let it go....

Hmm.....i supposed to accomplish my seminar presentation by tonight....but, i did blogging again...

Today, i realized everything had changed even human's heart....
Finally, i realized that relationship is jz a need....a need of we both yet it's not love tho....
I didn't have disappointments after finishing the ''Hi-Bye'' process...i jz felt so relieved coz i did it!!!

LET IT GO...
something which is not mine n yours,
something which is jz a need n comfort,
something which is all in the rush,
something which sincerity is fake,

LET IT GO...
something which we did wrong..
something which cause hurts....
something which is no return paid...
something which is impossible...

previously, i thought ''let it go'' is jz a phrase which is extremely hard to turn it to action, yet, experience is the best teacher to teach us the way we should do to stop ourselves from suffering. What a relief ?! ''LET IT GO'' is jz need a heart with willingness and forgiveness...once you decided to let go, u must have a fixed heart. To have a fixed heart means to have our mind made up so that we are not going to change it.

A steadfast heart....
everything changed....
you n her or the 'she'....
not my matters anymore...
perhaps a ''Hi-Bye'' is a surplus...
yet ''friendly'' is my nature...
if felt annoying...jz ignored....
i can able to take it...
as i already did my part as a friend...

A steadfast heart....
i jz want to be determined...
stay positive and happy...
walk in the peace of God...

''sometimes, what i need is jz a listening ears which can bear my grumbling esp when the moment ''i am not alright''........n that's all....''

rolling my tiring eyes...listening to the songs....and it's time to continue my assignment....hmmm....GO!! gO!! Go!!!

Who will u fight for?? n who will fight for u after all??

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all

Chorus:
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for

I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for

p/s : Is love worth to fight for?? then who will u fight for?? n who will fight for u after all??

my ans : Only Him ---The Above One

没感情

如果人是没感情的动物，那会不会过得更好呢？
因为没感情，所以不懂受伤的感觉，
因为没感情，所以不懂想念的心情，
因为没感情，所以不懂爱人的滋味，
因为没感情，所以不懂被爱的美好，
因为没感情，所以不懂关心的重要，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人担心，
因为没感情，所以不会为他人哭泣，
因会没感情，所以不懂什么是幸福，

没感情，让人心疼，同时，让人觉得可怕。。。。

haha...my musing....what if a person who is without feelings?? how he/she going to live normally?? hmmm...i wonder...is creepy though!!! But, to me, everyone is trying so hard to hide n keep their feelings n relationship coz they don't want ppl who care about them to worry..are we keep on growing to be strong each day?? or we had already grown so much??

No matter what happened.....we jz choose to be brave instead of weak....aren't we growing???

p/s : i miss him....but i know he want me to be brave.....

swallow...

blog ah blog....
i know you are the only one willing to hear my grumbling!!!
n now u are the on who are free to hear....

i don't know why my tears jz keep on falling....it's jz like waterfall...non-stopping...
sigh....seminar presentation is coming so soon....i didn't really prepare well....n i have no confidence at all...or it can be said that i don't have any mood to either study or prepare it well....jz randomly let the time flies and i even hope the time passes faster n faster each day...

me...escaping?? avoiding?? scare of?? fear of?? masked myself?? poker face?? too emo n drama?? i can't even really figure out my feelings or mood now!!! It can be described with jz a word ''NUMB''.....
i jz unable to feel anything.....jz numb towards everyday life....how come i become like this??
my life was already so dramatic.....why it couldn't be simple a lil bit?? as simple always goes good!!

hmmm......challenges, expectations, fear, and discourage bring me down!!! yea....undeniably, i am someone who loves to grumble and GRUMBLE!!! But, it's so hard to have someone who i can really grumble with except God!!! He is the healer of everything....n He will walk me through fire...

Well, i don't know why i jz swallow everything that i wanna to speak out.....can't really be honest to ppl n myself...so can't be happy....so there comes a Poker Face!!!

A shoutout : ''AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.......I AM SO TIRED!!! God, give me a way to follow
you, give me miracles, give me courage, give me expectations that will never fails,
shoo away my tears, shoo away disappointments, shoo away everything that's not
belong to me!!! God, if is not belong to me, jz pls don't show me.......God, thank you
everything....and sorry....''

i'm not alright!! jz broken inside.......broken inside.........

is jz so down....

today i am jz so down....can't even give ppl a proper smile....can't even give myself a happy face...
hmmm...after schooling, i went to my flat next year to have a look of my bed and discuss things bout flat account. Sigh...i realized that i have to stay alone and is all alone in a house for a month. How sad??How disappointed?? How am i going to live through everyday?? hmm....it's scary!!!

I felt like crying.....coz i really don't know how to live without ppl staying with me....how tough it will be?? i don't want to neither think nor imagine. It will make me feel worst though...n is so worst. Tears drop....n it's jz drop due to my fear n timidness. I realized that i need to contact the landlord myself to ask for permission to stay on Jan next year and get the key of course. n I have to call the power company to allow the electricity to run during the whole month as well as the internet. n Then, i need to do flat account with kim n learn to use internet banking n trademe to get all my stuff for flat next year. sighhhhhh.....is jz too complicated!!!

hmmm...i find it so hard to tell mummy n daddy coz they will be super worried u see...is jz too sigh...how am i going to open my mouth to tell?? how ?? it's so hard as they will be really really worried. In order not to let them worry, i can only bear through the whole month. i am wondering '' how much i have to grow within that month?? can i stand it?? or i will jz collasped?''
Can somebody tell me how am i going to live through that month?? DON'T TELL ME TO BE STRONG!!! as i know i am not!!!

'' Where are You now that i am crying again?? Where are You now that i hurting?? where are You now that i need You my friend?? Where are You now that i searching?? Why do You seemed to be so far away?? Why is it always crying?? Why am i trying to hiding?? When will it be the way that you dream?? How should i firm in the meantime?? When will my faith be above n no war?? When will i not have to hold anymore?? ''

I am broken.....hope see......failure......tell me.....answer....but i don't understand!!!
You said your mans are broken hearts too, You said your love can arrive.
I am tired of this!!!

God.....pls come to me.....i know You will carry me thourgh the fire!!!!

I am broken....

只是想。。。

谁说我不害怕?
我害怕了，真的。。。
害怕上英文，
害怕找不到资料，
害怕没准备好，
害怕我不会做，
害怕做不好，
害怕一间家只有自己，
害怕一个人时想起你，
害怕失去所以不期望，
害怕跟你说多你不理，
害怕我并没有那么坚强，
害怕自己不小心哭泣，
害怕脸上失去笑容，
害怕受伤所以不想爱，
害怕太过明感你离开，
害怕，全都害怕，

所以能多坚强就多坚强，
能多勇敢就多勇敢，
能笑多久就笑多久，

但现在的自己就只是想哭泣。。。。

'' u jz know how depressed and in distress ppl around u r, n u jz know i should be happy instead of depressed....u will comfort ppl around u who is in distress but u will never ever bother me when i am the one who is in distress...n i jz know that u will leave me or not even want to bother me when i am emo....coz u said ''being emotional will draw ppl around u away...so do you!! '' hmm....so....see....r u satisfied now with who i am?? a happy n strong girl who will never ever cry ?? do u really think that u can control ppl emotion by jz say so?? do you have the right to do so?? do you ever be considerate enough to think for ppl in her/his position?? isn't he / she want to be emotional?? or they are really frustrated with somethings?? or they jz feel discouraged due to certain reasons??

'' i am avoiding hope to protect myself against being hurt.....is not the right action i know, yet at least i can feel better.....n u will never ever understand!!!''

Pick It Up...Pick him up.....

I was listening to my sis cousin conversation with her friend about the flat to stay next year. To cut the story short, Lastly, they both decided to rent a 6 rooms flat to stay. Her friend knows my bro cousin, oscar well though as we all are from the same state of msia, Johor. Hmmmm...However, due to his hatred towards my bro cousin, he doesn't even mention to stay with him next year as he knows my bro cousin is finding flat for next year u see...i was so angry but i did keep quiet and calm.....but the monster inside was frustrating and burning with anger....yet, i controlled my irritability finally as i heard a calling from God ''JANE, CONTROL IT!!! JZ BEAR....WILL BE FINE...OKAY??''

Then, when i was surfing internet, accidentally i wished so much to listen to Planetshaker songs. I chose a song which on titled ''Pick It Up'' as these 3 words hit my heart strongly as if God wanted me to know sometime or a message. Hmm....yea....last but not the least, i knew what God was trying to hint me......''Pick Him Up my girl!!!''

Him=my bro cousin, oscar, he is someone who is not that bad actually, jz naughty, want attentions from ppl and stubborn sometimes as i think maybe he lacks of insecurity and some love from peers as no ones willing to approach to him, not even will lend him a hand when problems come. It's so sad to hear about it as ignorance is not a bliss yet maybe hostility!!!

To me, i adore n love him. I was struggling whether to help or not to as some conflicts did happen btwn us previously. However, i decided to help and try my very best to help as he is the only bro cousin i have here and i am the only blood-related relative here. ''If even me give up on him, who else will be approachable enough to go near to him to either care for him or help him ?? WHO?? '' As God will not give up anyone of us even the beggar on the roadside, why don't human being just give him a chance to be alived ???

Pick him up from the darkness and evil with God's strenght and mercy. By god's grace, i hope i can make it. Don't step aside from him, go into the world of the rotten apples as they will have their uses....don't they?? Give him a chance to become a better one.....believe him as support....care about him by speaking to his life....don't close the doors for him as you dont have the right to do so!!!

''An ugly caterpillar will turn into a colourful butterfly one day if you don't kill it and give it a chance to be alived....so does a rotten apple!!!''