I miss Daddy!!!

Cinderella -by steven curtis chapman =))


I miss daddy so much SO MUCH!!!

I miss the times we were watching football games at midnight.

I miss the times we went ''yum cha'' after each piano class i had.

I miss the times you were holding an umbrella n waiting for me to finish school when it was raining.

I miss the times you sent books when i forgot to bring to school.

I miss the times you teached me english n maths.

I miss the times you reached to fetch me within my 5 mins after i called.

I miss the times you brought food for me when i had extra classes.

I miss the times we chatted n talked about craps (school's events, class's gossips, friend's matters, basically everything happened in school =D )

I miss the times you trained me to drink wine (white ones, my favourite) n beers (carlsberg, thumbs up) - we both alcoholics!!!

I miss the times you scold me for not switching off tv n lights.

I miss the times you bought a dozen of chicken essence =((( n made it for me to drink during every exam.

I miss the times you opened air-con, lid up the mossie's coil n opened toliet's door before i sleep =))

I miss the times you knocked on my door to ask me to sleep or take a nap when i was too bz or during exam.

I miss the times we were watching olympic n sports - F1 race '' kimi, go, Go, GO'' , Bad '' aaww, i love Lin Dan la dad, he is awesome!!!''

I miss the times we were eating goreng pisang n cendol by the roadside after tuition.

I miss the times you calm me down when i was crying to you for reasons.

I miss the times we went to have ''Tim Sum'' n your car always kena saman =p

I miss the times we washed cars n do gardening together =))

I miss the times you teached me how to drive buggy n drive for u when u was playing golf with sis =)))

I miss the times when we were playing badminton together.

I miss the times you teached me how to fish n pull the net but i got bitten by the catched fish. =))

I miss the times we went diving together in Pulau Tioman every year since i was 7.

I miss the times you never ever give up on me on my piano when i failed for the first time.

I miss the times you are proud of me in front of ppl n give me compliments =))

I miss the times you smiled when i made u proud =)))

N i miss the times u were talking to me through phone when i m in nz.

I miss you so much daddy. You jz like my guardian angel who were protecting me so well. You made me impressed and inspired most of the times. You gave me a good family with love n without financial problems. You brought the religion to my life. You love me so much n willing to sacrifice your time, money, physical strength n etc for me =)))

Thank you for every single lil things u had done n are doing for me =)) Thanks for letting me become your ''cinderella''.... love you heaps heaps =))

My daddy, is jz someone more than a blood-related person, he is a friend to me, yet, sometimes he is jz more than a friend =)))

Ideal future spouse?? urmm??

Haha...we had grls night 2 days ago, and i am the youngest one among them (something for me to happy for =D ). As most of us are single, so we all decided to talk about what criterias, preferences, and qualities we wish our future spouses to have. Nah, to me, i didn't really think about it before as maybe either i am not mature enough or i don't really have hope to a relationship or romance. Simple saying might be i jz lose expectation, hope n faith in love after a heartbroken one.

When reached my turn to share about ''qualities n criterias of my ideal future spouse'' , i really really don't know how to start with...i jz speechless at that moment....hehe..Then, stella gave me guide to lead me in sharing. She asked me to share from 3 different aspects (physically, spiritually and emotionally) which i wish my ideal spouse has. I was like ''Huh, do i need to say it in details?? '' Without a second, all jiejie stared at me with big eyes and replied ''Yes, of course my lil grl!!!'' HMM...i was shivering man...but still i share =))

Physically,
i didn't really ask for more aye,
~ jz need to be neat!!!
~Pls deal yourself with your dressings,
so i don't need to worry for him. ( That'll be pretty nice =)
~ i prefer small eyes one =))
~ n have a great smile =))
~ somebody i can kiss then better lah!!

Spiritually,
~he must be stronger than me (inside)
~he must lead me in my growth
~he must love God more than me (for sure!!! )
~he must have strong relationship with God
~if can, i prefer he do ministry..no matter what ministry =))
~he must be someone i admire n can respect,
so i can follow him securely.

Emotionally,
~he have to be stable in his emotions
~i prefer someone who is not so emo
~prefer someone who is more sensible and thoughtful
~prefer someone who is not sensitive and have a Big-hearted

Others,
i prefer...
~adventurous than romantic type
~not too introvert n strong inside
~handy person
( know how to do something i don't really good at -cooking =))
~family-orientated person (loves kids)
~Big-Hearted, generous, not too serious
~somebody who is willing to tell me his lil lil stories
~n a good listener n advisor or reminder
~someone can inspired n impressed me...so i can follow..
~has sense of direction in his future =)))
~n someone who know how to play ACOUSTIC GUITAR n teach me how to play =))
coz i love it so much so much!!!

That's all, most importantly (which is a MUST), He is a christian man who loves God n family n can lead me in my growth or make me grow n not stay in stagnant. I don't want somebody who please me but point out my mistake to make me improve n grow in meanwhile. If there is one like i said, i reckon that he is beautiful n so beautiful in whatever he does or is doing...i will be impressed n inspired =))) REALLY!!!! i can actually for go the physical part but spiritual n emotional do take a significant role.....

After the sharings, what i learnt is to set an ideal spouse who i can give my heart to. It's because everyone's heart is fragile, once it's broken, it need so much time to be mended. n Hope towards love have to be roused again. He might not fulfill all preferences i desire, yet, at least he has to be close to them. Jiejiesss said '' so u won't easily fall for friends around you!!! keep n guide ur heart carefully...u still young =))) n if u meet someone who is willing to let u step into his life or vice versa n can make u grow spiritually n emotionally, he might be the one as he closes to what u want but the attraction is vital as well...then try to work it out =)) If no attraction but fulfill all ur desire....that's still no point...But, afterall, God will prepare the BEST ONE for u coz He knows you the best!!! ''

A good sharing n lesson =)) i love you all =)) Thank you!!!

An indefinite one!!!

Christmas past....a new year coming....
what i do in this Christmas??
I didn't do any ministry to serve God this year...
I didn't share the gospel of The Greatest One had bornt on this very special day...
I didn't do much praying for ppl....
yea...i really didn't do that much as previous year during christmas...

This year...2009
is a year which twisted 360 degree of my life....
i left home to nz to continue my tertiary studies...hmm...
it had been so tough for me to left home, esp an dependent grl like me....
But, yea...i managed to go that far...n yea...so far now =))
It's already more than half a year....
but btwn this period, God changed me lots...
from heartbroken relationship, daddy's ill, reality vs friends,
till how God love me by placing different ppl in my life...
from a girl who jz love to pretend, to be hypocrite...
till someone who only laugh n smile for everything happens in her life...
from demanding, sensitive, pessimistic characteristics...
till someone who appreciate n cherish everything with smile....
This is how much i had changed till now...

So, this year christmas to me is simple but lovely...
simple in the way we celebrated it....
lovely becoz christmas is all about LOVE to me....
i never ever sang a christmas carol till my tears fall...
i never ever surrender to God in every christmas....
Yet, i cried this year...in church...
when i was singing '' o holy night''...
i cried...i shouted out to God from the deepest core of my heart...
''I love you God...i don't know how wonderful it will be...but i thank you for the day You gave....i thank you for the love You gave....i thank you for the greatest gift You gave...nothing is more significant than that...nothing...''

hmm..really...
i had a very simple christmas this year..
no carolling, no santa claus, no clown, no grand celebration, no countdown...
but It's jz all about Love....
boost the Love n Unity of a family in christ....
Thank you for the day....
the great dinner i never ever had....
the great time You let the left dunn-ites to build up a relationship for YOU...
the great moment You let me found out my truth self....
the great period You let me to be refreshed n repented for what i had done in my own ways but not Yours...

I really don't know what a journey will it be the year upon...
uncertainity of future pretty much like an endless nightmare....
But, i believe You will lead my way...to the path that suit me..n u WANT me...
Thanks for hold me tight in this twisted year....
Thanks for never ever failed Love You gave..
Thanks for coming into my life....

next year journey, my future, n everything i surrender n commit to You...
Christmas....is not about how Great the celebration is...is all about How great the Love The Above One gave...

Christmas is jz all about You!!!

Pretty Much??

Hmm....got lots n lots of thoughts nowadays esp when 2010 coming closer n nearer each day...
Do you ever have something you really really don't wanna to face it??
Do you ever meet the situation which will pretty much get ur future fix??
Do you ever feel that faith is lesser when there are more ppl get it??

i pretty much feel like my faith is getting lesser n lesser each day...
i pretty much ensure that the ''weird & creepy'' feelings embrace my whole mind now...
i jz pretty much feel insecure in some ways..somethings...
n j pretty much worry about what will be coming next.....

wondering what type of journey it will be??
all HURTS?? all BENEFITS?? all FIGHTS?? all PAINS?? all HYPOCRISY??
i don't know...i really don't.....
what i know is jz...i pretty much lack of FAITH IN MY FUTURE =(((
Hmm...dentistry is jz so tough to get into....yet, i will still try my very BEST to ace it...
God always has a plan.....an eternal plan which never gonna to fail my life...
n this is what i hold strong for now, always n the days which gonna to come soon!!!

Woots...Woots!!!

Ohhh....they made it for You, my lord!!!
n i hope i will make it for You as well in the year which come upon..
ohh...What's a great christmas present is it...
n I wish i can have the same one next year as well...

Wootss....Wootss...
sebs got med, like a miracle for inters...
carol got den, she thanks God for all...
Joel waiting list for den...we praying for him...
Ezra, i think he got den as well......wootss!!!

N now heaps n heaps of ques are popping out of my mind.....
''How could they make it??''
''How am i gonna to make it??''
''Can i get into what i want to??''
''Can i use the ways which may glorify God to make it ??''
''Can ppl put off the selfishness n helping each others??''
''Can ppl tear down the mask they r wearing??''
''Can the ''love'' You commanded to be shown among peers??''
''Can i see the door You prepare for me one day??''
''Can i make it for You?? n jz for You alone, bt not for me??''
''Can i persevere till the end strong??''

I wonder why, i wonder how, i wonder what am i going to do......soon n very soon....

i discovered that...
The course ppl want to get into jz like ''1 million''....
some will fight for it without humanities,
some will fight for it within the commandments of The Big Papa Above,
some will only live for the ''1 million'' n loss All which much more worthy,
some will live for Him n they get more than ''1 million'' of course....

Thus, who u wanna to be?? who r u going to live for?? Him?? or for yourself??

To me...i will like to live for Him, n opt for the eternal life rather than the ''1 million''.......
ppl may earn the whole world, without humanities, the whole world is jz worthless!!!!

so, yea....i will work n strive for Him, n jz Him in the year upon....
i know it will be really really tough for me...coz i know my ability....
but yea...i have Him!!! My Big Papa Above, nothing is impossible!!!
jz swung in the saddle n RUSH N GO!!! =)))

Parapum,pum,pum,pum !!!! (part 1)

okay, i had a really really enjoyable n wonderful weekends - lovely family outing on sat & wet xmas picnic on sun evening.....It was jz WOOOOhooooossss!!!! shiok sangat =))

Let's talk about the lovely family outing first.....


Hmm, i am blessed so much by God who had placed two cousins by myside in such a quiet & considering boring place ( dunners, nz). Yet, in the midst of quietness n boredom, all of us need companions of course. That's why i am blessed with both of them by side =)) Thank my dear God....N definitely i cling on God more n more each day =))

To cut the story short.....

sat morning, i attended Ying's graduation ( kudos to Ying).......i jz know Ying for few weeks act but she adores me la!!! We chatted about normal stuffs n daily chores....yea....she is really good to me...give me lots of advices n some hubs books tho....love her much =))

okay....then, i had an extremely wonderful outing with family (cousins). We went ice-skating, slow walking on beach, shop in asian grocery n had a fantastic dinner in KuangZhou......hehehe...

Well, i did quite noob in ice-skating yea.....almost GG!!! But, i learnt that ''everytime when u fell down, u need to stand up n don't expect ppl will help u to stand up if u don't ever want to try to stand up by urself!!!'' Yea, my butt is damn painful lah =)) n right palm bleeding!!! But, i am strong u see *wink wink =))

Then, beach...OHHH...beach...U are jz so beautiful n attractive =)) It's jz show me how great is God's work n creation....how amazing is it!!! n I jz so impressed by Him....how great He is =)) How wonderful He is....i love you endlessly my Big Papa Above =D

n Shopping in asian grocery shop highlighted us as a group of hungry monkeys who had been starving for months!!! HAHA =)) wels, we did miss asian esp, msian food lah =)) We bought frozen ''Tou sha pau'' n dried gingkos for dessert as well....n lots of snacks....KEKEKE...kk, here came our savory dinner.....weeee....we had ''shui zhu fish'', claypot salted fish with eggplants, stirfry ventures with onions....n etc....all so YUMSSS!!! Thumbs up =)))

The next part....be prepared to hear it if u willing =))) Thank you xoxo

nearer, fear clearer....

I am so emo nowadays....i wonder why....ahem??
There is no peace in my heart ( like wave, up n down)
yea, i felt guilty and dissappointed with myself...
I am simply jz a rotten apple....
why?? why nigel, you still work so hard to teach us...
even your last lec in 2009...you never ever give up...
never ever give up on me....
yet, i kinda give up myself...i am lacking of faith n hopes....
U jz did so many things to make us to gear up...
from the normal lec notes to the supersize organic chem notes,
everyday u remind, test and encourage us...
to memorize, to learn those complicated names...
However, we all make u down everyday...such a disappoinment...
Thanks for every effort u give...

i was so touched today,
by my chem tutor, nigel,
he did so much for us....
yet, we never ever appreciate...
i am jz a rotten apple yet u never give up....
why i still can't stand up?? WHY??

L said ''don't ever look down urself!!!''
jz a experience...learnt it as a lesson..
flunked in papers is nothing to ashamed of...
grl, don't over protect urself n make urself bitter...
never ever tasted sweet albeit ur smile does..
believe ppl who care u although u had being dropped several times,
Stand up n continue the race!!!
Sometimes it bring pains, worries, hardships,disappointments,
Yet, you are growing owing to those.....
you are becoming a godly grl with strong faith...
leave all the burdens n worries to Him...
You know His promise never fails..

Yea, jz bear with me,
i am kinda emo nowadays,
2009 is gonna end n..
2010 is coming so soon...
grl, u gonna stand up, don't lose FAITH!!!
STAY STRONG FOR THE YEAR UPON US...
U HAVE TO BE STRONG TO FINISH IT!!!
I'll be there for you....Don't worry!!! =))

p/s CHEER UP!!! HANG ON!! U will be alright okay =))))

rousing, reckoning, realizing......

Overflown thoughts flash through my mind nowadays,
i wonder why, i wonder how, i jz wondering everyday,

indeed, tears fall, wipe away the smiley chin i used to have,

perhaps, resentment becomes bitterness fills the gap.

Too many excuses n blamings without realizing i gave,

numb to those encouraging words albeit u tried hard,

bitter than a bitter gourd, never ever tasted sweet,

i suspect, i unbelieve, i jz want to protect everyday,

Things in heart weigh upon the spirit n soul,

alttitude goes wrong when despair exist,

where the positive alttitude goes when trustworthy lost,

u bet i will say '' I don't know, i don't know!!''

The rousings, scoldings n remindings never ends,

Yet, i still remain the same, crumble in a day,

U said '' STAND UP!! u gonna look forward n live on.''

''Okay'', ''Yealo'' are my responds n replies....bummer??

me is me, the special one, u praised,

Yet, heart surrounds by bitterness,

inside awful than outside,

hypocrisy never leave ur face....u wonder why?

u don't understand, i said, pls don't comment,

u never ever being dropped easily,
u never ever worry for meals every night,

u never ever neither care nor love ppl,

yet, ur every single words hit my heart....

Only heaps of thankies i can repay,

looks at the bright sight, u said,

Cry because it's over,

Smile because u learnt....

every single person is fascinating......

There will be time she will have to be brave, even if she feel she can't be,

Sometimes she needs to rest after a long distance walk.......

Afterall, she will swung herself into the saddle, finish the race strong =)))

The first grad i had attended!!! an inspired one!!!

See, she is Jen with flowersn her gown of course!!! =))

YEA!!! Today, 12th the 12 (a.k.a 12th dec 09), i attended Jen's, martin's, Han's n Annet's graduation!!! It's a great one indeed!! and it reallly inspire me lots!!

When i reached there, everyone was happily gathered in front of den school for the parade. HAHA....i was so amazed by lots n lots of asians. WOW....there were almost half of the total is asians!!! Then, i was wondering the gown they were wearing with a piece of different colours silk cloth ( i don't know how to describe act.) So, i asked melia bout the colours, she told me that :

med-light purple, den-dark purple, gold-applied science, green-physio, blue-commence, pink-arts, violet-den tech and etc. I love the light purple n the darker ones.....haha!!! Then, i realized that there were lots n lots of docs n dentists standing around me.....so happy!!! They looked so nice, pretty n handsome as well =))

Now, is the time fthe parade began although there were thiny lil drops of rain accompanied us!!! i really really love the parade. Those graduates were holding bouquets of flower, wearing the four-sided graduate hat, walking in heels n leather shoes with the heaps of blessings from families n peers of course!!! WOW....i really really FALL IN LOVE with it!!! =)) is so wonderful!!!

Congratz to Jen (applied sci), Martin (med-doc!!!), Hans ( physio) and Annet ( den!!)!!!! You guys look really really great!!! eee...i wanna to go to andrew's n eugene's on Wed!!! can't wait la!!!

From the first grad i attended in my life, i got lots of inspirations n encouragements!!! n I really really grateful to someone who encourage me a lots with God's word. Hey, you are not that introvert!!! You really can talk..n talk even more than me!! Thank you for him as he keeps on reminding me to stay POSITIVE!!! He knows i am a really bitter grl although i looks cheerful from outside. Yet, he looks into inside ( the internal part of me). Yea, i know it's so hard to accept or to encourage someone who easily depressed or always live in despair. Yet, u jz don't care what ppl think of me. You jz give all the advices each day when i said something which is so NEGATIVE!!

You said '' if you live in despair means u never ever want God to enter ur life n heart to help n lead you. You are jz burdening yourself. Although u knows crying or blaming or ''sighs'' are so pointless to a situation happened, yet there is still no peace in your heart coz you didn't want to hold on Hope, Faith n Love. You said u r fear, so u lose all the hopes n confidences. Yet, why don't u try to think POSITIVELY!!!! STAND UP after u failed, THINK POSITIVELY although u may fail, DO WHAT U CAN DO n don't bother what ppl told u!!! When u believe there is hope, faith, hope n love, u r letting God leading ur way!! =))''

At the moment, i stunned by what u told me. My eyes was blinking at you. n I realized that u had talked to me for 2 hrs. n I was silent in those hrs. WOW!!!! Thank you dude!! for sharing ur testimonials. for telling me little little things to cheer me up =))) Thanks!! Jane appreciates a lots!!! =))

Your favourite quote ''the right alttitudes make its own luck''. So, i will hold on the right n positive alttitudes to accomplish all the missions, to breakthrough all he hardships, to live for Him and glorify His Name!!! =)))

p/s : after the last tear drop there is love!!! Believe me....love from genuine peers always appear n approach to you when u need them!!! =)) So, thanks for sharing, thanks for encouraging, thanks for rousing, thanks for looking inside but not outside =D n we will strive hard sama-sama to get into DEN!!! remember the promise =))) Jiayou, we can!!!

irealizedthatiamsolousy!!!

More than a nice melody,
More than the sweetest of word's,
This is love i have found,
and with this love i am found.

I just want you jesus, i just want you my lord,
I just want you jeses, i just want you.

Never could i comprehend,
The love you so freely give,
Never could i be with you,
But you love covers all of my sin.

I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus i just want you.

There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's god.

There is no greater love than your's,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if i search all the world i will never find a love like your's.

I just want you jesus,
I just want you my lord,
I just want you jesus,
I just want you,
Jesus!!!
(album: deeper, planetshakers)


Listening to this song almost 30 times today in lib albeit i failed to download it.....sigh=(((
In this solitude with only God n me in a quiet corner of lib today, i realized...........

p/s i am so weak so weak today. Body is weak, Soul is weak and mind is even weaker....jz not alright today!!! Felt there is something lost...i did terribly in something....Sorry Lord, i failed to glorify Your Name nowadays no matter in what i say n do....i felt so sorry....Heart is full of guiltiness and fear. I felt guilty....can't able to do somethings which can make daddy mummy proud of but did somethings which probably will make them disappointed with me!!!

AHHHHHH.........tears dropping so naturally without any strong holding back...........
can i have ''Less me More You'' in my life??
I just want You, Jesus!!!

tear down the wall of my heart =))

well, we (melia, ying, ben, andrew, jen, calvin) bought a 6 feet tall greenish christmas tree and a box of red n gold glitter ornaments which have different shapes and patterns ( gold sparkle stars, red bell without linglong (which ying complained!!!), lil red flowers n ribbons, decorations which is used to twine around the tree ( somethings looked like a pile of gold reddish grass-melia said), n all the 3 sizes balls!!! Well, we were excited when we got those xmas stuffs from warehouse after lunch n church service....HAHA =))

Then, we had our decoration moments in jen's flat at night. HEHEHE....It's was real fun!! we took heaps of photos. In meanwhile, Ben opened some christmas song to enrich the christmas atmosphere. Hmmm...some weird beats xmas songs do sound creepy!!! So, we decided to sing those cute n merry songs like Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer and cute version of we wish u a merry xmas. HAHA....couldn't able to forget how calvin sang the Rudolph's one...was so funny!!! He sang '' rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, has a very shiny nose (like a light bulb)!!!'' He jz love to add those funny decos at the end of the lyric!! But, it did make us laugh out loud (LOLS)!!!

Hmm, then, we had a very lovely movie from sg '' The wedding Game'' if i was not mistakened la!!! Hmmm, it's a very funny mvie. We laughed n laughed most of the time. At the same time, we also gave out lots of opinions as well. HAHAHA....n we had chicken popcorns n wedges for the night....kudos to Jen!! HAHA....then we had the last shot with our micro optic fibre xmas tree which is full of colourful n attractive lights!! Woooohoooo....it's damn nice!!! really...coz we paid hardworks on it!! =)) From steps to steps :

1) opened the huge box
2) took out the folded christmas tree
3) opened up the folded leaves
4) put on our first ornament together (red bell without linglong)
5) then put on the other ornaments to deco it =))
6) set up the cable n fix a plc to put the tree by arranging the sofa again n again (hard chores)
7) hmm...it's the time to LIT it up!!!
8) WOW.....it's so beautiful with colourful lights...
9) admiring n taking photos in the dark with xmas songs on!!

Hmm.....i felt loved on that night. To be honest, i didn't know them very well. But, but, i willing to tear down the wall of my heart= not to be scared of ppl anymore n let ppl into my life n heart!!!
Frankly speaking, it's no easy to tear down the thick layer of the wall we set or build for a long time. yea..initially, i did feel being left out. So, i started to blame ppl....blame my poor english....blame my lousy communication skills....blame my foolish coolness....blame my hypocrite look....blame every single lil weaknesses i have!!!

Yet, i told you it's jz useless of how much u blame. You are jz looking yourself down but not others!! IS YOU yourself build the wall so high which make ppl hard to jump over albeit they wish to or they are willing to. So, i prayed with tears to God. Asking why i was being ignored or left out by ppl?? Asking why i can't get along with them. Asking why ignorance doesn't feel good?? Asking why solitude sometimes hurts??

I got the answer after a few days. I heard God said '' my girl....Go ahead to experience life with ppl out there which u envy so much.....put down the mask......tear down the wall.....n jz BE YOUR REAL SELF!!! '' Yea.....so......i tried to put down my hypocrite character and start to communicate with ppl...hmm...that's sweet when ppl replied u n laugh together. I felt warmed in this zombie town!! THANKS FOR ALL =)))

I jz wanna to say thanks to ppl who accepted me as their friends. Well, i am speaking to someone life now....hope him stop to be introvert!!! yea....he is a good friend of mine....He teaches me how to make coffee n lots of investments things. He told me ''' hey i can't imagine i am chatting craps with you for 3 day a row!!! You are the first one who can able to make me talk so much n tease you!! Thank you!! my guinea pig =))'' Well, i felt being appreciated at that moment. I felt i am growing each day in every single moments. Thanks as well dude!!! love the purity of friendship with teases, encouragements, motivations, reminders, rouses, comforts, pamper and lots!!!

I hope there will be more n more in the coming days , weeks , months n years of course!!!
Hey dear dor, luke carson n mich (if u come back) let's us strive hard together hands in hands walk into the den school in year 2011 =))) God bless us!! let's pray bout it =D