friendship....

What's friendship means?
what's ''friend'' means to you??
who's your friend??
Isn't it means u spend more time with them, then he/she is ur friend??
Isn't it means u are afford to play or communicate with them, then he/she is ur friend??
Isn't friends more than jz all those??
那些玩不起的就不算是朋友吗？？ 我玩不起！真的.........

I am kind of insecure about who's my true friends, who's the one who will love and care about you when you are in such a deep worries n troubles, who's the one who will not judge your weaknesses, who's the one who will always hold your hands tight and stand by you, who's the one who will carry half the burdens of you are taking?? tell me who is this person?? WHO?? the person who i can give my trust fully to...the person i can cry to...the person who can accept the real n whole jane....the person i can take down my mask n jz be myself??

Yea....i had to admit that i am not that well-spoken in english...but i did try my very best to learn, try and apply. I felt so guilty whenever i go out for a whole day....there's so much so much more to catch up. I am not such smart students...all i can depends on is my hardwork...how hard i work for it?? how much efforts i put into it?? honestly, i can't make a balance btwn studies and have fun ( somethings i really need to learn....sighhhh)

Sometimes, i did feel so disappointed to myself. Why i jz can't reject those temptations?? why i jz can't sit n focus n study??why emotions always outweigh rational thoughts and actions?? why i jz can't put what i said to actions?? WHY?? feel like so broken...jz so broken into pieces....i shouldn't be too considerate on emotions, shouldn't be too procastinating, shouldn't be so hypocrite.....sighhh....

God, where are you?? pls mend me with your potter's hand again.....give me strength to walk through this....pls give me someone i can put my trust in....or give me trust in someone.....i find it so hard so hard to pour out myself to others...i jz hide everything inside...almost everything....all i know is jz smile but i am not happy....God pls heal me....drag me up...make me over again =(((