It's Your L.O.V.E......

This song sing my heart out...
Today, early in the morning, i have lifegroup bible study,we learn about whole chapter of Ephesian 3, it's really awesome. Because i found out that the whole chapter speaks to me.

I have to admit that I am that kind of shy and discouraged person. It could be said that ''i'm not that friendly and approacable to everyone.''. But, i'm really really trying my very best to say ''hi'' to everybody that i bump to no matter where and who. Yet, i feel that i always do insufficiently...It's jz not enough. And the result of my 'hard-to-approach'' to people, i have less friends...less trusted friends who i can really speak to, who i can pour my heart to, who i can study with and who i can grumble to. So, i'm becoming more quiet now...well,isn't people call maybe you're getting more mature so less in talking but choose to listen more instead?? Hmmm....i don't think so...i jz reckon that i'm not alright...How could a person who likes to talk and share, as time flies, she is becoming more and more introvert and quiet?? Well...i wonder who am i now...hmmm..a very good question to think about...

Well, about love, not about the ''BGR'' one, what i actually mean is about the love for people around me. Hmmm, i seem to be selfish nowadays or i jz don't know how to open my mouth and invite or offer. I used to love people so much. But, now, i found it's so hard for me to open my mouth to offer, like ask people want to taste the food that i order. Hmm...i wonder why...maybe i scare..i fear..that i maybe burst out with something wrong through my mouth. This is what people call lack of confidence and faith?? I suppose....i dislike myself being like this..it's jz something i can't accept and allow myself to have..THE SELFISHNESS!!! =((

I'm someone who is torn but still alive because of His Love.
I'm someone who is so unworthy to receive His Love everyday but He tells me that ''You're worthy, my girl.''.
I'm someone who is not pretty enough but He whispers to me that'' You're beautiful in my eyes''.
I'm someone who is so selfish, someone who don't know how to love, but He says '' You're willing to learn, you have the heart for it, you're not selfish, you're jz don't know where to start to love, jz sometimes find it hard to express your love to others. But, in my eyes, You're lovely.''

Lord, if i ever not know and believe you, i wouldn't have the faith to believe myself. If You not ever love me, i wouldn't grasp how wide, how deep, how immeasurable, how indescridable...How GREAT is Your LOVE!!!

'In Him through faith in him we way approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.'' ephesian 3:12-13

It's Your Love...I'm worthy...I'm beautiful...I'm who you specially made...I'm unashamed..

Because of Your Love...I'm trusting...I'm learning...I'm crawling out from my fear...i'm doing my best for You...

In You, i have FAITH.

Here in Your presence....

'' Here in Your presence we are undone,
Here in Your presence heaven and earth become one,
Here in Your presence all things are new,
Here in Your presence everything bow before You.''

hmm....this song strikes my heart strongly today during worship, esp the first and the last phrase. In His presence, we are undone. We are jz someone who is being bornt newly. In front of Him, i felt so broken....jz someone who is so incomplete in all ways. Sometimes, i wonder why He still love me as i am so terrible and useless?? Coz His love is divine...is unconditionally..is so wide..is forever ever...is irreplaceable =))

Yea....in His presence everything bow before Him. I was so didn't feel like going to church today. My worries, anxieties and fear over the coming tests outweigh everything in my life, even Him. I felt so guilty as i had a really bad thought to skip church today as i knew i can't steal God's time to do things of my own. I felt so wrong when i was singing this phrase....everything has to bow before Him, nothing can outweigh Him.....jz NOTHING is more significant than Him....

I heard a voice speaking to me during the worship moment, He said ''Jane, don't you ever know everything has to bow before me?? EVERYTHING.....do your best....leave the rest to me....n bow before me!!!'' In that moment, i knew God's heart had been broken by me, He is crying as His daughter never put Him in the very first place and put trust in Him. I felt so bad...so guilty...so so condemned...

I am learning..
learning to put trust in Him..
learning to do my best n leave the rest for Him..
learning to live everyday with His presence....
learning to survive with His divine love.....