Pick It Up...Pick him up.....

I was listening to my sis cousin conversation with her friend about the flat to stay next year. To cut the story short, Lastly, they both decided to rent a 6 rooms flat to stay. Her friend knows my bro cousin, oscar well though as we all are from the same state of msia, Johor. Hmmmm...However, due to his hatred towards my bro cousin, he doesn't even mention to stay with him next year as he knows my bro cousin is finding flat for next year u see...i was so angry but i did keep quiet and calm.....but the monster inside was frustrating and burning with anger....yet, i controlled my irritability finally as i heard a calling from God ''JANE, CONTROL IT!!! JZ BEAR....WILL BE FINE...OKAY??''

Then, when i was surfing internet, accidentally i wished so much to listen to Planetshaker songs. I chose a song which on titled ''Pick It Up'' as these 3 words hit my heart strongly as if God wanted me to know sometime or a message. Hmm....yea....last but not the least, i knew what God was trying to hint me......''Pick Him Up my girl!!!''

Him=my bro cousin, oscar, he is someone who is not that bad actually, jz naughty, want attentions from ppl and stubborn sometimes as i think maybe he lacks of insecurity and some love from peers as no ones willing to approach to him, not even will lend him a hand when problems come. It's so sad to hear about it as ignorance is not a bliss yet maybe hostility!!!

To me, i adore n love him. I was struggling whether to help or not to as some conflicts did happen btwn us previously. However, i decided to help and try my very best to help as he is the only bro cousin i have here and i am the only blood-related relative here. ''If even me give up on him, who else will be approachable enough to go near to him to either care for him or help him ?? WHO?? '' As God will not give up anyone of us even the beggar on the roadside, why don't human being just give him a chance to be alived ???

Pick him up from the darkness and evil with God's strenght and mercy. By god's grace, i hope i can make it. Don't step aside from him, go into the world of the rotten apples as they will have their uses....don't they?? Give him a chance to become a better one.....believe him as support....care about him by speaking to his life....don't close the doors for him as you dont have the right to do so!!!

''An ugly caterpillar will turn into a colourful butterfly one day if you don't kill it and give it a chance to be alived....so does a rotten apple!!!''

only wish....

i dislike this day...

i was all alone today...stayed in foundation computer room till there is nobody as everyone has left..only me in such a big room n big building...Do you ever know how is feel??? Do you ever know how much there is someone else come in although i don't know who is he/she??? Do you ever know i only wish there is someone else accompany me?? Do you?? i am not emo-ing...jz feel lonely...n is too lonely...



Then, while i was walking to library to find ginny jie, wind is too strong...my body was shivering. Out of the sudden, i thought of daddy. No one else will love me more than Him except God. Daddy will always protect me like his only princess. What i asked for always will turn to true...it was jz like a dream, all will jz come true. Thinking back......



~Whenever i asked him to fetch me to anywhere, he will definitely reach home in 5 mins to fetch me go any place i want to..will never ever be late.

~Whenever i asked him to buy me food that i wish so much to eat, he will definitely buy it either on that time or the next day.

~Whenever i fall down, he will definitely carry me and bring me to the doctors.

~Whenever the rains come, he will definitely give me the only umbrella as shade n he got nothing to cover himself.

~Whenever the whether was too cold when we are travelling, he will definitely give me his jacket and told me that ''i am not cold at all''.

~Whenever i cried, he will definitely give me his great support n encouragement.

~Whenever i was fighting with my sis, he will definitely scold my sis but not me as he knows i am always the weak one.

~Whenever i was sleeping, he will definitely come over to my room to lower the air con temperature.

~Before i fall asleep, he will definitely come to my room to put the mosqitoes coil.

~Whenever i sick, he will definitely be the most worrying one.

~Whenever i have exam, he will definitely buy all those herbal which can help me to be more focus and increase my memory box....

~Whenever i dislike something, he will definitely take it away from my sight.

~Whenever what happened one day, he will still definitely by my side n be my support for me to continue to survive everyday.



See......how great is the love daddy is giving to me.....someone who will protect n adore me no matter what happened.....he will never ever walk away from me....will never ever say '' u emo yourself la!!! it is what u choose to be!!!''......will love me more than himself....will put me before himself....will wish me have a happy life....will pray for me every single moment.....will hope someone who can love me more than him to take care of me for the rest of my life....this is what daddy hope to see.....This is his only wish for his little princess who always fall down yet he knows that his princess will climb up after every fall...will be stronger n stronger each day...n this is his only wish!!!!



i only wish there is someone who really care, adore, support and protect me no matter what is happening. However, i really learn a very good lesson today till i almost lost someone who cares me a lots.....n make a lots of troubles to ppl....disappointed ppl somehow.....perhaps i should not ask for more or expecting too high.....hmmm......BE STRONG?? isn't really easy?? say it hundreds or thousands times then can i turn to be a STRONG girl?? or STRONG is only a word??? but is so much more difficult as if in actions??



well, i realized that i am so weak when the wind was attacking me everytime i walk. I am not that strong to face everything....i claimed that i am not emo-ing.....

even a strong tree which has live for almost 100 years will also afraid of the attacking of the strong and chilly wind...don't you think that a girl with weak body will not be afraid of it??
even the strong tree will feel the pain when the wind is attacking its body....don't you think that a girl with weak body n soul will not feel the pain ?? or else isn't she has to smile every moment to mask her depressed face??? isn't that she cannot be her real self?? isn't that when u r real ppl will draw u further away?? i can't understand!!

So, i only wish to find back how passionate that the real jane can be able to live honestly and happily with a genuine smile!!!

believe.....

HAHAHA......LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH!!!
The reason that i love it as this song can totally describe my life now...
i still BELIEVE n Believe there is always beautiful no matter how deep i fall,
every challenge, hurt and hardship are the sources to push me up,
and to build and mould me to someone who can be able to paddle the boat by myself with the strenght of His in the blue ocean there is no end!!!

This song can mainly describe how my life is going on now....
n how much i am growing each day!!!
is a simple song but is a nice n meaningful one indeed!!!

Will try my best to live for the best of today!!! passionately, full of life n enthusiasm, n be real n honest to myself n The Above One!!!

here is the lyric....hehehe

突然觉得我只是一个人 有点孤单浅浅的忧郁 我不知道明天会不会很美丽 虽然今天天很蓝 而云很白 风很凉 今天日记空白没有关系 不必每件事情都在意 不想工作 不想困扰自己 不必刻意想你 该是我的总会来 就算挑战 我不走开 一点点你的微笑 已经让我觉得温暖 我还不懂坚持 正好让我 学会去爱 我曾经看见困难 变得胆小 不够勇敢 但还是要相信 相信感觉 相信简单 有一天 等我懂得事实也许更会幸福 至少现在让我去相信 哦 我还是会相信 相信感觉 相信简单

it's complicated!!!

It's complicated!!! Love is so complicated sometimes although it should be simple!!! But, it is something we cannot control. n is our feelings which makes love so complicated!!! hmmm, to me, i prefer to have a simple love rather than those complicated ones!!! Coz, hurts might be everywhere as ''booms'' might be every place if you are not precise enough in the pathway of love. Love should be mutual. Mutually give n take if true love exist between each other. One shud not give too much but didn't gain anything in return or vice versa. Mutually trust is important as well as love is all about trust mainly. If you do not believe your partner, how can you be honest to him or her or else you might be suspiciously checked on what he/she do, who he/she hangs out with, where he/she go and when she/he will be backed?? Lots n lots of questions due to lack of trust, faith and honesty.

Girls might not easily speak out their true feelings to someone they love. WHY?? It's jz because they simply do not want loved ones to worry too much about how they feel but not to purposely keep it to themselves. They might be probably think for their loved ones. But, if their loved ones can take girls' problems easily, it will be good though to pour it out as your burdens might be shared or you will realize that there is someone who are so willing to listen to you as he loves you!!! It's great isn't?? This is the foundation of honesty of love n will build up more n more if both share out their problems n both is patience to be a listeners n advicers if is needed. So, love will be much more easier and simple but sweet though.

Yeap!! Here comes the most difficult things about love. It is we don't know that someone we love will love us instead. It's hard to find out sometimes because once we find out rejections might be given, we will be hurted. So, many of us do not want to find out coz they don't want to get hurt n they jz giving all silently n secretly. But, it's really sacrificial though. Then, things will turn complicated once you find out he/she doesn't love you. Hmmm....it is sad though....you fall for him but he doesn't realize or not even notice...But, it's alright.....think that way '' Don't you deserve someone who loves or fall for you as well??'' cheer up girls!!!

Lastly, love shud be simple instead of being too complicated!!! '' Listen to the words, and you can be fooled. Look at the actions, and you can be fooled. Feel deeply into your heart, and then you will know the truth. Who makes your heart soar now? Well, what are you waiting for?'' ....i copy this phrase from a test from fb....it sounds good at the first part...we might be fooled by many things or words n actions. However, isn't we really can know the truth by feel deeply into our heart?? To be honest, i can't!!! simply maybe i fear.....so i avoid.....HAHAHA....don't think too much girl....love shud be simple n beautiful and is all from God, the greatest king!!!

smile!!! sing!!!

i was quite down last few days due to many things. I can't really have the energy or regain it to fight for the rest of the days, weeks n months because i can't find out a purpose to be alive.....physically alive but with a dead soul. i seems like a zombie walking here n there when time reaches or i have a class to attend. i lost my smiley face, cheerful heart with great enthusiasm and a strong willpower or determination to accomplish what i had promised!!! That's horrible n torturing.....living but don't for what....n jz know i have to live....

hmmm....yesterday night, gorgor was chatting with me. He asked me '' how are you mui??''. That was the first time i really don't want to say out how am i to him because i don't want him to worry as he is examing...but finally i poured out all...n tears fall naturally......long time didn't see gorgor already....i miss him so much....i saw his blog....a touching n inspiring story which is really really push me up from the depression. I love one of the phrase '' live passionately for a cause and fight for it for Him no matter how much you need to sacrifice or how hard it will be''.....hmmm, the phrase was like a click which awake me from those insignificant questions which had bothered me for few days and i had sleep deprived because once i close my eyes, a sound came '' jane, how are you going to live through tmrw?? how?? why you want to be alive??? what is the purpose to live??'' .....The repeating same askings kept on flashed through my mind everytime i close my eyes....then tears fall unconciously....n my pillow got wet...it was like nightmare!!!

But, last night was a peaceful one....gorgor accompanied by willing to sing a song to make me sleep...it was sweet indeed!!! n finally i had a really really nice n calm sleep...the song is ''someday we'll know'' which has really really good lyrics....haha....i appreciated a lots because i have family here...a bro who never ever leave me alone when i need him as like family will never ever leave you when you need them. This is how nice you see......how sweet.....like a guardian angel who is delivered by God to me by His grace.....

n This morning was a nice one as well...there were 2 kiwis smile to me. Those were warmy smile which healed small parts of my hurts n filled little space of my emptiness in heart. I love to see ppl smile to me. A simple smile may change one's mood of a day or may make some differents of one's life. A simple smile has its great power which bring joy, encouragement, support, and life to someone. Thus, smile as much as you can to ppl....they will feel it one day n it is worthy to do so!!!

SMILE GENEROUSLY!!!

hmmmm....this was a simple but joyful post with grateful heart from me-a girl which is leading her simple life passionately for a cause n promise.

''An out of tuned song may touch someone and make her calm n sleep in the embrace of peace,

A simple smile with lovely heart may bring a change in her life n mood,

A lovely heart n willingness may make her feel loved as a family as he never ever let her go or leave her alone.''

当。。。

当好累了，人总是想休息，
当太安静，人总是想找个伴，
当路上只有你，人总是想赶快回家，
当害怕了，人总是想逃走，
当全世界都只会叫你笑，人总是只会对自己傻笑，
当压力来时，人总是会想尽办法挡下，
当睡不着，人总是会想明天要怎么过，
当找不到存在的美，人总是随便过日子，
当自己给自己戴上面具，人总是会伪装，
当失去了一切，人总是更渴望得到，
当哭泣了，人总是自己把眼泪擦干，
当无助了，人总是会低声下气地求救，
当灵魂消失，人总是不懂为何生存，

当我对着电脑傻笑和掉眼泪时，擦掉泪水的好像只有我自己，拼命擦，它却拚命地掉，不知道为什么，它一直掉，不停地掉。。。。‘小姐，你不是已经告诉自己不会再掉眼泪了吗？为何每一次都做不到？？为何要掉呢？？没有人会帮你擦的，不要掉了！！’

yea......tears fall....like raining....non-stopping......suppose not to cry....suppose to be strong....suppose to learn to be.....suppose to be emotionally independent.....SUPPOSE!!! but, i FAILED!!! don't know why my tears fall...i can only express through blog....n only it's like my diary...at least i have it....

God, your daughter is tired....lost her soul....lost her cheerful heart n smile.....n she is not strong at all although how different is her life is every single day....

live dead ???

sigh......SIGH......
the first day of the second sementer was really really really SIGH!!!!
OKAYS...i was totally late to the first lecture...
then, i got my new timetable but....
my teacher are all SIGH....not really good ones.....all will jz make me sleep in class!!!

my expectations fail....
the whole uni seems like a dead tree which is totally lack of water and sunshine....it is jz too too bored n quiet.....actually, i was backed with a cheerful and excited heart....and hope so much that some of the boring teacher will not teach me....but the results was totally opposite....sigh.....

yea....all of us were like live dead zombies walking in the rain with chilly wind....no energy at all!!!
Hey guys....where was the strong energy you all used to have??? where was it gone?? WHERE??
Hmmmp.....i am a living entity with dead soul now.....no more excitement, no more laughters, no more yellings, no more '' byebyesssss'' to be heard from friends, no more '' How are you??'' to be asked, no more expectations.....it is jz too DEAD!!!

i was listening to the topic of '' seminar presentation'' the whole day.....n i felt stress!!!! There are 2 main assignments for english ''research essay'' n '' seminar presentation''....sigh.....STRESS!!! n i felt that the foundation building seems like haunted house ey, it is so quiet n all the tutors are missing....so scary....i was waiting outside one of the room alone...n it is the last room of the whole roll....hmm....so scary ey.....i miss those noisy sounds which everyone always waiting n chatting.....i miss the walking sounds of each n everyone....i miss the door opening sound which always jz too hard n loud....i miss i miss i miss everything!!!!

raining....
with an umbrella.....
walking on the quiet pace....
pushing by the strong wind.....

each step....
with a pair of inactive legs....
walking in the loneliness precisely....
strong wind broke the only umbrella....

accompaniments.....
with an expecting heart......
walking n walking still no ones.....
wind destroys the weak body cruelly....

physically....
with a strong immunity initially.....
walking with strong body which defeated all.....
yet, all turn to be weaker n weaker as days passes....

days by days....
praying with a sincere heart.....
yet, things turn another ways round....
i am not sure whether i am live or dead....
i am not sure whether when i can live....
or when will i die physically, spritually , mentally.....

live dead soul.......you are scary n torturing!!!!