grief...

Lost of a child is a grief to a mother,
Lost of his wife is a grief to her husband,
Lost of a dream is a grief to a pursuer,
all leads to heartbroken......
we go to denial because the lost is unthinkable,
so we let go and move into acceptance,
grief may be a thing we all have in common,
yet, it looks different on everyone,
It's not only death we have to grief,
is life, is lost, is changes sometimes,
and when we wonder why it sucks so much,
or it hurts too badly,
the thing we gonna to remember is to turn it on and dine,

So, when it hurts so much till you can't breathe,
this is how you survive.....
till one day, somehow, impossibly,
it won't feel this way, then it won't hurt this much,
But, the really crappy thing, the worst part of this,
is that you can't control it and let it go is all we can,

Still, the very worst part is that the minute you think you passed,
it starts all over again,
and always everytime it takes your breathe away...

There is none like You...

After a long and tough week,
I was entirely exhausted inside out,
I realized that
when you want to hold tight on something that you love so badly,
when you are trying so hard to get over the pain and the past,
when you are doing your very best to stop killing your heart,
when you are expecting maybe,just maybe the past could be retrieved,
when you are still hoping he still will care and think about,
when you are doing what you can to avoid yourself to see,think,care,
when you are so afraid of losing everything that you have,
when you are searching maybe there's someone who can understand you,
when you are hiding your sorrow but hanging a fake smile to face the world,

you will so tired, exhausted, wear out,
physically, emotionally, spiritually,
and the HEART.

After i had read cheng yee's blog bout 'pain' that he is having,
everyone do have the pain-- something you don't want to reveal,
He used 9 years, 9!!! to forget, to let go, to put down,
i asked myself ''how long you have to take then??''
People can take jz within a month to find a new one,
to have a new life, to get over it, to start again.
Then, why can't you jz do the same?? WHY CAN'T YOU??
WHY IT'S STILL ACHING??? STILL BE HAUNTED EVERY DAY AND NIGHT??

Nothing i can actually do to stop killing my heart,
so i surrender all to Him,
today, when i reach out my hand during worship,
i feel that i touch His hands,
the pair of hands which i am searching and longing for so long,
i can feel he is holding me tightly,
he speaks to me,
''stop searching, stop killing yourself with the past, the pain,
pass it all to me, i will take the wheel.''

suffering children are safe in Your arms,
There is none like You,
No one else can touch my heart as You do....

So Don't Care!!!

somethings matter, somethings don't,
once you had done your very best,
it's enough.....all is well.....

it applies on how you treat ppl too,
once you treat them the best you can,
it's enough.....all is well.....

sometimes you do care,
but some didn't even want to give a glance on you,
some didn't even ask how had you been,
some didn't even remember who you are,
But, ask yourself, don't you give enough love and cares?
don't you always remember ??
once you give in sufficiently,
it's enough.....all is well....

seek for your priority,
somethings we have to pay full price,
there will never be on sale,
no shortcuts for such achievements,
only endurance is the price tag for victories...
so once you give in all you can,
and leave the result to God,
it's enough....all is well...

So, to conclude, Don't Care too much about the uncertainities!!!
As He has a plan for anything, everything,
all is well :)

你在哪里？？

This is one of my attempt on joel's DSLR....
It shows in the midst of the darkness....
there is always a beam of light,
which is Hope. =))


这几天，眼泪在眼睛里打滚，
好累，好累，真的好累，
对自己有说不出来的失望，
对未来有画不出来的害怕，
对身边的人有说不出来的恐惧，
对妈妈有哭不出来的烦恼，
对上帝有说不出来的问题，

我从过去解脱了，
因为如果分离是唯一的解脱，最后的话我来说，
因为如果永远你不必再难过，遗憾让我来过，
因为就算过去的回忆太脆弱，连未来也没有我，
我还是希望你过得比我更好，比我更快乐。。

现在，
你在哪里，我的上帝，你在哪里？？
我拼命地找你的踪影，
拼命地跟紧你的背影，
拼命地撇开一切幻想，
拼命地告诉自己‘只有一次，请你活着！’
拼命地把泪水往内挤，
拼命地等待那道光的出现。。。


finally, i decided to find You once again, decided not to wait but reach out to You, decided to have the 4 days jz for You......

Thanks You for letting her (dorothy) always there......