Would it be??

after stdy for hours,
When i had maggi mee for my lunch alone,
a phrase came out from the actor in tv,
He and his wife were reflashing back the moment when he proposed to her..............

What's surprising me is all jz start with a slow walk to somewhere,
He jz asked her while they were walking...how random it is!!!
no flowers, no ring, no exaggerated methods or and preparations,
no enchanting, promising and delightful dine,
and not even honeyed words and flattery......

and it could jz happened from a slow walk with nothing....
How amazing is it....
What he said is only...
'' would it be nice if i keep accompany you in this long walk Miss Christine Mayer??''
aww...She nodded her head.....and there'll be all done!!!

It jz so simple yet sincere and heart-warming...
i wonder one day would it be someone comes to me n asked :
'' Would it be nice if i keep accompany you in this long walk Miss Jane??''

i will smile if there is somebody.......

MAKE ME OVER......

After a hard day of a tough week, i was so tired....was really really tired of keep myself living in the past. I wondered why i can't get rid of the past and move on to the future. I was jealous about everything esp when they are having fun or they care about each other and i am miles away from them. Sighhhh....to get out from the past, let the bygones be bygones, i did have to make some changes. (sorry about hiding some of my friends in fb) coz i really can't concentrate but thinking of the past, daydreaming about the past every single night. So yay, starting from today, i am trying to hide as many as i need in order to make myself get out of the past which will never ever return to me or can't ve regained. N starting from today, i want myself to stop those jealousy n envious of what kluang peeps doing or having. The love n care they had among themselves had already forsaken me long time ago, no use for me to waiting n waiting till losing myself for jz to squeeze into a little corner of their minds...( sorry if i offended anyone....) i jz felt like there are problems with myself and jz not alright in some aspects....so sorry bout those offences...

It is jz a major problem which i am facing for months. So, gonna to let it go...n pls go away....i don't want to expect anymore till make myself suffer n lose hope....so yay...gonna to come out of my comfort zone this time!!!! as this year gonna to be a promising year i believe =)) there are lots of dunners' peeps around me...SO NO FEAR AH GIRL!!!!

AH HA!! 3 MORE...3 MORE...i will try my very best to finish it =)))

and still i wanna to give thanks to my dear news reporter who always updates me (jensen), the one who always first to give me everything and listen to me patiently n fills my mailbox with lots of encouraging messages (mr ea guosheng), someone who wanna go mountain climbing n have roti canai, 3 layers tea, fishball mee and chit-chattings with ( Bro JJ), my advisor n very good friend (liwen), my faithful driver who always drives me crazy everywhere when i go back, let's race with your mini babe!!! ( vincent che), my blur-ish buddy n sis in christ (sweetie josie) and lotss...heapss...loadsss ppl =)))

Terima kasih banyak-banyak...

I will be missing you guys......

AH HA...i love the last lines of this song which has been sung with low tune n voice...feel kinda sexy n cheesy....HAHAHA )

pull me in, take me out, make me over!!!

live like we're dying...

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up

we're hiding behind skin
that's too tough

how come we don't say I love you enough

till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come

we could make a feast from these crumbs

and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

so if your life flashed before you what would you wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start

lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it

every second counts on a clock that's tickin'gotta live like we're dying

We only got86 400 seconds in a day toturn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dying

2nd phrase~~

And if your plane fell out of the skies

who would you call with your last goodbye

should be so careful who we let fall out our lives

so when we long for absolution there'll be no one on the line

Yeah... gotta startlookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it

every second counts on a clock that's tickin'gotta live like we're dying

We only got86 400 seconds in a day toturn it all around or throw it all away

we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say

gotta live like we're dyingLike we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

Hmm..i was so attached to this song nowadays. It's jz pretty meaningful and the music is catchy n there are raps in some parts. So yay!!!! the song teaches us that to live like we are dying. So, we will start to appreciate n cherish what we had n are having. n of course, live like we are dying motivates me to move on to things which i haven't accomplished or achieved. N definitely push me to the extreme to finish up the stuffs which i need to or i long for =))) Of course, it's also emphasized on time treasuring. Hence, i will not waste my time in daydreaming for the future or jz emo-ing in looking back the past. ''Do not look back.And do not dream about the future, either.It will neither give you back the past not satisfy your other daydreams. You duty, your reward, your destiny are here and NOW!!! ''

It is a kinda good song to be reccommended when you are in exam or you cannot really find out the purpose of life or the ways to deal with your life. So yay!!! Let's live like we're dying from now!!! NOW!!! =)))

没有那么容易。not that easy.....

人家常说相爱没有那么容易，
幸福没有那么容易，
爱情没有那么容易，
相信没有那么容易。

现在的我，
对我来说，
生活没有那么容易，
考试没有那么容易，
回家没有那么容易，
一个人没有那么容易，
让我对爱有希望没有那么容易，
全部的全部都没有那么容易。。。

not that easy...
to go home is not that easy...
mum told me bout visa problem yesterday...
need to renew it b4 i go home..
but result slip will come out on the 17th of Feb..
my flight back to nz is on 21st if Feb...
4 days to settle the visa stuffs..only 4DAYS!!!
How could it be possible to make it done???
no visa...i can't go back to nz..
i took almost 2 weeks to apply the previous one..
now only 4 days!!!

next, all bills start coming...
phone, rental, power, internet...
jz like heaps of money i am loaning..
run out of money..
waiting for my bond to be returned back..
n the overpaid rentals for last year..
when the money will be backed??

Then, flatties coming back soon..
i did vacuum this whole morning..
wipe n clean the kitchen n floor...
wash all dishes but i broke a bowl...
and cut my leg...how careless am i...
sighhh...so alone is not that easy..
how much i miss my family..
how much i miss the food they cook for me...

and, ppl asking help from me...
post lots n lots of stdylink mails..
okay..i am willing to do that of course..
but give me some time pls..
thank you =))

lastly, the most significant one..EXAM!!!
It's jz striking me all times..
i can't really concentrate as there are too much
too much stuffs need to be done...
too much worries need to be solved..
i really really gonna to crumble...

so...all n all are not that easy!!!
我不知道我可以不可以做到，但我会尽我的全部力气去完成，也许不会是最好的，但至少我会把它们都做完！！！
I don't know whether i can or not, but i will use all i have n all my strength to accomplish all, perhaps, the results of all may not be the best, but at least i will complete all, i promise!!!
Pray for me ppl....thankies....

Sukan, merentas desa, you, i miss.......

Hoho.....striving my very best for this coming exam but i doubt my ability n my laziness always devastate all!!! =(( sighhhh...where is the passion i used to have gone???

ohhh....remember what was i doing at the very beginning of 2008?? hmmm....practising hard for Sukan and merentas desa (long run 5km in the forest area!!! ) How much i miss that moment!!! awww!!! i wish i could go back and everything jz repeated again =)))

Sukan....i miss the time when we were striving n practising hard jz to get a point in each section for our rumah (house). I was in Rumah Abubakar ( the reddish one!!!) Jensen, Kokwei, liwen, tongming, qianru, xueyee were all in my rumah =)). Hehe....we had so much fun during sport practice. Liwen n me always well-prepared ourselves by running n running around the field under the hot sun. Yet, we jz enjoying so much. The sweat, the bear feet on the grass, the passion n enthusiasm in giving our very best jz for a point. Yet, i had to admit that i am not the athletic type as i am always the last one to reach the cut off point in 100m running and i can't do short jump too =((( Short jump...wooohooss!!! i remembered that Kokwei is a pro in that. He teached us how to jump when sport practice. Due to the lack of short jump spot, we put few branches on the grass as cut off point n a piece of big leaf as the stepping wood..how creative is we?? HAHAHA....then we kept practising by using our invention till everyone had already left school. n We never ever miss a sport practice. NEVER!!!SEE PPL!!! how much commitment we put in!!! n STILL, we (kok, liwen, jensen, me) rushed for the next tuition after practice although body still stinking with the smelly sweat. But, we were happy and satisfied at that time!!! REALLY!!! =)))

Then, merentas desa....wootsss...my favourite!!! We practised hard to be able to complete the race=the very long run. Before the night of rentas desa, we always text our peers to bring along some sweets, a bottle of glucose drink (ribenna) and a small tower to tie on wrist. We remind each other coz we care. Not care for the victory, but care for the safety n health of each n other. In the early morning, we gathered at stadium for warming up n cheering for our rumah. Of course, we helped each other to pin up the number on the front n back of our shirt (did that btwn girls n boys of course.) When it was the time for girls to run, guys will jz shout to support us along the way. When we nearly reached the destination, guys always shout '' Go, Go, Only left few steps n time, Go for it. YOU CAN!!!'' I love the ''shouting n cheering'' as those really boost my determination to carry on n finish the race, the really tough one =)) When we reached the destination, guys always stand by at the very front as we might fall down or jz pengsan. Some of them will give us drink n ask us to sit down n rest. SEE...how lovely we were....

You, my very very best buddy, someone who never ever leave me when i need you, always support me in every race i run. I miss you, EA GUO SHENG!!! everytime, before rentas desa, before sukantara, before sport practices, before extra classes, before EXAMs, you will surely come to me n ask me '' have u eaten?? are you alright?? need any help??'' . You always do that. We always pin the rentas desa number for each other, we always cheer for each other, we always laugh to each other, we always help each other,we always care for each other. No matter in sports or academic stuffs, you always always be there for me as my stand by. Always the first one to greet me ''happy birthday'', always reserve a place for me in addmath tuition, always lend me all the stuffs u have ( glue, liquid paper, tissue paper, colour pensil, scissors and many more), always remind me on my weaknesses n faults, always ask me what i had for lunch, always lend me ur piggy purplish umbrella when we walked down the hill for lunch,always ask me not to be so rude as i am a girl, always bear my grumbling n emotions, always listen to my naggings and cries, always n always got to know my habits. Yet, after all of all, u still there. No matter how bad n pampered i am, u still always be there for me, never ever ''dropped'' me. Even i am here, thousands mile away from you, u still care for me n ask me how's my doing whenever you free. I still grumble to you, tell u my burdens n stuffs i confused n don't know. Still, we are very very best friend, buddy till now!!! I miss you so much so much!!! =(((

Exam periods boost up my nostalgia in the past. Sports, peers, good buddy and of course my family ( Lao Ba, mama n meimei) I always looking forward when you guys talk to me through skype. I always waiting for time struck to 10PM (msia time) to see whether family is online. I always insomnia and cry to myself when i am so stressed!!! =((( I always felt guilty n sinful when i didn't do well or never ever give my very best. This time i doubt myself again. sighhhhhh.....

I miss you guys so much!!! I miss the life we doing together so much!!!
Coz there are jz so much so much more meaningful n worthy to me!!!!
I kinda homesick, peer sick n jz sooooooo sickkkkkk!!!!

Go with your strength, I'll stand by you.....

I was so touched by this video on how strong those AIDS patients live on their lives every single day. Pains appear when they are being injected. Sufferings occur when they are lacking of basic necessities to survive. Sorrows reveal when their loved ones passed away. Really, compares to them, indeed, we have a blissful life which is full of love and blessings. Why we still complaint or demand for more when we have already given more n much more than them???

hmm, this is a small reminder for me myself who always feel doesn't alright in everything, who always grumble for everything, who always appreciate less with what i had and am having, who has lost her faith n hope in achiving GOALS in life n on hypocrisy of peers which i fear of.

Here, i want to apologize to Lord coz i always fall asleep in service. But, today, i do remember a phrase which is delivered by pastor Mike in order for us to accomplish our massive GOALS in life. This phrase entirely hits my heart, stays in my mind, follows me in whatever i do n wherever i go.

'' Go with your strength, He will follow you, His love will sustain you.''

Stick it pls!!!

hmm.....i am practicising to put in my contacts everyday. Yet, i did fail it all the times. It never ever goes into my eye once....not even once!!! My sis told me to stop blinking when u want to insert me my contacts. yes, i did stop blink my eyes!!! But, the results never turn out the way i desire for=((( i really have no idea what's wrong with my eyes. I really wish to try for it once. wanna to feel how contacts make me feel refreshed. wanna to take off my specs which i had worn for almost 10 years. sighhhhhhh.....failed!!!

Yet, i am not going to give up anyway. i will still try on. To be honest, contacts really cast out my fear n timidity. Although it's jz something which is transparent n soft n small , yet it's like something which build up my courage to do something i don't dare to try out. so yea!!! i need the COURAGE!!! The BIG COURAGE to face every single hardship which will be coming pretty soon!!! =)))

Oh...my contacts, i will never give up on you!!!
Oh...my promising 2010, i will make you eventful and fruitful!!!
Oh...my Above Papa, i will do my very best to make You proud of me n Glorify Your Name!!!! =))))

p/s : any suggestions on how to wear contacts easily???? i wanna know!!!

Stress ?!

Hmmp!! Honestly, this is my mood for a studying week....i love weekends!!! =)) (Thumbs up!!)

p/s : Today is the second day of the week.....gahhhhhh....suffering with assignment!!!! i fear...i confused...i don't really know how to do it well =((( (heart n mentality n physical body are preparing to be blended by the sharp blender!!! )

YA!!! i am stressed by assignment n upcoming exam!!! Alamak, haven't revise yet, haven't finish done yet!!! (ALL UNDONE!!!)

p/s : soon n very very soon, i will become the creature above!!! SEE !!

I want to break something, anything, all things...........ahhhhhhh......

Que : doesn't it help?? if it does, i m gonna to bang BAng BANG million times.....

Sighhhh....i know..i know!!! stop sitting!!! STAND UP N STUDY N FINISH IT!!!

Pls do pray for me okay?? i need it!!! jz desparate for it!!! =))))

OKAY!!! i know i am lucky to be here!!! ALWAYS BARK N REMIND ME!!!

The first basketball game =))

I had the first basketball game after living for 19 years..and it's truth..i am not kidding!!! =))

~This is the first time i am being involved in the game with bros n sisters in christ.
~This is the first time i am not being considered as a transparent one.
~This is the first time ppl shouted my name and willing to pass the ball to me.
~This is the first time ppl encouraged me to score when ball in my hand.
~This is the first time i really let go my hypocrisy n enjoy the game.
~This is the first time i love ppl to shout at my name n pass the ball to me.
~This is the first time ppl willing to teach me what to do when ball is fallen in my hand.
~This is the first time ppl willing to build me up from my weaknesses.
~This is the first time i reckon basketball is a fantastic sport game.
~This is the time i fall in love with it =))

Thanks guys for the Love n Willingness =)))

Sweat !? Rain?!

Attention!!! Attention!!!
weather report for today : hailing....little raindrops falling...heavy rain coming...Lastly, my dear Mr Sunshine appeared ( wooohoosss!!!) But, he stayed only for 20 mins...Then, the cycle repeated again n again =(( This is what we call ''summer'' in dunners!!! Cool enough?? Special isn't??

Here comes to what had i done for these few days. Nothing much , i did. But, I am doing something which is pretty productive!!! Although i had been sticking with the rain for 2 days, I still determined to go to exercise!!! I went to gym 2 days a week. ( I knew that 2 days can be really consider as peanut to people lah!!! ) But, at least i determined to go or at least i go =))

Why my adrenaline urging me to do some exercise nowadays??? I reckoned that God want me to search back something i had lost for so long. He wants me to gain back something what i used to have. I really really can feel His presence by my side nowadays. He are hinting me to find back something which i had lost for a long time but i didn't realize. Yet. He knows, He reminds, He cares.......

On wednesday, i went to play badminton with andrew n raymond. AAAWWWWW!!! I was kinda excited when i was holding the racquet which i had not hold it for months. It was not my favourite racquet which i had backhome. It was jz a simple, rotted, used by heaps and an imperfect one. When i began the game with a shuttlecock leaving out of my hand, i was getting more n more excited. I love the feeling when the little shuttlecock was being hitted by me to others with my strenght. I love the way when i am playing the game seriously with strong willpower to finish the one hr game since i had not done much exercise this year.

To me, badminton is not only jz a sport game. This can be meant to life. Some don't know who is holding his racquet as like holding his life. Some reckon that he/she theirselves are holding the racquet but always out of control. Some realize that Only God who is holding the racquet and control it in every game, it might not be controlled very well or perfectly good yet, He holds it flexibly as He knows when is the time to hold tight and loose and how to use it to finish every game. Some games might lose eventually but failure is a good lesson n training for us to become stronger n stronger to fight for victory in the coming days. If we win the game, humility will become the lesson =))

Then, for today, i go to gym with andrew n melissa. I told myself to complete an half an hour running on a running machine and cycling for 15 mins n push-up for 15 mins too!!! n WOOOHOOOSSS!!! i am sweating. This is the moment which i longed for months. The salty sweats is falling down from my forehead and embracing my whole body!!! I jz love it!!! Yet, due to the unpredictable weather, my sweat is being condensed by the super chilly wind =((( n it results to the original me (never sweat previously!!!) SIENNNNNNN =.=''

Hmm...one of the reasons i go to gym n exercise is to slim down by 5kgs (it's kinda much i know). Yet, the most significant reason is i want to find back the determination, willpower, faith and passion i used to have to complete every task n challenge beautifully. I might not be the best but i want to be the '' better'' one. My resolution : shoo you fats, shoo you laziness, shoo you hopelessness!!!!

All n all, after a long hiatus, i want to come back to The Almighty Lord. He has been longing for me to return to Him, I know. He is so familiar with me yet sometimes i am not. He is always there for me yet sometimes i ignore. He loves me so much more than i can imagine n believe. Afterall, i want to surrender to him - my family, studies, church, country, peers, relationship n everything. I want to believe You n only You with all my heart n serve You n your ppl with all i have. More or less, i have, i will share n serve!!!

''Have i not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified ; Do not be discourage, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go'' Joshua 1:9

Every flower must grow through dirt.....

I want to share 3 songs which inspire n encourage me lots these days...

1st-- Note To God by charice ( which Joan posted on fb yesterday, n i was so touched by this song till i kept on humming it in school today. This song seems like a prayer i utter to God always since everything changed n went wrong on the road i am walking. Every morning n night, i always jot a small note to God, asking Him to strengthen me the whole day n appreciate that i have one more day to be alived. When i stand at the end of the road, his tenderness always reach out to me through the care which is given by family n peers. Somethings in life never have a clue, somethings in life we can't do by our own, Yet, once u submit everything to God, things will work out in a special way that u never ever thought of =))




2nd--Potter's hand by hillsongs
i don't why i love this song so much n yea this song is meaningful. I am in a potter's hand who mould me, shape me, change me and crafted me into Your plan since You decided to send me here n away from my comfort zone. Eventually, i still choose to give all of my life to Your hands no matter how tough the journey will going to be. Here, pls assure me that You will hold me, guide me, lead me and walk beside me in this tough journey. I believe in my potter's hand it will be a promising journey n year =))





3rd--Take my hand and walk by The Kry (which i knew from jen's blog)

This song inspire me heaps after every experience n hardship which i had walked through in my growth. Don't live in the past cause yesterday's gone, wishing memories would last coz i'm afraid to carry on. I don't know what's comin' but I know the one who holds tomorrow. This song is like someone who is talking face to face with me, remind me that there always has Someone who take my hand and walk with me....awwww...i love this song =))) ( wish to have a duet of this song with my future life partner in our wedding day) HAHAHA...will be sweet n meaningful coz we take each other hands n walk in God's blessing n path to pursue the happiness =))






Here comes the lyrics of the last song =)))

I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
with a child-like heart
simply put your trust in Me
CHORUS:Take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

Don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me
Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're afraid of the unknown
take my hand and walk where I lead
you will never be alone
faith is to be sure of what you hope for
and the evidence of things unseen
so take my hand and walk
Just like a childholdings daddy's hand
don't let go of mineyou know you can't stand
on your own
(repeat chorus)

Words by Jean-Luc Lajoie and Yves Lajoie
Music by Jean-Luc Lajoie

like a porcupine

after the last smile,
after they left,
my tears fall,
they jz keep on falling without brake,
i felt like crumble in these days,
physically n mentally totally broke down....
n i had a research essay to pass up on the 5th..
but, i had never started yet..
helpless....jz so faze n fearful...
i wonder how am i gonna to submit it....sigh..

flatting by myself,
isn't that easy,
i don't know how to open n use the electric stove,
i used two days to clean the whole house,
from sweeping, vacuuming, wiping the kitchen, washing plates n cups,washing the toilet, cleaning my room, arranging my stuffs, fixing the bookshelf (it's really tough), buying groceries from supermarket, washing all the bedlinens n clothes n etc...
i was crumbled after those cleaning tasks....
ohhh...mummy!!! where r u??
i cried to myself n only myself...
i lied to mum n dad ''i'm okay although all by myself''...
i smiled in front of peers, cousins n family...
i never ever dare to ask for help (unless i really can't do it)
i never ever complaint or grumble to others...
i jz hiding all my internal fears n matters precisely n carefully....
coz i don't know who are going to listen to me??
who can i tell?? or who care??
Only HIM, The big papa up there...
n this faithful blog...

2009,
i had been tried so hard to step into ppl life....
i had been learnt so hard to practice their cultures n languages (i don't good at eng)
n the ways they speak n chat n of course their interests..
i had been in masked face for so long time..
i had been expecting too much from ppl n lastly came to only disappointments...
i had been done my best to greet my good friends in my hometown but no one will greet me instead, not even a simple ''how are u?''.....
i had been learnt to be independent n mature in whatever i do...
i had been trying my best to please everyone..n to hang out..

Yet,
who's willing to step into my life??
who's willing to understand the real me??
who's willing to jz ''say hello'' to me from hometown n not forsake me??
who's willing to support me n hear from me??
who's willing to make me grow in everything??

I don't know...i really don't...
i don't have the security i used to have....
i don't have the trust to ppl who may be hurted me one day...
i don't have the faith in whatever i do although i really want to do it well...
i don't have the hope in almost everything....

I am like a porcupine...
full of sharp thorns...
to protect, to fight, to cover up...
only left a little bit pride...
after casting off the gorgeous look...
loneliness n helplessness, aren't they pathetic??
i don't know...

I am like a porcupine...
protect myself by losing trust on ppl..
acts as a hypocrite..
masked with courage...
not easily look through by ppl...
i thought i am strong n is stronger than i think....
yet, i am not...

The firmness of a porcupine is only an illusion or gloss.....so do i..

我承认我没那么坚强，不过是一而再地逞强，小心把情绪收藏，刺猬的坚强全都是假象....哭吧...

Love Came Down....

wooo!!! 2010 now!!!

Time flies......any resolution for this year??

Hmm...i have!!! i want to strive hard in hsfy 2010!!!

It's a really tough journey which like a nightmare that i need to dream for a whole year....

Do i afraid?? Yes, i do. The uncertainity makes me feel insecure....

However, i am learning to be independent now (living in a 6 rooms flat all by myself is the starting point)

I don't know how wonderful or how tough the journey gonna to be, but, i am learning to be grateful in everything You gave. Your love came down to rescue me in every situation n hardship. Your love show me everything will be possible in Your hands as You will never ever let go mine.

Resolution 2010:

1) Love God more n more

2) Love n cherish my family more n more ( miss them!!! =(( )

3) Strive hard in whatever i do n my priority (study) to glorify Your name.

4) become a better grl and friend

5) Learning n keep on growing!!! =))

6) Forget the past, moving on for the future!!!

Thanks for lotsa of love my bros n sisters in christ gave =)) Jane appreciate!!!

miss the time we were playing in playground n countdown in octagon =))) Thanks for the companion you guys gave =)))