Every flower must grow through dirt.....

I want to share 3 songs which inspire n encourage me lots these days...

1st-- Note To God by charice ( which Joan posted on fb yesterday, n i was so touched by this song till i kept on humming it in school today. This song seems like a prayer i utter to God always since everything changed n went wrong on the road i am walking. Every morning n night, i always jot a small note to God, asking Him to strengthen me the whole day n appreciate that i have one more day to be alived. When i stand at the end of the road, his tenderness always reach out to me through the care which is given by family n peers. Somethings in life never have a clue, somethings in life we can't do by our own, Yet, once u submit everything to God, things will work out in a special way that u never ever thought of =))




2nd--Potter's hand by hillsongs
i don't why i love this song so much n yea this song is meaningful. I am in a potter's hand who mould me, shape me, change me and crafted me into Your plan since You decided to send me here n away from my comfort zone. Eventually, i still choose to give all of my life to Your hands no matter how tough the journey will going to be. Here, pls assure me that You will hold me, guide me, lead me and walk beside me in this tough journey. I believe in my potter's hand it will be a promising journey n year =))





3rd--Take my hand and walk by The Kry (which i knew from jen's blog)

This song inspire me heaps after every experience n hardship which i had walked through in my growth. Don't live in the past cause yesterday's gone, wishing memories would last coz i'm afraid to carry on. I don't know what's comin' but I know the one who holds tomorrow. This song is like someone who is talking face to face with me, remind me that there always has Someone who take my hand and walk with me....awwww...i love this song =))) ( wish to have a duet of this song with my future life partner in our wedding day) HAHAHA...will be sweet n meaningful coz we take each other hands n walk in God's blessing n path to pursue the happiness =))






Here comes the lyrics of the last song =)))

I know there are times
your dreams turn to dust
you wonder as you cry
why it has to hurt so much
give Me all your sadness
someday you will know the reason why
with a child-like heart
simply put your trust in Me
CHORUS:Take My hand and walk where I lead
keep your eyes on Me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're scared of the unknown
take My hand and walk

Don't live in the past
cause yesterday's gone
wishing memories would last
you're afraid to carry on
you don't know what's comin'
but you know the one who holds tomorrow
I will be your guide
take you through the night
if you keep your eyes on Me
Take my hand and walk where I lead
Keep your eyes on me alone
don't you say why were the old days better
just because you're afraid of the unknown
take my hand and walk where I lead
you will never be alone
faith is to be sure of what you hope for
and the evidence of things unseen
so take my hand and walk
Just like a childholdings daddy's hand
don't let go of mineyou know you can't stand
on your own
(repeat chorus)

Words by Jean-Luc Lajoie and Yves Lajoie
Music by Jean-Luc Lajoie

like a porcupine

after the last smile,
after they left,
my tears fall,
they jz keep on falling without brake,
i felt like crumble in these days,
physically n mentally totally broke down....
n i had a research essay to pass up on the 5th..
but, i had never started yet..
helpless....jz so faze n fearful...
i wonder how am i gonna to submit it....sigh..

flatting by myself,
isn't that easy,
i don't know how to open n use the electric stove,
i used two days to clean the whole house,
from sweeping, vacuuming, wiping the kitchen, washing plates n cups,washing the toilet, cleaning my room, arranging my stuffs, fixing the bookshelf (it's really tough), buying groceries from supermarket, washing all the bedlinens n clothes n etc...
i was crumbled after those cleaning tasks....
ohhh...mummy!!! where r u??
i cried to myself n only myself...
i lied to mum n dad ''i'm okay although all by myself''...
i smiled in front of peers, cousins n family...
i never ever dare to ask for help (unless i really can't do it)
i never ever complaint or grumble to others...
i jz hiding all my internal fears n matters precisely n carefully....
coz i don't know who are going to listen to me??
who can i tell?? or who care??
Only HIM, The big papa up there...
n this faithful blog...

2009,
i had been tried so hard to step into ppl life....
i had been learnt so hard to practice their cultures n languages (i don't good at eng)
n the ways they speak n chat n of course their interests..
i had been in masked face for so long time..
i had been expecting too much from ppl n lastly came to only disappointments...
i had been done my best to greet my good friends in my hometown but no one will greet me instead, not even a simple ''how are u?''.....
i had been learnt to be independent n mature in whatever i do...
i had been trying my best to please everyone..n to hang out..

Yet,
who's willing to step into my life??
who's willing to understand the real me??
who's willing to jz ''say hello'' to me from hometown n not forsake me??
who's willing to support me n hear from me??
who's willing to make me grow in everything??

I don't know...i really don't...
i don't have the security i used to have....
i don't have the trust to ppl who may be hurted me one day...
i don't have the faith in whatever i do although i really want to do it well...
i don't have the hope in almost everything....

I am like a porcupine...
full of sharp thorns...
to protect, to fight, to cover up...
only left a little bit pride...
after casting off the gorgeous look...
loneliness n helplessness, aren't they pathetic??
i don't know...

I am like a porcupine...
protect myself by losing trust on ppl..
acts as a hypocrite..
masked with courage...
not easily look through by ppl...
i thought i am strong n is stronger than i think....
yet, i am not...

The firmness of a porcupine is only an illusion or gloss.....so do i..

我承认我没那么坚强，不过是一而再地逞强，小心把情绪收藏，刺猬的坚强全都是假象....哭吧...

Love Came Down....

wooo!!! 2010 now!!!

Time flies......any resolution for this year??

Hmm...i have!!! i want to strive hard in hsfy 2010!!!

It's a really tough journey which like a nightmare that i need to dream for a whole year....

Do i afraid?? Yes, i do. The uncertainity makes me feel insecure....

However, i am learning to be independent now (living in a 6 rooms flat all by myself is the starting point)

I don't know how wonderful or how tough the journey gonna to be, but, i am learning to be grateful in everything You gave. Your love came down to rescue me in every situation n hardship. Your love show me everything will be possible in Your hands as You will never ever let go mine.

Resolution 2010:

1) Love God more n more

2) Love n cherish my family more n more ( miss them!!! =(( )

3) Strive hard in whatever i do n my priority (study) to glorify Your name.

4) become a better grl and friend

5) Learning n keep on growing!!! =))

6) Forget the past, moving on for the future!!!

Thanks for lotsa of love my bros n sisters in christ gave =)) Jane appreciate!!!

miss the time we were playing in playground n countdown in octagon =))) Thanks for the companion you guys gave =)))

I miss Daddy!!!

Cinderella -by steven curtis chapman =))


I miss daddy so much SO MUCH!!!

I miss the times we were watching football games at midnight.

I miss the times we went ''yum cha'' after each piano class i had.

I miss the times you were holding an umbrella n waiting for me to finish school when it was raining.

I miss the times you sent books when i forgot to bring to school.

I miss the times you teached me english n maths.

I miss the times you reached to fetch me within my 5 mins after i called.

I miss the times you brought food for me when i had extra classes.

I miss the times we chatted n talked about craps (school's events, class's gossips, friend's matters, basically everything happened in school =D )

I miss the times you trained me to drink wine (white ones, my favourite) n beers (carlsberg, thumbs up) - we both alcoholics!!!

I miss the times you scold me for not switching off tv n lights.

I miss the times you bought a dozen of chicken essence =((( n made it for me to drink during every exam.

I miss the times you opened air-con, lid up the mossie's coil n opened toliet's door before i sleep =))

I miss the times you knocked on my door to ask me to sleep or take a nap when i was too bz or during exam.

I miss the times we were watching olympic n sports - F1 race '' kimi, go, Go, GO'' , Bad '' aaww, i love Lin Dan la dad, he is awesome!!!''

I miss the times we were eating goreng pisang n cendol by the roadside after tuition.

I miss the times you calm me down when i was crying to you for reasons.

I miss the times we went to have ''Tim Sum'' n your car always kena saman =p

I miss the times we washed cars n do gardening together =))

I miss the times you teached me how to drive buggy n drive for u when u was playing golf with sis =)))

I miss the times when we were playing badminton together.

I miss the times you teached me how to fish n pull the net but i got bitten by the catched fish. =))

I miss the times we went diving together in Pulau Tioman every year since i was 7.

I miss the times you never ever give up on me on my piano when i failed for the first time.

I miss the times you are proud of me in front of ppl n give me compliments =))

I miss the times you smiled when i made u proud =)))

N i miss the times u were talking to me through phone when i m in nz.

I miss you so much daddy. You jz like my guardian angel who were protecting me so well. You made me impressed and inspired most of the times. You gave me a good family with love n without financial problems. You brought the religion to my life. You love me so much n willing to sacrifice your time, money, physical strength n etc for me =)))

Thank you for every single lil things u had done n are doing for me =)) Thanks for letting me become your ''cinderella''.... love you heaps heaps =))

My daddy, is jz someone more than a blood-related person, he is a friend to me, yet, sometimes he is jz more than a friend =)))

Ideal future spouse?? urmm??

Haha...we had grls night 2 days ago, and i am the youngest one among them (something for me to happy for =D ). As most of us are single, so we all decided to talk about what criterias, preferences, and qualities we wish our future spouses to have. Nah, to me, i didn't really think about it before as maybe either i am not mature enough or i don't really have hope to a relationship or romance. Simple saying might be i jz lose expectation, hope n faith in love after a heartbroken one.

When reached my turn to share about ''qualities n criterias of my ideal future spouse'' , i really really don't know how to start with...i jz speechless at that moment....hehe..Then, stella gave me guide to lead me in sharing. She asked me to share from 3 different aspects (physically, spiritually and emotionally) which i wish my ideal spouse has. I was like ''Huh, do i need to say it in details?? '' Without a second, all jiejie stared at me with big eyes and replied ''Yes, of course my lil grl!!!'' HMM...i was shivering man...but still i share =))

Physically,
i didn't really ask for more aye,
~ jz need to be neat!!!
~Pls deal yourself with your dressings,
so i don't need to worry for him. ( That'll be pretty nice =)
~ i prefer small eyes one =))
~ n have a great smile =))
~ somebody i can kiss then better lah!!

Spiritually,
~he must be stronger than me (inside)
~he must lead me in my growth
~he must love God more than me (for sure!!! )
~he must have strong relationship with God
~if can, i prefer he do ministry..no matter what ministry =))
~he must be someone i admire n can respect,
so i can follow him securely.

Emotionally,
~he have to be stable in his emotions
~i prefer someone who is not so emo
~prefer someone who is more sensible and thoughtful
~prefer someone who is not sensitive and have a Big-hearted

Others,
i prefer...
~adventurous than romantic type
~not too introvert n strong inside
~handy person
( know how to do something i don't really good at -cooking =))
~family-orientated person (loves kids)
~Big-Hearted, generous, not too serious
~somebody who is willing to tell me his lil lil stories
~n a good listener n advisor or reminder
~someone can inspired n impressed me...so i can follow..
~has sense of direction in his future =)))
~n someone who know how to play ACOUSTIC GUITAR n teach me how to play =))
coz i love it so much so much!!!

That's all, most importantly (which is a MUST), He is a christian man who loves God n family n can lead me in my growth or make me grow n not stay in stagnant. I don't want somebody who please me but point out my mistake to make me improve n grow in meanwhile. If there is one like i said, i reckon that he is beautiful n so beautiful in whatever he does or is doing...i will be impressed n inspired =))) REALLY!!!! i can actually for go the physical part but spiritual n emotional do take a significant role.....

After the sharings, what i learnt is to set an ideal spouse who i can give my heart to. It's because everyone's heart is fragile, once it's broken, it need so much time to be mended. n Hope towards love have to be roused again. He might not fulfill all preferences i desire, yet, at least he has to be close to them. Jiejiesss said '' so u won't easily fall for friends around you!!! keep n guide ur heart carefully...u still young =))) n if u meet someone who is willing to let u step into his life or vice versa n can make u grow spiritually n emotionally, he might be the one as he closes to what u want but the attraction is vital as well...then try to work it out =)) If no attraction but fulfill all ur desire....that's still no point...But, afterall, God will prepare the BEST ONE for u coz He knows you the best!!! ''

A good sharing n lesson =)) i love you all =)) Thank you!!!

An indefinite one!!!

Christmas past....a new year coming....
what i do in this Christmas??
I didn't do any ministry to serve God this year...
I didn't share the gospel of The Greatest One had bornt on this very special day...
I didn't do much praying for ppl....
yea...i really didn't do that much as previous year during christmas...

This year...2009
is a year which twisted 360 degree of my life....
i left home to nz to continue my tertiary studies...hmm...
it had been so tough for me to left home, esp an dependent grl like me....
But, yea...i managed to go that far...n yea...so far now =))
It's already more than half a year....
but btwn this period, God changed me lots...
from heartbroken relationship, daddy's ill, reality vs friends,
till how God love me by placing different ppl in my life...
from a girl who jz love to pretend, to be hypocrite...
till someone who only laugh n smile for everything happens in her life...
from demanding, sensitive, pessimistic characteristics...
till someone who appreciate n cherish everything with smile....
This is how much i had changed till now...

So, this year christmas to me is simple but lovely...
simple in the way we celebrated it....
lovely becoz christmas is all about LOVE to me....
i never ever sang a christmas carol till my tears fall...
i never ever surrender to God in every christmas....
Yet, i cried this year...in church...
when i was singing '' o holy night''...
i cried...i shouted out to God from the deepest core of my heart...
''I love you God...i don't know how wonderful it will be...but i thank you for the day You gave....i thank you for the love You gave....i thank you for the greatest gift You gave...nothing is more significant than that...nothing...''

hmm..really...
i had a very simple christmas this year..
no carolling, no santa claus, no clown, no grand celebration, no countdown...
but It's jz all about Love....
boost the Love n Unity of a family in christ....
Thank you for the day....
the great dinner i never ever had....
the great time You let the left dunn-ites to build up a relationship for YOU...
the great moment You let me found out my truth self....
the great period You let me to be refreshed n repented for what i had done in my own ways but not Yours...

I really don't know what a journey will it be the year upon...
uncertainity of future pretty much like an endless nightmare....
But, i believe You will lead my way...to the path that suit me..n u WANT me...
Thanks for hold me tight in this twisted year....
Thanks for never ever failed Love You gave..
Thanks for coming into my life....

next year journey, my future, n everything i surrender n commit to You...
Christmas....is not about how Great the celebration is...is all about How great the Love The Above One gave...

Christmas is jz all about You!!!

Pretty Much??

Hmm....got lots n lots of thoughts nowadays esp when 2010 coming closer n nearer each day...
Do you ever have something you really really don't wanna to face it??
Do you ever meet the situation which will pretty much get ur future fix??
Do you ever feel that faith is lesser when there are more ppl get it??

i pretty much feel like my faith is getting lesser n lesser each day...
i pretty much ensure that the ''weird & creepy'' feelings embrace my whole mind now...
i jz pretty much feel insecure in some ways..somethings...
n j pretty much worry about what will be coming next.....

wondering what type of journey it will be??
all HURTS?? all BENEFITS?? all FIGHTS?? all PAINS?? all HYPOCRISY??
i don't know...i really don't.....
what i know is jz...i pretty much lack of FAITH IN MY FUTURE =(((
Hmm...dentistry is jz so tough to get into....yet, i will still try my very BEST to ace it...
God always has a plan.....an eternal plan which never gonna to fail my life...
n this is what i hold strong for now, always n the days which gonna to come soon!!!