exercise bonds relationship ;)

This week could be said that quite a productive one.
We girls (lifegroup) went exercise in unipol for twice a week.
From doing cardio till weights,
to make your quadriceps, hamstrings,triceps and biceps muscle firm n strong,
living in such a healthy life huh?? lolsss....

HAHA, i felt that i can be more n more open to my lifegroup girls.
Alicia (the very lady captain),stef,fio,jud n rachel...
well, i love to talk to alicia coz she is amazed me,
esp the maturity that she is having, the experiences, the promises...
i can jz pour out everything to her, can jz be so real in front of her...
can LAUGH OUT LOUD, can be funny, can be serious....lolss...

Tonight, we went for badminton...haha...enjoyable one...
exercise does help in bonding with ppl,
relationship btwn lg girls, btwn couples, btwn friends,
i love to play badminton,
either play seriously or jz for fun...
i love to hit the shuttlecock with all my strength,
jz like i am giving in all i can in living,
giving in all, hit every shuttles it comes to me,
as if conquers all challenges that approaching to me,
well, the feeling jz so so similar....

HAHA...tonight, we had a fun match...
me, caleb, fio n joel laughing all the ways when playing,
but, we did sweat...yet we played in a more relaxing ways...
had been long time for not laughing till stomach pain....
well, i laughed for 2 hrs today... =))

Love exercise, love my lg,
love badminton, love laughing out loud,
love to be myself by not bothering about how ppl look at me,
love doing life together,
love to give in all i can in everything i do,
love to do my best in pursuing dreams,
love God so much so much....

gonna to build a stronger relationship with Him,
easter coming, a break from everything,
the 4 days...
I JUST WANT TO GIVE ALL TO HIM....

''father lord, thank you that you love me so much so much, thank you that you are always by my side, thank you that you are willing to come into my heart n life to understand me, thank you for what you had provided n are providing, thank you for giving a great loving family backhome, thank you for deliver awesome friends in my life,thank you for listening to me,to my grumbles everyday, thank you for everything...i love you lord!!! so much, so much...in jesus name, amen :) ''

海阔天空

到了世界盡頭　開始習慣了風
捧著厚厚的寂寞　平靜向前走　不當做那是折磨
到了世界盡頭　開始學會快樂

＊不同方向的遼闊　是你最後溫柔　一直到現在我才懂
　海闊天空　在我心中　濕透了眼就不再迷惑
　望著你給的黑夜　當淚劃過　才能　對自己寬容
　海闊天空　我頂著風　當霧散開就真的自由
　獨自尋遍這地球　找新的出口　謝謝　你讓我愛過

repeat ＊

就算捨不得　也不能回頭
海闊天空　我頂著風　當霧散開就真的自由
獨自尋遍這地球　找新的出口　謝謝你讓我　愛過

indeed, tiredness conquer me,
every part of myself jz crumble,
the uncertainities, anxieties,fears,
add ons the loady workloads, revisions,
housechores, cooking, daily problems,
jz push me down...so tired....
life without papa n mama...
is so horrible n terrible...
lost house's key, internet banking breakdown,
shop for groceries n daily necessities,
prepare lunches, wash clothes, pay bills....
how much i wish my papa n mama are here..
who will jz do everything for me...
what i need to do is jz study..
no worrries bout how life gonna be tmrw n the days ahead...
well, i wish go back to the old days so badly...
i wish there'll always be someone who share my burdens...
i wish i can always be a child...forever ever...

haha...i know what i think of is jz so impossible to come true...
what to do le??
jz move forward lo...what can you do more missy?? you tell me la!!!
cry?? that's useless!!!
smile?? that's a fake one!!!
worries?? that's a killing factor!!!
fear?? that's a murder weapon!!!

well, believe and trust in Him?? unashamed on where you're standing?? pray??
Yea, these are the ways to motivate me to carry on and on....
it's always a journey...
God never fail you...
He'll never ever gonna to fail you!!! remember pls =))

Unashamed

well, after a tough week, after the first hubs test, after all and all, i finally have time for You, Father Lord. (i know that was wrong as i should have time for Him everyday). SIGH.....I am lost in His track as i kept walking on my own. But, church yesterday was really great and awesome one. After a very tiring week, once again, i put down and surrender all to Him that night. My tears fall as i set free from Him after all and all. That's the tears of happiness and gratefulness.

I am grateful that You are here to walk with me everyday.
I am grateful that You deliver awesome people to speak to me in my life along this journey.
I am grateful that what You give are always more than enough.
I am grateful that You make me different from the past.
I am grateful that You are the only lover of my soul.
I am grateful that You love me so much so badly.

There is a cry in my heart,
There is a thirst for discipline,
There is a hunger for things that are deeper.
There is a yearn for peace and calm to reach its victories.




Unashamed by starfield~~

I have not much
To offer You
Not near what You deserve
But still I come
Because Your cross
Has placed in me my worth

Oh, Christ my King
Of sympathy
Whose wounds secure my peace
Your grace extends
To call me friend
Your mercy sets me free

And I know I'm weak
I know I'm unworthy
To call upon Your name
But because of grace
Because of Your mercy
I stand here unashamed

I can't explain
This kind of love
I'm humbled and amazed
That You'd come down
From heavens heights
And greet me face to face

Here I am at Your feet
In my brokeness complete

Hmm, this song hits my heart and life.
a song which make me reflects myself...
why should i be ashamed of myself who is being sent here??
why should i be ashamed of God who i believe so much??
why should i be ashamed of the place that He sent me??
why couldn't i be unashamed of where i am standing and how far that i had gone through??
why couldn't i be unashamed of what i am doing and pursuing so badly for??


well, these are the questions in my mind for now.
i know i should be UNASHAMED that i am His lovely daughter =))
easter holidays coming, easter camp coming,
time for refreshing after all n all....
time for me to find back the first love to Him =))

a text prayer :)

WOAH!!!
Alicia sent me a text prayer yesterday night =))
First of my lifetime i never ever receive one,
so She ( my awesome lg leader) is the first!!!

An inordinary text,
a prayer which calms my soul and mind,
a prayer which gives me strength to push through,
a prayer which my tears that full of tiredness and anxieties fall for,
a prayer which i need so much so much....
a prayer which God amazed me by giving me a chance to believe....
a prayer which she fulfilled her promise :)

here is the first text prayer i received :

Father God, thank you that you love us and are our shepherd and our provider,our ever present help in times of need. Thank you for jane. Thank you for the lovely person that she is. Father, u commit her into your hands and pray that you will bless her and be with her. pray that as she prepares for her exams you will continue to guide her, give her a sharp mind, wisdom and understanding that she may study well...and peace of mind and calmness so she will not be anxious or stressed. Pray that she sill cast all her anxieties and burdens on you Lord because You care and she can trust you, knowing that You are in control of every situation. Thank you father God. In Jesus name i pray, Amen =)

Amen :)

The lost key...

well, i am so lost nowadays...
even possibly, jz possibly locked myself out of my room for a whole night!!!
can't even contact the landlord,
can't even break the door,
can't even call the locksmith as it's jz so expensive,
can't even study my hubs for term test this friday,
can't even do anything but jz wait and wait......

hmmm, last week was jz not my week,
heaps of annoying things happened,
was totally being involved in rumours of who prefer who, who likes who....
well, i dislike rumours as in those are jz a death wish...
nothing is true...and sometimes jz possibly destroy a friendship..
all in all, luckily, i'm not that innocent to reckon he might be, jz a little bit fall for me...
well, i am sensible enough to know that he is jz not into me...so yea!!!
Rumours pls pls n pls STOP!!!

hmmm...after a heartbrokening one,
i would never ever expect that there'll be someone who will really fall for me...
n jz put his focus on me...accept the whole me....
mummy said 'be patient, God will give you the one who suits you, coz only Him knows you well enough....don't ever find someone jz to fill up your obssession towards love or the emptiness inside!! '
So, now, i jz not want to involve in any rumours...either it might be true or false.
If ever has someone who falls for me, pls come straight to me and say :)
i prefer someone who is brave enough to confess rather than spreading out rumours which may be fake...

So, i am a very straightforward person. Hates ppl turning here n there then eventually say out the truth. i wonder why i become more n more down to earth...maybe this stressful environment makes me becoming less emotional but rational. n Maybe this is what God wants me to be...a tough, strong, rational, sensible girl =))

about the lost key....i successfully bargain with the locksmith in order to get a reasonable price. Well, a really costly lesson for me!!! ( should have to hit my ass if i do it again!!! ) So, i promise i would never left my keys inside n locked myself outside again....NEVER!!! ( pls learn to remember to take the KEY b4 you left!!!)

我不懂

她，
比我勇敢，
比我开朗，
比我大胆，
比我更在乎，
比我更了解，
比我更适合，
知道你喜欢什么，
讨厌什么，
总是知道你的车有什么，播什么歌，
总是会在乎自己的头发又没有乱，
总是会在乎你的胡须又没有剃好，

你，
对她不一样，
对她特别关心，
有她的地方，你很快乐，
有她在，你总是很开心，
去喜欢她喜欢的一切，
有和她一样喜欢的歌，
总是会看她多两眼，
总是只听她的话，

这就是大家所谓的爱吗？
那么有没有那么一个人会去喜欢我喜欢的一切？
有没有一个人会去认为我的不完美都是完美的？
有没有那么一个人可以让我撒娇，让我了解？
有没有那么一个他可以让我依赖，连我安静时都知道我在想什么？

我想念他，一个不是男朋友的好朋友，一个包容接受我所有一切的那个他。

happiness from small things =D

Ta da!!!
Ta da!!!
i was happy today =D
coz my black pepper chicken turns out so well!!!
everyone gives me compliments..HAHAHA =))
Thumbs up la wei!!!
even me myself can't believe i can cook that well =))

coz everything jz in a mess!!!
can't even have enough strength to chop up chicken with cleaver!!
How can i cook a good n fabulous meals??
well, have to thanks ezra who teaches me a lots of dishes...HAHA!!!
cooking will really make me cry man!!
esp, need to cook for 6 ppl...n do all washings..phew!!!
But, yea!!! i am happy!!! =)))

HAPPY not because got praises from flatties...
But, happy that i can suck it up and push it through instead of break down!!!
N now...gonna to suck up HUBS =(( N push it through as well!!! =))
so JANE GO JANE!!! SMILE =D

你在哪里？？

This is one of my attempt on joel's DSLR....
It shows in the midst of the darkness....
there is always a beam of light,
which is Hope. =))


这几天，眼泪在眼睛里打滚，
好累，好累，真的好累，
对自己有说不出来的失望，
对未来有画不出来的害怕，
对身边的人有说不出来的恐惧，
对妈妈有哭不出来的烦恼，
对上帝有说不出来的问题，

我从过去解脱了，
因为如果分离是唯一的解脱，最后的话我来说，
因为如果永远你不必再难过，遗憾让我来过，
因为就算过去的回忆太脆弱，连未来也没有我，
我还是希望你过得比我更好，比我更快乐。。

现在，
你在哪里，我的上帝，你在哪里？？
我拼命地找你的踪影，
拼命地跟紧你的背影，
拼命地撇开一切幻想，
拼命地告诉自己‘只有一次，请你活着！’
拼命地把泪水往内挤，
拼命地等待那道光的出现。。。


finally, i decided to find You once again, decided not to wait but reach out to You, decided to have the 4 days jz for You......

Thanks You for letting her (dorothy) always there......

Yes!!! i do a prayer as this today, Prayer of trust.
not only put trust on God, but, i need to give trust to people who i can believe to.
I am learning i promise......
although sometimes i will wonder ''where are you now God?? '' ....
sometimes i will fear of people around me...jz so insecure...
sometimes i am lost in this path of life...
sometimes the uncertainities haunted me....
sometimes i feel that i am so broken....

我好想脱下面具，做最真实的自己。

friendship....

What's friendship means?
what's ''friend'' means to you??
who's your friend??
Isn't it means u spend more time with them, then he/she is ur friend??
Isn't it means u are afford to play or communicate with them, then he/she is ur friend??
Isn't friends more than jz all those??
那些玩不起的就不算是朋友吗？？ 我玩不起！真的.........

I am kind of insecure about who's my true friends, who's the one who will love and care about you when you are in such a deep worries n troubles, who's the one who will not judge your weaknesses, who's the one who will always hold your hands tight and stand by you, who's the one who will carry half the burdens of you are taking?? tell me who is this person?? WHO?? the person who i can give my trust fully to...the person i can cry to...the person who can accept the real n whole jane....the person i can take down my mask n jz be myself??

Yea....i had to admit that i am not that well-spoken in english...but i did try my very best to learn, try and apply. I felt so guilty whenever i go out for a whole day....there's so much so much more to catch up. I am not such smart students...all i can depends on is my hardwork...how hard i work for it?? how much efforts i put into it?? honestly, i can't make a balance btwn studies and have fun ( somethings i really need to learn....sighhhh)

Sometimes, i did feel so disappointed to myself. Why i jz can't reject those temptations?? why i jz can't sit n focus n study??why emotions always outweigh rational thoughts and actions?? why i jz can't put what i said to actions?? WHY?? feel like so broken...jz so broken into pieces....i shouldn't be too considerate on emotions, shouldn't be too procastinating, shouldn't be so hypocrite.....sighhh....

God, where are you?? pls mend me with your potter's hand again.....give me strength to walk through this....pls give me someone i can put my trust in....or give me trust in someone.....i find it so hard so hard to pour out myself to others...i jz hide everything inside...almost everything....all i know is jz smile but i am not happy....God pls heal me....drag me up...make me over again =(((

What if ?? What should??

Well, i had gone through a pretty long day. First Chem Lab was really in a mess, not me but almost 3 quarters of the class. I was being fixed in a place which my lab partner who sit beside me didn't know how to run the whole experiment. So, i need to lead him in order to finish the whole experiment in 3 hours. Leading a boy who doesn't know how to carry out the experiment is not an easy stuff (seriously!!!). I need to explain how the whole experiment run, what's aim of the experiment, how to deal with the calculations , procedures and heaps!!! Duhhh....blabla n bla =((

So yea, after the first chem experiment with a new freshman, i reckon that how great is God in leading everyone of us in the path of life. How can He makes it?? I wonder.....Okay, let's say what if God decided to stop leading us tomorrow because we didn't follow Him today?? What if God didn't walk with us today because we failed to recognize it as His day?? What if God took away the bible tmrw because we would not read it today?? What if God took away His message because we failed to listen today?? What if God didn't send His beloved son to wash away our sin because we didn't believe in Him?? What if God closed the door of the church because we didn't open the door of our hearts?? What if God stop loving and caring us because we stop loving others?? What if God took away His blessing because we didn't bother to say ''thank you'' to Him?? What if God met our needs the way we give Him our lives??

The ''what ifs'' questions are sobering and help me to reflect that i take far too much for granded in the relationship with Him. Isn't i asking too much but returning less?? Stef's word today keeps on flashing through my mind today : it's not too much jz to give God your 4 days out of 365?? Well, it's something i need to think about it before making a right choice....indeed, i want those 4 days are all for Him n jz for Him.

Well, i'm gng to continue my bible reading everyday...in order to finish the new testament....keep it up....one day has 24 hrs.....and it's not too much jz to give your 30 mins for Him n jz for Him!!!

第一次

第一次生病到不省人事，

第一次生病了还拚了命去上了连续六小时的课，

第一次生病到差点晕倒在实验室，

第一次生病到吃什么吐什么，

第一次生病到在床上出汗发抖还是怕错过上课时间，

第一次生病了但没有喊妈妈，没有掉眼泪，

第一次我那么坚持，想要有生命为我爱的人和爱我的拼一次。。。。

"In Me"

by casting crowns

If you ask me to leap

Out of my boat on the crashing waves

If You ask me to go

Preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone

Cause I know I'm nothing on my own

But the power of Christ in me makes me strong

Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong

When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me

Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability

How refreshing to know You don't need me

How amazing to find that you want me

So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength

Until You bring the victory,

by the power of Christ in me

If You ask me to run

And carry Your light into foreign land

If You ask me to fight

Deliver Your people from Satan's hand

To reach out with Your hands

To learn through Your eyes

To love with the love of a savior

To feel with Your heart

And to think with Your mind

I'd give my last breath for Your glory

(I am so attached this song nowadays...It's speaking from God to me. Sighhh....sick in the first week of this great war. Everyone is so tensed. Not joining in any lifegroup now. Actually, i really don't know which LG to go to as my previous one has been splited. Kind of discouraged though especially during this time when i want to talk to somebody, want to express all the 'tiredness' and 'stress' to somebody who i can really pour out to. My best friend here, dorothy, who is more stressed than me, but thanks for always there. We make a promise to ace for med together yet it's so hard so hard for me. However, this song is hit me, hit my heart....How amazing to find out that You want me...i jz feel so amazing with his LOVE. When there is nobody by your side to listen to you, or jz to encourage you or push you through, He always the only one who wants you. So, stand up for His truth, fight with Your strength, He will bring you the victory. So sick now.....sorethroat, fever, sneeze sneeze, stressed inside out.....Yet, You make me strong, make me strong!!! let's survive for the second week!!!)

When baby is bornt.....

Hmm..I suppose to sleep now but end up with blogging coz something which is so beautiful amazed and inspired me so much today.

Wow!!! One of my flatmates who is a future doctor see a baby boy is being bornt today.
Wow!!! She tells me that she feels amazing...amazed of the great work which is done so beautifully by God. She says that the mother is shouting for hours and hours while keep pushing out the baby from her vagina. Her husband is holding her hand for the whole day and night. Her mother-in-law is standing and waiting outside the operation room, waiting anxiously for the new one being bornt. In the moment i hear that, i am so touched. So touched by the LOVE from the whole family who are welcoming the new one to their family. WOW!!!

Then, the pushing moments is really hard. The mother is jz giving out all her best and strength to push out the baby as the vagina is not big enough and it will contract and relax all the times. How painful is it to push out the whole foetus from the vagina?? I can't really imagine how painful it is....The painfulness of the mother who take risk to give birth to the baby highlights the LOVE which every mum has for their children. Jiejie tells me that if not careful enough or some reasons, the mother might paralyse after giving birth to the baby naturally. See....Mum sacrifices so much for us....SO MUCH!!! I am really touched when it reach this part...the internal feeling of appreciation is so strong....i jz wanna to say a very big ''THANK YOU'' to my mum....indeed =D

Next, Jiejie tells me that the baby head stuck when the mother is pushing out him. It is a very dangerous and challenging process.....the doctors do their best by pulling out the head of the foetus gently yet a lil strength is still needed...what a hardchore?? God bless that the baby is being bornt. Then, this is the time for the father to cut the cord which is attached from baby stomach to his mum. Why dad of the child and husband of the lady are advisable to do that?? It is because family is a connectable entity...mum, dad and others need to do their responsible in a family. So the man who cut the cord is the person who holds her wife's hand in his whole life and lead the family as his responsibility as He is the prove man who watch how his wife give birth to his child....

Then, baby starts crying...the grandma who is waiting for hours outside is jumping with joy and merry....She thanks God for the healthy of both of them and the great news of the one who is being bornt. Well, everyone in the operation rooms is happy with the success. Everyone is touched, esp the med students. Jiejie says her tears fall...coz it's the first time she has a glimpse to watch and help in a giving birth process. She says she hopes there will be more and more in the coming days. Baby's hands is so smooth and he is named as Sam. He is very cute as well.

Wowww!!! i was really amazed by the whole story. I wish i could be there as well to see the real giving birth process. I love babies....I love to see how babies are being bornt....I love!!! So, must study really really hard to get into medicine. Well, it's jz so hard for me as international. Yet, i will try and do my very best of it. Thanks God who always tells me through others to inspire and encourage me. I wish i can be a mother one day as well =D

好累，好累，但听到妈妈说: '姐，你长大了，从前不会做的，不懂得感激的，只会埋怨的，等人家帮你的，现在的你，不管要走多远，搬多重的东西，处理金钱和生活，你全部都会了，没有人教你，没人帮你，但你却用你的生命和全部来完成，我很欣慰因为你长大了.'

听了妈妈的话，我的眼泪从眼角流出来，什么都没说，但只说了‘谢谢你’。
眼泪是快乐的，是满足的 ；谢谢是我从来都没说出口的，放在心里的，
今天，我开口跟妈妈说‘谢谢’了。。。

tiring day...

had been through 2 early morning lecture,
squeezing with 550 plus of ppl,
snatch a seat or else you have to leave,
yet, relationship among we girls bonding, growing =D,
bring me back to the wonderful childhood i had,
all GIRLS sharing secrets, reminds each other,
However, STILL,
ppl stressed inside out,
long queue for microbiology first lab on microscope,
rush back to have light lunch,
rush to school again to have the next lecture,
then, searching, asking here and there for printer and ink cartridge,
saving money as much as we can,
books, books, books...hardly been found,
walk back home with bags of groceries,
YEAH!!! Happy to be at home =D
Then, with God bless, had a simple yet delicious dinner,
cooked by one of the flatties (steven, you good chef man!!!)
my turn will be on the coming friday..
what to cook?? i have no idea....sighh...
And me tired until fall asleep when we are having dinner...
HAHA...gonna to revise, REVISE!!!
GO jane GO!!!
Treasure this journey =))
Tough but you had grown up, don't you??
Thanks God for today =D

Regret ?!

After the first day of the new episode of life, i was so stressed. Nah, not only me, but ppl around me were so stressed. Everyone seems to be stressed out. Once finish the first lec of a subject, people rush to the library to revise and REVISE. I really have no idea what can we revise as the first lec is all about the introductions of all subjects that we are taking. Well, ''stress'' can be clearly felt when dorothy and i are lining up to buy the biological physic coursebook n textbook which are only available in a small corner of uni library---uniprint. That's really a LONG queue!!! Duhhhh....

Urghhh....my disobedient stomach was stirring the whole day...kinda like killing me....felt so unwell. But, i still can survive!!! STILL CAN!!! We make it to the early 8 lecture today and finish by 12pm due to no labs this week =)) something to be happy with!!! Then, we go town to find books n printer. Huhu....walking here n there...searching n searching...worrying if we don't manage to find the printer we want. Ink cartridges here are really costly. We want to save as much as we can as we know that those money didn't come so easily. Those are all the ''sweats, tears and blood'' of our parents. So yea...we are really stingy in everything but not to God we promise =)))

After a hard day, finally, i got some times to sit down and take a rest in meanwhile reflects myself in those things i did and the altitude i had for the day. Then, dad calls. He is asking me whether am i good here and can i survive here. I didn't really say much but jz say ''yes, i am okay, don't worry!!! i still can survive as i am your daugther.'' Lastly, he asked me '' are you regret of leaving home and taking such a great risk to get into the course you want??'' I didn't really say anything but my tears fall. It's jz falling. Yet, i told him i didn't regret and i will do my very best for Him and you n mum =)))

No more any thought of regrets in your mind.
Study.Love God n People. Serve. Smile. That's Jane.