowadays. I had a heart-to-heart chat these few days with my vietnam friend, ben. We chatted about dream of life, love and romance, academic life, family, friendship and etc. Well, we both are very well-acted hypocrite..we jz hide every emotion and mood to ourselves. We jz keep on trying our best to hang on the smile till the end albeit we know the result of the end is so uncertain and may not have chances to long for what we really pursue in our life.
Hmm, he was forced to going back to his home country either to continue his studies or do somethings else his parents wish him to do. He was not happy at all, i noticed. But, but, he was still hang on a charming smile all days. Yet, one day before the last physic lab we had....here comes our heart-to-heart convo....
Jane : '' why you seem down in the dumps today?? are you alright??''
ben : '' didn't i look fine?? i am fine what!!!=)) ''
Jane : ''well, u didn't seem alright okay!!! u jz look so down with a fake smile!!''
ben : ''hmm...how you notice i am not ok?? isn't too obvious??''
Jane : '' hmm...yea...kinda obvious!!! kekekeke!!! well, come on, what was happening??''
ben : '' i need to leave next year. will not be staying for HSFY.''
Jane (stunned face) : '' huh?? really?? why??''
ben (laughing) : '' jz 3 word u said!!! HAHA, u r funny girl!! ''
Jane ( confused expression) : '' wei, better tell me the reason!!! ''
ben: hey, why owen don't want to start the lab now?? already 15 mins gone!!!''
Jane ( stared at him angrily) : ehh...u ah...don't try to tune channel k?? u haven't tell me why!!
don't try to hide k...say out will be better dude!!
ben : well, it's family matters!!!
Jane : okay then...since you don't want to pour it out, i will not force. So, u wanna to stay here
right?? wish to achieve your dream har??
ben : Of course!!! don't ask me silly ques...i bet you know the asnwer!!!
Jane : okay...you don't climb up to my head!!! n watch out...i will bully u till the day u leave!!!
............................................................................................................................................................
These are only one part of the convo....short but interesting!!!
hmm...i felt bad for him, really!!! albeit he didn't want to pour out the reasons, yet i knew he didn't feel good to go back as he told me that foundy cert is no longer significant to him...so he started to miss classes....It's what we called discouraged isn't?? give up somethings we long for?? let go somethings we want so much?? What we long for is not what the life we have now!!! So, do we have the priority and right to choose b4 everything is jz well-planned by people around us??
Do we have the chances to hold on to something we wish so much??? or expectation will jz bring us down everytime?? ( That's something i can't understand....i jz can't understand why most of the expectations we have or we are looking forwards will jz fail us?! Then why we still expect?? )
That's question i keep on questioning myself....can't figure out why!!! Finding so hard to search for the answer.....arghhh...might jz either leave it or jz jz don't think too much??
i discover that solitude will let my thoughts and imaginations overflow....heaps n heaps of ridiculous thoughts and ques will jz pop out from my mind out of the sudden...isn't one way to grow up and understand the life's lesson ??
Hmm....daddy always say '' girl, don't think too much, things will turn the way God want it to be!!! You jz summit all to Him!!! ''
The matter of hearts, the struggling feelings, the insecure ones and the broken spirits n souls....i want to love you all with a BIG HEART!!!
''The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34 :18) =)))
well, let's all the ridiculous thoughts and missings bygones......
Phew!!! completely screwed up by my chem test today!!! i jz felt so tired and discouraged...sigh...
i am trying so hard ( try my very very best to smile everyday =) ) , yet, why i am jz felt myself broken inside?? why there's seems no remedies to cure or to jz wound it up temporarily?? If can, permanently will be great, don't you think so??
hmm...i realized so much lesson of life nowadays. I had a heart-to-heart chat these few days with my vietnam friend, ben. We chatted about dream of life, love and romance, academic life, family, friendship and etc. Well, we both are very well-acted hypocrite..we jz hide every emotion and mood to ourselves. We jz keep on trying our best to hang on the smile till the end albeit we know the result of the end is so uncertain and may not have chances to long for what we really pursue in our life.
Hmm, he was forced to going back to his home country either to continue his studies or do somethings else his parents wish him to do. He was not happy at all, i noticed. But, but, he was still hang on a charming smile all days. Yet, one day before the last physic lab we had....here comes our heart-to-heart convo....
Jane : '' why you seem down in the dumps today?? are you alright??''
ben : '' didn't i look fine?? i am fine what!!!=)) ''
Jane : ''well, u didn't seem alright okay!!! u jz look so down with a fake smile!!''
ben : ''hmm...how you notice i am not ok?? isn't too obvious??''
Jane : '' hmm...yea...kinda obvious!!! kekekeke!!! well, come on, what was happening??''
ben : '' i need to leave next year. will not be staying for HSFY.''
Jane (stunned face) : '' huh?? really?? why??''
ben (laughing) : '' jz 3 word u said!!! HAHA, u r funny girl!! ''
Jane ( confused expression) : '' wei, better tell me the reason!!! ''
ben: hey, why owen don't want to start the lab now?? already 15 mins gone!!!''
Jane ( stared at him angrily) : ehh...u ah...don't try to tune channel k?? u haven't tell me why!!
don't try to hide k...say out will be better dude!!
ben : well, it's family matters!!!
Jane : okay then...since you don't want to pour it out, i will not force. So, u wanna to stay here
right?? wish to achieve your dream har??
ben : Of course!!! don't ask me silly ques...i bet you know the asnwer!!!
Jane : okay...you don't climb up to my head!!! n watch out...i will bully u till the day u leave!!!
............................................................................................................................................................
These are only one part of the convo....short but interesting!!!
hmm...i felt bad for him, really!!! albeit he didn't want to pour out the reasons, yet i knew he didn't feel good to go back as he told me that foundy cert is no longer significant to him...so he started to miss classes....It's what we called discouraged isn't?? give up somethings we long for?? let go somethings we want so much?? What we long for is not what the life we have now!!! So, do we have the priority and right to choose b4 everything is jz well-planned by people around us??
Do we have the chances to hold on to something we wish so much??? or expectation will jz bring us down everytime?? ( That's something i can't understand....i jz can't understand why most of the expectations we have or we are looking forwards will jz fail us?! Then why we still expect?? )
That's question i keep on questioning myself....can't figure out why!!! Finding so hard to search for the answer.....arghhh...might jz either leave it or jz jz don't think too much??
i discover that solitude will let my thoughts and imaginations overflow....heaps n heaps of ridiculous thoughts and ques will jz pop out from my mind out of the sudden...isn't one way to grow up and understand the life's lesson ??
Hmm....daddy always say '' girl, don't think too much, things will turn the way God want it to be!!! You jz summit all to Him!!! ''
The matter of hearts, the struggling feelings, the insecure ones and the broken spirits n souls....i want to love you all with a BIG HEART!!!
''The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34 :18) =)))
Saturday, November 28, 2009
This is the air i breathe....
yeap!! updated!!!
what did i do recently?? Hmm, i had done my seminar presentation successfully =))) n i volunteered to finish it...hehe...i really have no ideas why i have such great courage to lift my hand up when my tutor was finding someone to volunteer on that day...It's the courage from God i think...yea..He really really walked me through a 50 mins long seminar ( i know my seminar is kinda long!!!). Coz, normally, a group only presented for not more than half an hour and mine broke the record man!!! Felt kinda relax and happy after all had accomplish with god's strength!!!
Besides, after all my buddies had gone, i felt extremely down with a leaden and slumbering heart. Yet, through heaps of ''down in the dumps'' , i had grown a lil bit (It's something i definitely can't deny.) My knowledge in the lesson of life had increased bits by bits through what i had seen and experienced from different aspects ---friendship, bgr, god's grace and blessings, family and love among bros n sisters in christ. =)) Hmmm....heaps of stories to share, be patient if u r willing to know =))
Friendship, to me is an essential to let me have a normal social life as others. Yet, good friendship is difficult to either sustain or maintain. In nz, i give thanks to God for providing lots n lots of friends who always lead me to the right way when i did something wrongly or my thoughts are too ridiculous or when i think too much!!! Thanks dor, ginny, carol and heaps of them =)) as my good listeners and asvisors!!! Hope to do life more n more together in the future!!!
Here comes to bgr, BGR is boy-girl relationship. It's jz simply mean either love or romance. I jz so amazed and impressed by the couples here who i knew. ''WOW!!! U guys really show me what is true and genuine love amongs guys and girls!!! '' i was so impressed man!!! I felt sweet for them act. Such a pleasant =))) Yea, love is much more than a feelings. It is a commitment which both parties need to compromise, bear, understand and trust each other. It's such a hard-pressed stuff for me unless my future spouse loves me lots with sincere heart and is willing to step into my life without regreting. In meanwhile, he must let me step into his as well coz love is mutual. Not one jz keep on giving in yet the other one jz keep on accepting. This will only make the giver feel tired of loving and the acceptor takes things or his/her love for granted!!! Yea, i had a lil crush on someone. But, but, but, it's jz a crush!!! Well, probability for the ''chemical stuff'' to happen is kinda kinda low i think!! Well, jz let nature do its course!!! and someTHINGS matter, yet somethings don't!! Well, jz don't think too much =))) and ''it's will be alright!!'' If avoiding or ignoring is what God wants both of us do, then what can we do much on it right?? Maybe He is not the right one for me...God will jz give me the best one!!!
God's grace and blessings, woahhh!!! Blessed to be Your Name God!!! I was so amazed on every single little things You did and are doing in my life!!! It's jz amazing to know You!! hmm..due to boredom, i recently reading ''captivating'' by John & Stasi Eldredge and ''something matter;somethings don't'' by Anna Delight Jaquith. Both books teach me how to lean oAn God more instead on leaning on ppl.
'' The things in life that seem like such a huge deal when you're going through them probably won't matter that much in the big picture of life . The thing that matters most is what God thinks about you. People will fail you, but God can't fail you. He won't fail you. ''------D.J.Anna.
Family, i miss them so much!!! eeeww....miss to have great dinner with daddy n mummy n sis!!! Miss popo and all my cousins, aunties n uncles. Miss the laughter we used to have so much every gathering on saturday night. Jz miss every moment we used together!!! Yet, i thanks God for giving me a family here as well!! albeit they all are blood-unrelated with me, yet they still adore me!!! love me as family. Kudos to my church bros n sisters, esp lg ppl!! n gorgor, thanks for your very very good patience to listen my grumbling!!! Thanks for albeit knowing my weaknesses but never ever leave me when i need u. Thanks for rousing me from my slumber. Thanks for building me up but never tear me down guys!! Love you all heaps!!! =D
Lastly, i had a very great time with those who still slacking here today after the wonderful church service!!! We go bowl today after lunch in meridian!!! HAHAHA....act, i got 2 tests next week la. But someone convince me...see the conversation below:
Josh : ( hand on my shoulder on a corner)...ahem, so when is your tests grl??
jane : hmm...next tues n thurs...sigh...
josh : okay...how much it worth then??
jane : ahhhh....20 % la!!! but i got no motivation to stdy act!!
josh : have u started yet??
jane : ahem....yea...a lil bit...not much...jz don't feel like stdying..
josh : okay...let's go bowl n relax then...find some motivations from fun!!!! but, must start stdy
after this k?
jane : yea...can play!!! woooohoooosss!!! =D
melia : we teach u do bad things act...promise us must STDY at night k ?? ( staring me with big
eyes and wicked smile!!)
Then, here we go!!! enjoyed the whole afternoon sport section together n i got a STRIKE at the end!!! and at least i passed the cut-point. OOPS...sorry jen, heading u by only few marks...=))))
So....here my summer stories!!! WOW....i managed to find happiness among the boredom!!!
well, gtg back to stdy and have quiet time b4 i sleep =))) Love to have solitude with God!!! I'm loving it !!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Who will u fight for?? n who will fight for u after all??
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all
Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for
p/s : Is love worth to fight for?? then who will u fight for?? n who will fight for u after all??
my ans : Only Him ---The Above One
没感情
如果人是没感情的动物，那会不会过得更好呢？
因为没感情，所以不懂受伤的感觉，
因为没感情，所以不懂想念的心情，
因为没感情，所以不懂爱人的滋味，
因为没感情，所以不懂被爱的美好，
因为没感情，所以不懂关心的重要，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人担心，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人哭泣，
因会没感情，所以不懂什么是幸福，
没感情，让人心疼，同时，让人觉得可怕。。。。
haha...my musing....what if a person who is without feelings?? how he/she going to live normally?? hmmm...i wonder...is creepy though!!! But, to me, everyone is trying so hard to hide n keep their feelings n relationship coz they don't want ppl who care about them to worry..are we keep on growing to be strong each day?? or we had already grown so much??
No matter what happened.....we jz choose to be brave instead of weak....aren't we growing???
p/s : i miss him....but i know he want me to be brave.....
因为没感情，所以不懂受伤的感觉，
因为没感情，所以不懂想念的心情，
因为没感情，所以不懂爱人的滋味，
因为没感情，所以不懂被爱的美好，
因为没感情，所以不懂关心的重要，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人担心，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人哭泣，
因会没感情，所以不懂什么是幸福，
没感情，让人心疼，同时，让人觉得可怕。。。。
haha...my musing....what if a person who is without feelings?? how he/she going to live normally?? hmmm...i wonder...is creepy though!!! But, to me, everyone is trying so hard to hide n keep their feelings n relationship coz they don't want ppl who care about them to worry..are we keep on growing to be strong each day?? or we had already grown so much??
No matter what happened.....we jz choose to be brave instead of weak....aren't we growing???
p/s : i miss him....but i know he want me to be brave.....
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