is jz so down....

today i am jz so down....can't even give ppl a proper smile....can't even give myself a happy face...
hmmm...after schooling, i went to my flat next year to have a look of my bed and discuss things bout flat account. Sigh...i realized that i have to stay alone and is all alone in a house for a month. How sad??How disappointed?? How am i going to live through everyday?? hmm....it's scary!!!

I felt like crying.....coz i really don't know how to live without ppl staying with me....how tough it will be?? i don't want to neither think nor imagine. It will make me feel worst though...n is so worst. Tears drop....n it's jz drop due to my fear n timidness. I realized that i need to contact the landlord myself to ask for permission to stay on Jan next year and get the key of course. n I have to call the power company to allow the electricity to run during the whole month as well as the internet. n Then, i need to do flat account with kim n learn to use internet banking n trademe to get all my stuff for flat next year. sighhhhhh.....is jz too complicated!!!

hmmm...i find it so hard to tell mummy n daddy coz they will be super worried u see...is jz too sigh...how am i going to open my mouth to tell?? how ?? it's so hard as they will be really really worried. In order not to let them worry, i can only bear through the whole month. i am wondering '' how much i have to grow within that month?? can i stand it?? or i will jz collasped?''
Can somebody tell me how am i going to live through that month?? DON'T TELL ME TO BE STRONG!!! as i know i am not!!!

'' Where are You now that i am crying again?? Where are You now that i hurting?? where are You now that i need You my friend?? Where are You now that i searching?? Why do You seemed to be so far away?? Why is it always crying?? Why am i trying to hiding?? When will it be the way that you dream?? How should i firm in the meantime?? When will my faith be above n no war?? When will i not have to hold anymore?? ''

I am broken.....hope see......failure......tell me.....answer....but i don't understand!!!
You said your mans are broken hearts too, You said your love can arrive.
I am tired of this!!!

God.....pls come to me.....i know You will carry me thourgh the fire!!!!

I am broken....