Yes!!! i do a prayer as this today, Prayer of trust.
not only put trust on God, but, i need to give trust to people who i can believe to.
I am learning i promise......
although sometimes i will wonder ''where are you now God?? '' ....
sometimes i will fear of people around me...jz so insecure...
sometimes i am lost in this path of life...
sometimes the uncertainities haunted me....
sometimes i feel that i am so broken....

我好想脱下面具，做最真实的自己。

An indefinite one!!!

Christmas past....a new year coming....
what i do in this Christmas??
I didn't do any ministry to serve God this year...
I didn't share the gospel of The Greatest One had bornt on this very special day...
I didn't do much praying for ppl....
yea...i really didn't do that much as previous year during christmas...

This year...2009
is a year which twisted 360 degree of my life....
i left home to nz to continue my tertiary studies...hmm...
it had been so tough for me to left home, esp an dependent grl like me....
But, yea...i managed to go that far...n yea...so far now =))
It's already more than half a year....
but btwn this period, God changed me lots...
from heartbroken relationship, daddy's ill, reality vs friends,
till how God love me by placing different ppl in my life...
from a girl who jz love to pretend, to be hypocrite...
till someone who only laugh n smile for everything happens in her life...
from demanding, sensitive, pessimistic characteristics...
till someone who appreciate n cherish everything with smile....
This is how much i had changed till now...

So, this year christmas to me is simple but lovely...
simple in the way we celebrated it....
lovely becoz christmas is all about LOVE to me....
i never ever sang a christmas carol till my tears fall...
i never ever surrender to God in every christmas....
Yet, i cried this year...in church...
when i was singing '' o holy night''...
i cried...i shouted out to God from the deepest core of my heart...
''I love you God...i don't know how wonderful it will be...but i thank you for the day You gave....i thank you for the love You gave....i thank you for the greatest gift You gave...nothing is more significant than that...nothing...''

hmm..really...
i had a very simple christmas this year..
no carolling, no santa claus, no clown, no grand celebration, no countdown...
but It's jz all about Love....
boost the Love n Unity of a family in christ....
Thank you for the day....
the great dinner i never ever had....
the great time You let the left dunn-ites to build up a relationship for YOU...
the great moment You let me found out my truth self....
the great period You let me to be refreshed n repented for what i had done in my own ways but not Yours...

I really don't know what a journey will it be the year upon...
uncertainity of future pretty much like an endless nightmare....
But, i believe You will lead my way...to the path that suit me..n u WANT me...
Thanks for hold me tight in this twisted year....
Thanks for never ever failed Love You gave..
Thanks for coming into my life....

next year journey, my future, n everything i surrender n commit to You...
Christmas....is not about how Great the celebration is...is all about How great the Love The Above One gave...

Christmas is jz all about You!!!

Pretty Much??

Hmm....got lots n lots of thoughts nowadays esp when 2010 coming closer n nearer each day...
Do you ever have something you really really don't wanna to face it??
Do you ever meet the situation which will pretty much get ur future fix??
Do you ever feel that faith is lesser when there are more ppl get it??

i pretty much feel like my faith is getting lesser n lesser each day...
i pretty much ensure that the ''weird & creepy'' feelings embrace my whole mind now...
i jz pretty much feel insecure in some ways..somethings...
n j pretty much worry about what will be coming next.....

wondering what type of journey it will be??
all HURTS?? all BENEFITS?? all FIGHTS?? all PAINS?? all HYPOCRISY??
i don't know...i really don't.....
what i know is jz...i pretty much lack of FAITH IN MY FUTURE =(((
Hmm...dentistry is jz so tough to get into....yet, i will still try my very BEST to ace it...
God always has a plan.....an eternal plan which never gonna to fail my life...
n this is what i hold strong for now, always n the days which gonna to come soon!!!

Woots...Woots!!!

Ohhh....they made it for You, my lord!!!
n i hope i will make it for You as well in the year which come upon..
ohh...What's a great christmas present is it...
n I wish i can have the same one next year as well...

Wootss....Wootss...
sebs got med, like a miracle for inters...
carol got den, she thanks God for all...
Joel waiting list for den...we praying for him...
Ezra, i think he got den as well......wootss!!!

N now heaps n heaps of ques are popping out of my mind.....
''How could they make it??''
''How am i gonna to make it??''
''Can i get into what i want to??''
''Can i use the ways which may glorify God to make it ??''
''Can ppl put off the selfishness n helping each others??''
''Can ppl tear down the mask they r wearing??''
''Can the ''love'' You commanded to be shown among peers??''
''Can i see the door You prepare for me one day??''
''Can i make it for You?? n jz for You alone, bt not for me??''
''Can i persevere till the end strong??''

I wonder why, i wonder how, i wonder what am i going to do......soon n very soon....

i discovered that...
The course ppl want to get into jz like ''1 million''....
some will fight for it without humanities,
some will fight for it within the commandments of The Big Papa Above,
some will only live for the ''1 million'' n loss All which much more worthy,
some will live for Him n they get more than ''1 million'' of course....

Thus, who u wanna to be?? who r u going to live for?? Him?? or for yourself??

To me...i will like to live for Him, n opt for the eternal life rather than the ''1 million''.......
ppl may earn the whole world, without humanities, the whole world is jz worthless!!!!

so, yea....i will work n strive for Him, n jz Him in the year upon....
i know it will be really really tough for me...coz i know my ability....
but yea...i have Him!!! My Big Papa Above, nothing is impossible!!!
jz swung in the saddle n RUSH N GO!!! =)))

Pick It Up...Pick him up.....

I was listening to my sis cousin conversation with her friend about the flat to stay next year. To cut the story short, Lastly, they both decided to rent a 6 rooms flat to stay. Her friend knows my bro cousin, oscar well though as we all are from the same state of msia, Johor. Hmmmm...However, due to his hatred towards my bro cousin, he doesn't even mention to stay with him next year as he knows my bro cousin is finding flat for next year u see...i was so angry but i did keep quiet and calm.....but the monster inside was frustrating and burning with anger....yet, i controlled my irritability finally as i heard a calling from God ''JANE, CONTROL IT!!! JZ BEAR....WILL BE FINE...OKAY??''

Then, when i was surfing internet, accidentally i wished so much to listen to Planetshaker songs. I chose a song which on titled ''Pick It Up'' as these 3 words hit my heart strongly as if God wanted me to know sometime or a message. Hmm....yea....last but not the least, i knew what God was trying to hint me......''Pick Him Up my girl!!!''

Him=my bro cousin, oscar, he is someone who is not that bad actually, jz naughty, want attentions from ppl and stubborn sometimes as i think maybe he lacks of insecurity and some love from peers as no ones willing to approach to him, not even will lend him a hand when problems come. It's so sad to hear about it as ignorance is not a bliss yet maybe hostility!!!

To me, i adore n love him. I was struggling whether to help or not to as some conflicts did happen btwn us previously. However, i decided to help and try my very best to help as he is the only bro cousin i have here and i am the only blood-related relative here. ''If even me give up on him, who else will be approachable enough to go near to him to either care for him or help him ?? WHO?? '' As God will not give up anyone of us even the beggar on the roadside, why don't human being just give him a chance to be alived ???

Pick him up from the darkness and evil with God's strenght and mercy. By god's grace, i hope i can make it. Don't step aside from him, go into the world of the rotten apples as they will have their uses....don't they?? Give him a chance to become a better one.....believe him as support....care about him by speaking to his life....don't close the doors for him as you dont have the right to do so!!!

''An ugly caterpillar will turn into a colourful butterfly one day if you don't kill it and give it a chance to be alived....so does a rotten apple!!!''

For Myself....

Sigh....

finally, i found some time for myself to talk to my blog....cant able to sleep actually....

my ''pretending'' acts and skills are becoming more and more professional la!!!

not happy but have to act like i am very very happy and cheerful...

hmmm....that's not me okay???



So many ppl to meet....so many things to do....so many advices and nags from ppl....

me is really tired to hear those things.....but still have to smile and listen, smile to face ppl, smile to say '' I am so good!!!'' and smile to give responses when ppl asked!!!

well, i want to have some time to take a deep and long breath.....i want to have some fun with somethings that will excite me...i want to play CANDLES as you all did as i always see hopes with lots candles lit with small beams of lights which are so beautiful so nice....but, i didn't have the chance though....

well, need to act like a mature person, talk in mature ways, explains in mature thoughts, smile in mature styles and even laugh in mature patterns.....me is tired to do this!!!!



don't you ever know i want to find back the childhood life??? play candles with friends....eat mooncakes....talk ghost stories.....have a lovely walk in the middle of night with small beam of lights and sing together too!!!! kays....i know....i imagine too much...there is too much.....



However, i still give thanks to what i have....what i had learnt and gained....HAHAHA.....still wish to laugh out loud though...wish to hug someone to cry though....wish to take away the masked face though....wish to shoo away the fake happiness though.....if can, give me jz ONE day to do what i really wish to....for myself to really experience the ''childhood'' life.....it may be childish but at least i am happy right??? HAHAHA ( p/s stop imagine!!!)



hmmm.....i listened to the song ''healer'' by hillsongs for almost 30 times.....

i cried to myself and surrender to You as



''You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease''



so i trust in You....

whether how bad the condition might be......how tough the life is.....how unhappy i am.....how lonely i will be....how fear filled my heart without peace and calm....

i still trust in You for the rest of my life......as You loves me and there is LOVE!!!

After The Last Tear Falls

yea....it's a very meaningful and inspiring song which i was deeply touched when i heard it in the Elim cafe service 4.....HAHAHAHA.....enjoy it!!!

remember '' everything, every moments, everytime, every incidents, every heartbrokens, every pains and hurts, every sufferings and struggles, every disappointments, every rejections, every failures,every ups and downs......AFTER THE LAST TEAR FALL....THERE IS L0V3 !!!''

MISSION...

i have a great mission to accomplish in my next 5 years....woohoo

the mission is :
~become a better person
~become a better daughter
~become a better sister
~become a better women
~become a better future wife
~become a better friend
~become a better christian as well

i hope after the next 5 years, i will be able to:
~say''I LOVE YOU'' to my mom & dad
~say''SORRY'' to my mom & dad
~be a humble as well as confident girl
~help the people who need my help
~grow up mentally and spiritually...not physically
~love God more and more everyday
~bring the''precious paper'' back to glorify His
name & let my mom & dad proud of me
~take care myself and others as well
~become a lovely girl who loves to smile

in future, i want to:
~tell my son ,daughter and grandchild about my experience and the proud
histories i had
~love and serve God till i die
~love my mom and dad
~love my future husband...be a great parents as well
~be volunteers to help the people who need help
~have a wonderful real life

7 days before i leave........that's the great MISSION i have to accomplish it........pls pray for me....thx.....

PU1B2

i heard that tmrw teacher might suffle our class again.....don't want la!!! super no mood!!! i love my class PU1B2.....REALLY LOVE IT!!! Pls let me stay for my last week in stk....pls god!!! i want to enjoy staying , studying , chit-chatting, rushing to lecture hall, eating lunch, complainting about teachers who are irresponsible, get scolding from PA and CHE teacher, sharing, doing experiments, arguing, making jokes, sleeping and even going toilet with them, makes me really happy and joyful...although 2 weeks...but we all seems know each other for many years already!!!


Anyway,my dear PU1B2~~I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I WILL MISS YOU ALL!!!REALLY!!!

maybe i will not hv the chances...

i am dreaming days and nights that i will have the chances to worship , praise , pray , listen to conference and even chit-chating with them. So, i am being so envious of them. But i know i will not have the chances or the chances is so slim...

i admire them when they can being so confident on the stage to worship and praise the Lord.
i admire them when they can chat and gossip so happily among each other.
i admire them when they always care and love their church sisters and brothers.
i admire them when they go out to play and eat together.
i admire them when they pray for each others in all situations and hardships.
i admire them when they do their quiet time together in camp.
i admire because they can laugh so happily and naturally among each other.
i admire because their lives are so fullness with God's love!!!

i have to admit that my english is so poor...
i don't have the confident to speak or chat with them...
i am so afraid yet i am begrudged and envied...
i think i will not have the chances to experience the fruitful life...but i hope i will walk through it in future......

a friend told me......' when your way seems darkest, when your eyes with tears are dim, straight
to God your Father hastening, Tell your troubles all To Him.'

i prayed....'God, pls give me a fruitful life. I want the chances come to me. I want to live for You!!'