Sweat !? Rain?!

Attention!!! Attention!!!
weather report for today : hailing....little raindrops falling...heavy rain coming...Lastly, my dear Mr Sunshine appeared ( wooohoosss!!!) But, he stayed only for 20 mins...Then, the cycle repeated again n again =(( This is what we call ''summer'' in dunners!!! Cool enough?? Special isn't??

Here comes to what had i done for these few days. Nothing much , i did. But, I am doing something which is pretty productive!!! Although i had been sticking with the rain for 2 days, I still determined to go to exercise!!! I went to gym 2 days a week. ( I knew that 2 days can be really consider as peanut to people lah!!! ) But, at least i determined to go or at least i go =))

Why my adrenaline urging me to do some exercise nowadays??? I reckoned that God want me to search back something i had lost for so long. He wants me to gain back something what i used to have. I really really can feel His presence by my side nowadays. He are hinting me to find back something which i had lost for a long time but i didn't realize. Yet. He knows, He reminds, He cares.......

On wednesday, i went to play badminton with andrew n raymond. AAAWWWWW!!! I was kinda excited when i was holding the racquet which i had not hold it for months. It was not my favourite racquet which i had backhome. It was jz a simple, rotted, used by heaps and an imperfect one. When i began the game with a shuttlecock leaving out of my hand, i was getting more n more excited. I love the feeling when the little shuttlecock was being hitted by me to others with my strenght. I love the way when i am playing the game seriously with strong willpower to finish the one hr game since i had not done much exercise this year.

To me, badminton is not only jz a sport game. This can be meant to life. Some don't know who is holding his racquet as like holding his life. Some reckon that he/she theirselves are holding the racquet but always out of control. Some realize that Only God who is holding the racquet and control it in every game, it might not be controlled very well or perfectly good yet, He holds it flexibly as He knows when is the time to hold tight and loose and how to use it to finish every game. Some games might lose eventually but failure is a good lesson n training for us to become stronger n stronger to fight for victory in the coming days. If we win the game, humility will become the lesson =))

Then, for today, i go to gym with andrew n melissa. I told myself to complete an half an hour running on a running machine and cycling for 15 mins n push-up for 15 mins too!!! n WOOOHOOOSSS!!! i am sweating. This is the moment which i longed for months. The salty sweats is falling down from my forehead and embracing my whole body!!! I jz love it!!! Yet, due to the unpredictable weather, my sweat is being condensed by the super chilly wind =((( n it results to the original me (never sweat previously!!!) SIENNNNNNN =.=''

Hmm...one of the reasons i go to gym n exercise is to slim down by 5kgs (it's kinda much i know). Yet, the most significant reason is i want to find back the determination, willpower, faith and passion i used to have to complete every task n challenge beautifully. I might not be the best but i want to be the '' better'' one. My resolution : shoo you fats, shoo you laziness, shoo you hopelessness!!!!

All n all, after a long hiatus, i want to come back to The Almighty Lord. He has been longing for me to return to Him, I know. He is so familiar with me yet sometimes i am not. He is always there for me yet sometimes i ignore. He loves me so much more than i can imagine n believe. Afterall, i want to surrender to him - my family, studies, church, country, peers, relationship n everything. I want to believe You n only You with all my heart n serve You n your ppl with all i have. More or less, i have, i will share n serve!!!

''Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified ; Do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go'' Joshua 1:9

live dead ???

sigh......SIGH......
the first day of the second sementer was really really really SIGH!!!!
OKAYS...i was totally late to the first lecture...
then, i got my new timetable but....
my teacher are all SIGH....not really good ones.....all will jz make me sleep in class!!!

my expectations fail....
the whole uni seems like a dead tree which is totally lack of water and sunshine....it is jz too too bored n quiet.....actually, i was backed with a cheerful and excited heart....and hope so much that some of the boring teacher will not teach me....but the results was totally opposite....sigh.....

yea....all of us were like live dead zombies walking in the rain with chilly wind....no energy at all!!!
Hey guys....where was the strong energy you all used to have??? where was it gone?? WHERE??
Hmmmp.....i am a living entity with dead soul now.....no more excitement, no more laughters, no more yellings, no more '' byebyesssss'' to be heard from friends, no more '' How are you??'' to be asked, no more expectations.....it is jz too DEAD!!!

i was listening to the topic of '' seminar presentation'' the whole day.....n i felt stress!!!! There are 2 main assignments for english ''research essay'' n '' seminar presentation''....sigh.....STRESS!!! n i felt that the foundation building seems like haunted house ey, it is so quiet n all the tutors are missing....so scary....i was waiting outside one of the room alone...n it is the last room of the whole roll....hmm....so scary ey.....i miss those noisy sounds which everyone always waiting n chatting.....i miss the walking sounds of each n everyone....i miss the door opening sound which always jz too hard n loud....i miss i miss i miss everything!!!!

raining....
with an umbrella.....
walking on the quiet pace....
pushing by the strong wind.....

each step....
with a pair of inactive legs....
walking in the loneliness precisely....
strong wind broke the only umbrella....

accompaniments.....
with an expecting heart......
walking n walking still no ones.....
wind destroys the weak body cruelly....

physically....
with a strong immunity initially.....
walking with strong body which defeated all.....
yet, all turn to be weaker n weaker as days passes....

days by days....
praying with a sincere heart.....
yet, things turn another ways round....
i am not sure whether i am live or dead....
i am not sure whether when i can live....
or when will i die physically, spritually , mentally.....

live dead soul.......you are scary n torturing!!!!