save the man???

A line caught my interest today after i was watching Dr Phils during lunch....

''Are you trying to save your man or the man who you expect him to be ??''

Good question to think about :)
sometimes, it does confuse us. Are we love the man's heart or we just fall for someone who we need him to help us in everything and just so our lives become easier?? or we love just because he is the ideal one who has fulfilled all the qualities, preferences and conditions?? we love because he is the perfect one??

To me, No!!!
i rather fall for the fat and ugly man with a genuine heart, yet not the good-looking one who act superficially. It's the matters of heart, not how good the one is.

Thus, think about it :) it's good to remind me to look for the heart but not my expectations towards man, so do you. :)

The 3 words...

''I LOVE YOU'',

these 3 words can mean a lots to some people,

yet it could jz be joke to some,

still, to me, i'm terrified of it,

terrified of either hearing or saying.

There are couples that commit to saying it to each other every single day, no matter what happens. On contrary, some only say it if they really, really mean it. They take the words very seriously and will refrain from saying them just as a response. There are some extreme ways of dealing with these three powerful words.

To me, i would say that i'm entirely terrified of these 3 words. I'm jz at the somewhere near the end of the extreme and see these words in fear and insecurity. Neither would i throw them around willy-nilly nor spur it out. And, it could be completely deleted or erased from my mind.

I'm jz don't really have the trust and faith in love or romance as promises always fail, expectations never come true, the feelings towards each other say bye, betrayal, unfaithfulness, changes of characteristics and many many reasons. Those pulls me down from believing it, takes away the attractions towards opposite sex, snatches away the feelings of being in loved and kills my heart till only bitterness left. So, for now, i'm not even want to fall in love to somebody and not even want to be loved. And, i don't think i'm really, indeed ready for it.

Thus, single always win, it never lie, never make you falls apart, never make your heart broken and never ever make you bitter!!!

Somehow, my mum told me, bible says '' These people will wait until they're ready to walk down aisle with someone before uttering these three words'' (2John 1:1-13). And, i believe that as much as i agree with this verse. So, wait until you're ready, then say, commit and sustain to suppress all till the very very end. God will definitely smile at you and say ''You guys make it!! well done!!! :) ''

just like them!!!! :)

door....

''when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. '' -helen keller.

So,

when one way of success closes, another opens?

when one's relationship closes, another opens?

when one door of dream closes, another opens?

so isn't when one closes, another will definitely opens?

if it's , why people always look so long at the closed one, haunted by the past, suffered from the pain, became a bitter fellow, yet still do not want to reach out to the opened ones, still do not want to accept the opened ones??

Isn't it so fun and interesting to stop, stay at the roaring strong waves which is hitting your boat from time to time rather than keep paddling till you reach the tranquil and calm sea??

Woots...Woots!!!

Ohhh....they made it for You, my lord!!!
n i hope i will make it for You as well in the year which come upon..
ohh...What's a great christmas present is it...
n I wish i can have the same one next year as well...

Wootss....Wootss...
sebs got med, like a miracle for inters...
carol got den, she thanks God for all...
Joel waiting list for den...we praying for him...
Ezra, i think he got den as well......wootss!!!

N now heaps n heaps of ques are popping out of my mind.....
''How could they make it??''
''How am i gonna to make it??''
''Can i get into what i want to??''
''Can i use the ways which may glorify God to make it ??''
''Can ppl put off the selfishness n helping each others??''
''Can ppl tear down the mask they r wearing??''
''Can the ''love'' You commanded to be shown among peers??''
''Can i see the door You prepare for me one day??''
''Can i make it for You?? n jz for You alone, bt not for me??''
''Can i persevere till the end strong??''

I wonder why, i wonder how, i wonder what am i going to do......soon n very soon....

i discovered that...
The course ppl want to get into jz like ''1 million''....
some will fight for it without humanities,
some will fight for it within the commandments of The Big Papa Above,
some will only live for the ''1 million'' n loss All which much more worthy,
some will live for Him n they get more than ''1 million'' of course....

Thus, who u wanna to be?? who r u going to live for?? Him?? or for yourself??

To me...i will like to live for Him, n opt for the eternal life rather than the ''1 million''.......
ppl may earn the whole world, without humanities, the whole world is jz worthless!!!!

so, yea....i will work n strive for Him, n jz Him in the year upon....
i know it will be really really tough for me...coz i know my ability....
but yea...i have Him!!! My Big Papa Above, nothing is impossible!!!
jz swung in the saddle n RUSH N GO!!! =)))

rousing, reckoning, realizing......

Overflown thoughts flash through my mind nowadays,
i wonder why, i wonder how, i jz wondering everyday,

indeed, tears fall, wipe away the smiley chin i used to have,

perhaps, resentment becomes bitterness fills the gap.

Too many excuses n blamings without realizing i gave,

numb to those encouraging words albeit u tried hard,

bitter than a bitter gourd, never ever tasted sweet,

i suspect, i unbelieve, i jz want to protect everyday,

Things in heart weigh upon the spirit n soul,

alttitude goes wrong when despair exist,

where the positive alttitude goes when trustworthy lost,

u bet i will say '' I don't know, i don't know!!''

The rousings, scoldings n remindings never ends,

Yet, i still remain the same, crumble in a day,

U said '' STAND UP!! u gonna look forward n live on.''

''Okay'', ''Yealo'' are my responds n replies....bummer??

me is me, the special one, u praised,

Yet, heart surrounds by bitterness,

inside awful than outside,

hypocrisy never leave ur face....u wonder why?

u don't understand, i said, pls don't comment,

u never ever being dropped easily,
u never ever worry for meals every night,

u never ever neither care nor love ppl,

yet, ur every single words hit my heart....

Only heaps of thankies i can repay,

looks at the bright sight, u said,

Cry because it's over,

Smile because u learnt....

every single person is fascinating......

There will be time she will have to be brave, even if she feel she can't be,

Sometimes she needs to rest after a long distance walk.......

Afterall, she will swung herself into the saddle, finish the race strong =)))

it's complicated!!!

It's complicated!!! Love is so complicated sometimes although it should be simple!!! But, it is something we cannot control. n is our feelings which makes love so complicated!!! hmmm, to me, i prefer to have a simple love rather than those complicated ones!!! Coz, hurts might be everywhere as ''booms'' might be every place if you are not precise enough in the pathway of love. Love should be mutual. Mutually give n take if true love exist between each other. One shud not give too much but didn't gain anything in return or vice versa. Mutually trust is important as well as love is all about trust mainly. If you do not believe your partner, how can you be honest to him or her or else you might be suspiciously checked on what he/she do, who he/she hangs out with, where he/she go and when she/he will be backed?? Lots n lots of questions due to lack of trust, faith and honesty.

Girls might not easily speak out their true feelings to someone they love. WHY?? It's jz because they simply do not want loved ones to worry too much about how they feel but not to purposely keep it to themselves. They might be probably think for their loved ones. But, if their loved ones can take girls' problems easily, it will be good though to pour it out as your burdens might be shared or you will realize that there is someone who are so willing to listen to you as he loves you!!! It's great isn't?? This is the foundation of honesty of love n will build up more n more if both share out their problems n both is patience to be a listeners n advicers if is needed. So, love will be much more easier and simple but sweet though.

Yeap!! Here comes the most difficult things about love. It is we don't know that someone we love will love us instead. It's hard to find out sometimes because once we find out rejections might be given, we will be hurted. So, many of us do not want to find out coz they don't want to get hurt n they jz giving all silently n secretly. But, it's really sacrificial though. Then, things will turn complicated once you find out he/she doesn't love you. Hmmm....it is sad though....you fall for him but he doesn't realize or not even notice...But, it's alright.....think that way '' Don't you deserve someone who loves or fall for you as well??'' cheer up girls!!!

Lastly, love shud be simple instead of being too complicated!!! '' Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. Feel deeply into your heart, and then you will know the truth. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for?'' ....i copy this phrase from a test from fb....it sounds good at the first part...we might be fooled by many things or words n actions. However, isn't we really can know the truth by feel deeply into our heart?? To be honest, i can't!!! simply maybe i fear.....so i avoid.....HAHAHA....don't think too much girl....love shud be simple n beautiful and is all from God, the greatest king!!!

当。。。

当好累了，人总是想休息，
当太安静，人总是想找个伴，
当路上只有你，人总是想赶快回家，
当害怕了，人总是想逃走，
当全世界都只会叫你笑，人总是只会对自己傻笑，
当压力来时，人总是会想尽办法挡下，
当睡不着，人总是会想明天要怎么过，
当找不到存在的美，人总是随便过日子，
当自己给自己戴上面具，人总是会伪装，
当失去了一切，人总是更渴望得到，
当哭泣了，人总是自己把眼泪擦干，
当无助了，人总是会低声下气地求救，
当灵魂消失，人总是不懂为何生存，

当我对着电脑傻笑和掉眼泪时，擦掉泪水的好像只有我自己，拼命擦，它却拚命地掉，不知道为什么，它一直掉，不停地掉。。。。‘小姐，你不是已经告诉自己不会再掉眼泪了吗？为何每一次都做不到？？为何要掉呢？？没有人会帮你擦的，不要掉了！！’

yea......tears fall....like raining....non-stopping......suppose not to cry....suppose to be strong....suppose to learn to be.....suppose to be emotionally independent.....SUPPOSE!!! but, i FAILED!!! don't know why my tears fall...i can only express through blog....n only it's like my diary...at least i have it....

God, your daughter is tired....lost her soul....lost her cheerful heart n smile.....n she is not strong at all although how different is her life is every single day....

wondering.....

i sit down in front of the laptop today and listening to ''after the last tear falls'' for many many times. In meanwhile, my mind flashes back what i had done the whole day....it's sweet today!!!



okays....i am wondering about the lyric of this song....i am asking to myself '' is there love after the last tear falls???'' or '' isn't only somethings that we use to comfort ourselves???'' or '' isn't somethings that might only happen when miracles come???'' or '' where is the love???''



i know i got lots of ques...but isn't that every que has its solutions or answers???

To me....there is definitely NO!!!

coz love is somethings we wish so much but we don't have faith to get or to maintain it, love can be somethings which may inspire and encourage us to stay strong in each steps we are going to go through although we have to be alone, love can be somethings which brings you lots memories which u may remember the whole life, love can be somethings which teaches you to stand strong in every moments......

sometimes we might lost ''love'' but we gain more than that, isn't???
at least we know how to stand up after every heart brokens.....we know how to continue life without loved ones by side.....we know that we can do somethings tough by ourselves without begging for helps or aids....we know that we actually are someone who is so STRONG and AWESOME!!! Isn't somethings great???

how much i had changed??? how much i had grown??? how awesome am i???

less dependant?? more independent??? less complaint??? more appreciative???

''life might be tiring...you might be tired of life...but life can be beautiful....you can beautify your life with lots of sweet memories and loves!!! why don't you try??''

'' there is times i cry to myself....there is times i reject to cry...there is times i fear....there is times i told myself not to be afraid of.....there is times i scare about love.....there is times i protect myself from getting hurts....so my heart is fragile....once it breaks....it needs time to be mended...it needs genuine love to nurture my hope and faith towards LOVE!!!''

so....isn't there love after the last tear falls???

For Myself....

Sigh....

finally, i found some time for myself to talk to my blog....cant able to sleep actually....

my ''pretending'' acts and skills are becoming more and more professional la!!!

not happy but have to act like i am very very happy and cheerful...

hmmm....that's not me okay???



So many ppl to meet....so many things to do....so many advices and nags from ppl....

me is really tired to hear those things.....but still have to smile and listen, smile to face ppl, smile to say '' I am so good!!!'' and smile to give responses when ppl asked!!!

well, i want to have some time to take a deep and long breath.....i want to have some fun with somethings that will excite me...i want to play CANDLES as you all did as i always see hopes with lots candles lit with small beams of lights which are so beautiful so nice....but, i didn't have the chance though....

well, need to act like a mature person, talk in mature ways, explains in mature thoughts, smile in mature styles and even laugh in mature patterns.....me is tired to do this!!!!



don't you ever know i want to find back the childhood life??? play candles with friends....eat mooncakes....talk ghost stories.....have a lovely walk in the middle of night with small beam of lights and sing together too!!!! kays....i know....i imagine too much...there is too much.....



However, i still give thanks to what i have....what i had learnt and gained....HAHAHA.....still wish to laugh out loud though...wish to hug someone to cry though....wish to take away the masked face though....wish to shoo away the fake happiness though.....if can, give me jz ONE day to do what i really wish to....for myself to really experience the ''childhood'' life.....it may be childish but at least i am happy right??? HAHAHA ( p/s stop imagine!!!)



hmmm.....i listened to the song ''healer'' by hillsongs for almost 30 times.....

i cried to myself and surrender to You as



''You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease''



so i trust in You....

whether how bad the condition might be......how tough the life is.....how unhappy i am.....how lonely i will be....how fear filled my heart without peace and calm....

i still trust in You for the rest of my life......as You loves me and there is LOVE!!!

S.I.C.K.....

hmmm.....i changed my blog add....and noot many ppl know it.....i think only gorgor knows la....
anyway, i fall sick terribly.......running nose.....dizziness.....a lil bit fever and sorethroat too....
less than a week......EXAM!!! i dont really wish to have it actually but i have to sit......sad though...

really tired......
the mountains in front of me seems higher and higher.....
i doubt.....and disappointed...and discouraged by ppl around me....
because i am not that well in studies....i being left behind...
so...i rather choose to listen than talk...as nobody will listen to me....
felt alone......being abandoned???

nvm..it's ok!!!
there are many kinds of ppl in this world....
we cant be able to understand a person clearly or deeply....
n everyone have his or her ugly sides which we all hide so precisely in our daily life...
but all the ugly behaviours still will be shown when we don't really realize it.....
the ugly sides of a person might be scary.....might draw ppl around you further away....

because of success....somebody may betray friends and loved ones....
because of pride....somebody may hurt others with their own ways cruelly.....
because of high post.....somebody may cheat and trap ppl around them....
because of greediness....somebody may lose her/his inner beauty.....
because of EXAM.....somebody may not recognize the weak ones or look down on them.....

because of those becauses.......i kept my heart in a safest place......n not to let ''my heart'' to get sick.......i don't believe anyone.....coz i may be hurt badly in the end.....so....i don't want to open my heart to know....hear....believe....share....

i jz listen.....and listen......coz.....it's the only and better ways to avoid of sick in heart.....
S.I.C.K~~ SELF ISOLATION COULD BE OKAY!!!! (i comfort myself) ^^

'' Yes, I Do''

love is complicated yet it is beautiful if both compromise and mutually give and take....love may lead to marriage yet it usually takes a lots of time, preparations, energy and understanding. The most important is the ''signal'' which means the agreement from God who permit the marriage of both person.

The question that we always discuss nowadays---- '' is wrong marriage exisit??'' or '' isn't that God will show to people that their marriage is the wrong choice??''. Hmmm.....after many discussions, we all deem that there is no ''wrong'' marriage, but there is '' bad marriage''. It means the marriage may be bad but it's not a false choice to marry him or her. Once you had decided to marry him or her, he/she is your '' Mr/Mrs Right'' not ''Mr/Mrs Wrong'', there is no turning back. Let's say if you and your partner is in arrgument or quarrel , you both need to find out the main causes of problems and sit down to find out the best way to solve and compromise with each other though rather than blaming and complaining. On the other hand, if one side had betrayed another no matter physically or emotion, that may be lead to divorce, but it's still not the '' wrong'' marriage!!!

Marriage is a relationship that both entity link to become one. One has to accept another's everything. It mean the guy or girls have to accept your recent looks, characters, natures and all the good or bad as well as the changes you might have after marriage. Marriage is a very deep knowledge which everyone have their own ways to look at marriage.

Love need to surpass all things. Love cannot be demanded.

Love is not a need of an individual. Love is not a fulfillment to ur soul.

Love is not only involve jz both of you. Love must be independent and free from restriction.

Love cant be found. Love comes in the right time with the right one.

Love is beautiful . Love is sweet. Love is responsible also.

Love is planned by God. So, don't rush to get Love!!!

when you said ''you are ready!!!'' act, you are not!!!!

Say ''I love you when you mean it not when you need it!!!''

Say ''Yes, I Do!!'' in the church without regret and doubt after you had well-prepared to be responsible to people life, think and consider carefully, stand firmly in your decision that you are willing to accompany him/her till the end of life.

''yea....i did learnt a lots a lots from the great chatting with my girl friends.....I know what is true love which may lead to marriage. i was wondering why we always discuss about those stuff when recess or meet each other. It may because we are growing and maturing. Meanwhile, we are protecting ourselves from falling into love or get involve in a relationship too easily. It is because we girls didn't need a puppy love...what we want is a real true love which is fully blessed by God and it will stay till the end of our life. So, we are very careful and precise in falling into love. It is a good thing though. Can't be denied, i can say that guys in my lifegroup is very mature. They did teach us a lots as they protect us from hurt as a brother in christ. I appreciate them a lots. When i am tired or sad....they give a lots of supports and encouragements and hugs....i love you guys!!!''

So, i strongly believed that God purposely put those people in my life to change my point of views to many things. God is really a real one.....everytime when i was down...was disappointed....was doubted...was fear....was alone...He always fulfill my life with ppl and laughters....He always ask me to carry on and on.....He will never let me go......

''when you think that you had lost a lots, actually you had gained a lots and grown a lots!!!''

lies

spring lies to ppl that it will be warm and colorful....
ppl lie to ppl that they didn't do wrong but they do...
friends lie to friends that they will help you yet no...
lover lies to lover that how much she/he loves him/her yet failed...
children lie to parents that they don't want to go school as they sick yet they jz lazy....
students lie to tutor that they did finish their job yet they haven't start....
are we all liars???

i lie to myself that i am fine and strong yet i am not...
i lie to myself it will be alright but it is not....
i lie to myself i can finish it strong but my will ask me to stop sometimes.....
i lie to myself that i am not alone as single stays long yet i am alone....
i lie to myself that you can face it yet i make myself drunk to escape...
am i a liar??

how many time we lie to God but we thought we are right??
how often we lie to God that we trust yet we don't??
how many time we lie to God we don't want to blame yet we still??
how always we say we put all our worries and fear into His hands yet we failed??
are we such a big liar?? even to our holy Father??

lies........i am tired of lying....lying to GOD....lying to myself.....lying to ppl......boosting how good i am now...how well is the place i am....how easy life going on and on......how much i had grow??

''God, i wanna to see your face...i wanna you to bring me away to any places....i don't want to face.....i am so tired.....sorry...i lied....lied to ppl around me...lied to myself...even lied to You....sorry God....''

''smiling without any real hapiness in heart.....a fake smile......a faded laughing sound.....a cold heart....a masked poker face.....that's me now!!''

real or fake??? sincere or insincere??

''real or fake?? sincere or insincere??'' this is the question keep on flashing through my mind each day. Yup, i am doubting with people around me....are they sincere or insincere to me as friend??? or are you being real or fake to me??? or you are just judging on ppl who will benefit you then start to approach to him/her??? undenibly, i am a person who very scared of people either the real or fake ones. Ya, u can say me weird or whatever.....but i do scare of hurts from ppl.

yea....someone told me how realistic the ppl in Uni is, you cant trust anyone even your very good friends...you must have some self-keepings or privacy or else you will probably get hurt!!! I do start observing ppl around me....hmmmmm....they got so many different faces which may confusing me....it's really scary sometimes when you see the other faces of someone who will be so please to you when you are in church but he/she will totally ignore you when schooling. Their motives seem scary to me.....Honestly, i hate the fake faces they had!!! They defeated my confidence and trust on them!!

yea...i am someone who is weak and naive.....i will treat you sincerely if you are good to me.....i wll not think too much or i will not be so selfish....i don't know how to be cruel to somebody who really need help...hmmmmm.....so many things to think of.....

''real or fake??? sincere or insincere?? you can choose what you want to be.......''

but, before that, can i ask a question '' are you really happy with who you are??? even being selfish to ppl??? or ignored the weak and jz sticked with the strong ones??? do you ever feel contented with the success you had gained from being cruel and insincere to others??? are your success surpass the command of God to love others as He loves us?? Is that worth??''

hmmm......small part of my thought today......i did fear of ppl yet will still love them as much as i can!!!