Would you?? No, you wouldn't, you had left silently, i'm glad that you had left, so,would you pls leave the core which is still aching as well?? as you would never ever be there....
Today is gonna to be a pretty brief one....... I really really truly want to say a Very Big Thank You to Him!!! I got 5 out 6 for my chem lab test which i thought that it was initially screwed up by me. I thought i would get even 1 point, not even 1. But, God gave me a surprise...a chance...an encouragement. After getting the mark, He speaks to me, '' I gave you every single seconds, every minute, every hour, every day, week and months as a chance. A chance to do better for me, a chance to learn to cherish things that i had done and am doing for You, a chance to draw nearer to me, a chance to stand up for me after every falls, a chance to believe me, a chance to say you love me.''
AWWWW..... YOU----The Omnipotent, ALL Powerful, Incomprehensibly loving God, I Love You!!!
''Ability may take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.'' - John Wooden.
hmm, my low ability in academic really really drag my faith and confidence down. There are jz so much need to be done everyday, so much need to be squeezed and stored into brain, They took away my sleep, my courage.... Yet, it doesn't really give you an assurance that, ''WOW, I did well!!! '' It doesn't for now... maybe it didn't really been done well, maybe i didn't really put enough efforts. heaps of maybe-s marching in my mind. heaps of fears covering my whole heart. It's jz heaps and heaps.... Heaps to be done...be swallowed.. heaps to be sacrificed...be paid off.. Then heaps of good news will come.....
Before i go off to bed, i really really want to say, A Big Thank You to,
My lovely flatties, who are giving me fully supports during exam...
seb, who texted me ''don't stress, God bless!!!'',
Johanna, who kept texting me physic jokes and the one who leads all prayers for us,
Alicia, my super duper lovely lg leader who always pray for me b4 everything is gonna to start and happen,
Carol, who will always flick me a text to add on my strength and Fear NOT!!!
Fiona, who send me a very long and touching text after she read my blog i guess....weehee!!!
Dorothy, who always teach, encourage, and advice me what to do when i'm so confused, helpless, lost and tempted by some other insteads of focusing on studies...
Dennis & Ade, who send texts to me as well, teach me how to deal with my study time and method, and umat stuffs....
Ginny and Ah gong, who are the lovely one, they came to send me medicine when i'm sick and always take good care of me by treating me good food (yumyum)!!!
Joel and Vicky, who sent me a ''de-stress packet'' to reduce my stress level----their homemade lovely and yummy cookies....hehehehe =))
So, in the midst of darkness and loneliness, i'm not walking all by myself, i'm not running in the single marathon, i'm not racing alone, i'm loved by awesome people, they are the stars in the only blue sky, they make my life shines, they make me different, they make me loved......
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I'M BLESSED.... I'M LOVED... N I LOVE THEM...
This song sing my heart out... Today, early in the morning, i have lifegroup bible study,we learn about whole chapter of Ephesian 3, it's really awesome. Because i found out that the whole chapter speaks to me.
I have to admit that I am that kind of shy and discouraged person. It could be said that ''i'm not that friendly and approacable to everyone.''. But, i'm really really trying my very best to say ''hi'' to everybody that i bump to no matter where and who. Yet, i feel that i always do insufficiently...It's jz not enough. And the result of my 'hard-to-approach'' to people, i have less friends...less trusted friends who i can really speak to, who i can pour my heart to, who i can study with and who i can grumble to. So, i'm becoming more quiet now...well,isn't people call maybe you're getting more mature so less in talking but choose to listen more instead?? Hmmm....i don't think so...i jz reckon that i'm not alright...How could a person who likes to talk and share, as time flies, she is becoming more and more introvert and quiet?? Well...i wonder who am i now...hmmm..a very good question to think about...
Well, about love, not about the ''BGR'' one, what i actually mean is about the love for people around me. Hmmm, i seem to be selfish nowadays or i jz don't know how to open my mouth and invite or offer. I used to love people so much. But, now, i found it's so hard for me to open my mouth to offer, like ask people want to taste the food that i order. Hmm...i wonder why...maybe i scare..i fear..that i maybe burst out with something wrong through my mouth. This is what people call lack of confidence and faith?? I suppose....i dislike myself being like this..it's jz something i can't accept and allow myself to have..THE SELFISHNESS!!! =((
I'm someone who is torn but still alive because of His Love. I'm someone who is so unworthy to receive His Love everyday but He tells me that ''You're worthy, my girl.''. I'm someone who is not pretty enough but He whispers to me that'' You're beautiful in my eyes''. I'm someone who is so selfish, someone who don't know how to love, but He says '' You're willing to learn, you have the heart for it, you're not selfish, you're jz don't know where to start to love, jz sometimes find it hard to express your love to others. But, in my eyes, You're lovely.''
Lord, if i ever not know and believe you, i wouldn't have the faith to believe myself. If You not ever love me, i wouldn't grasp how wide, how deep, how immeasurable, how indescridable...How GREAT is Your LOVE!!!
'In Him through faith in him we way approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.'' ephesian 3:12-13
It's Your Love...I'm worthy...I'm beautiful...I'm who you specially made...I'm unashamed..
Because of Your Love...I'm trusting...I'm learning...I'm crawling out from my fear...i'm doing my best for You...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....i'm HAPPY today!!!! We have a really nice and interesting talk during dinner today :) Ah Ha?? we're gonna to sing ''Steven is gonna has a GF, Steven is gonna has a GF!!!'' Why we're so excited about it?? because we care!!! we're a big family!!!
Hmm, talk bout love, romance and relationship.... everyone has different opinions and perpectives... But, everyone care about the how long the relationship is going to sustain?? How well you know about the special girl or guy?? How sure can you promised that you'll be faithful, so does she/he??
Those are the first part of questions everyone's mind pop out. Then, Kim and Wei (who are those in a relationship) start to teach steven many kinds of methods to ask the girl out...or might jz bring her home and we're all gonna have a glance on her :)) HAHAHAHAHA.....
Why i said that we're like a family, sometimes more that siblings?? coz, ~when some of them wanna to go out for a date, they'll ask opinions from all of us on what kinds n colours of clothes should he/she wear in order to look as perfect as possible. (done by Wei) ~we share the happy or sad things which had happened during the day when dinner. ~we comfort, encourage and support each other during exam and test period. ~we go library to study together and get groceries as well. ~we play boardgames and say jokes together. ~we cook for each other. ~we care for each other in the ways of when we came home, who we're going out with and where and do what... ~we fight with each other sometimes, esp me and wei =) ~we are like a big family!!!
I really can't wait to create more n MORE memories and happy moments with you guys!!! I am loved by those ppl (kim, sal, ivy, wei and ste)..... coz i'm the youngest!!!
N thank you Thank You n THANK YOU, YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!! =))
But the Voice of truth tells me a different story the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!" and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory" Out of all the voices calling out to me I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth
once again, To climb out of this boat i'm in onto the crashing waves, To step out of my comfort zone into the realm of the unknown, the kind of faith it takes, i surrender ALL to You.......
walked back from lib in the midst of the night... was accompanied by the only blue sky... i lifted up my head and start to admire the beauty of the only blue.... it was really beautiful although it's jz cover with a colour...
meanwhile, heart is full of excitement and anxieties... why?? two is better than one?? hmmm... people byside seems to be in another world of two.... but only me, seems like the only blue sky without stars shinning on it.... Yet, still, i'm enjoying life without two....
sometimes ''only blue'' is beautiful too... simple, clean, attractive,nice albeit dull sometimes... Yet, could embellish by jz a star with small dim of sparkling light... as in girls as ''only blue'' jz need a simple love to fulfill her life.. simple love with sincerity, commitment, trust and god's approval....
Thus, ''Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.'' -Leo Buscagila.
Only blue, the odd one, Yet will be the brightest, when a star shines on it...... =))
You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you.
Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak, But if you feel like I feel, Please let me know that it's real. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off you.
I love you, baby, And if it's quite alright, I need you, baby, To warm a lonely night. I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say: Oh, pretty baby, Don't bring me down, I pray. Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay And let me love you, baby. Let me love you.
well, i am so addicted to this song today!!! lolss!! hmm...this song strikes my heart that i can't take my eye off Our Father Lord. He is the lover of my soul... I need and love him so badly... well, you might think i'm kind of a weirdo... But, the feeling of this kind of LOVE is jz so true every single moments in my life...It's jz pushing me through every challenge in life =)
I love this verse so much ''Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?? (Proverbs 20:6) Sometimes, i might wonder that 'Isn't the person who claims that he loves me faithful enough to be my man??' or in another way round, 'Isn't I am able to be faithful enough to be someone's lady??' or 'Who will be really faithful enough??'
hmmm.....to me, till now, only Him (The awesome papa above) is jz so faithful enough as He never ever leave....He is always there...and the other man who is faithful enough is my dad, a man who loves God so much, a man who loves his family so much, a man who is unconditionally love me so so much!!!
I thanks God for giving me such a lovely dad...someone who is more than a dad but as a super duper great friend of mine!!! :)
somethings matter, somethings don't, once you had done your very best, it's enough.....all is well.....
it applies on how you treat ppl too, once you treat them the best you can, it's enough.....all is well.....
sometimes you do care, but some didn't even want to give a glance on you, some didn't even ask how had you been, some didn't even remember who you are, But, ask yourself, don't you give enough love and cares? don't you always remember ?? once you give in sufficiently, it's enough.....all is well....
seek for your priority, somethings we have to pay full price, there will never be on sale, no shortcuts for such achievements, only endurance is the price tag for victories... so once you give in all you can, and leave the result to God, it's enough....all is well...
So, to conclude, Don't Care too much about the uncertainities!!! As He has a plan for anything, everything, all is well :)
fear jz like needles...pokes and covers my whole heart...
till it numbs........
as my feet...it can numbs more than 10 times a day...
i can feel there are millions of needles poking on my feet....
soon it lost its feeling.....become spongy....soft...
then i need to put it straight to recover....
hmmm....annoying huh??
well....Abba Father....please please and please...give me sharp wisdom n mind...let me focus well...n let what i had memorized stay in my mind....
(quiet time today: if you wonder ''how much more can i take??'' Bishop JC Ryle: ''The only we may be assured of, that if tomorrow brings a cross, He who sends it can and will send the grace to bear it.'' In God's kingdom it works like this : Faith tested, character refined, abundance given.)
'' Here in Your presence we are undone, Here in Your presence heaven and earth become one, Here in Your presence all things are new, Here in Your presence everything bow before You.''
hmm....this song strikes my heart strongly today during worship, esp the first and the last phrase. In His presence, we are undone. We are jz someone who is being bornt newly. In front of Him, i felt so broken....jz someone who is so incomplete in all ways. Sometimes, i wonder why He still love me as i am so terrible and useless?? Coz His love is divine...is unconditionally..is so wide..is forever ever...is irreplaceable =))
Yea....in His presence everything bow before Him. I was so didn't feel like going to church today. My worries, anxieties and fear over the coming tests outweigh everything in my life, even Him. I felt so guilty as i had a really bad thought to skip church today as i knew i can't steal God's time to do things of my own. I felt so wrong when i was singing this phrase....everything has to bow before Him, nothing can outweigh Him.....jz NOTHING is more significant than Him....
I heard a voice speaking to me during the worship moment, He said ''Jane, don't you ever know everything has to bow before me?? EVERYTHING.....do your best....leave the rest to me....n bow before me!!!'' In that moment, i knew God's heart had been broken by me, He is crying as His daughter never put Him in the very first place and put trust in Him. I felt so bad...so guilty...so so condemned...
I am learning.. learning to put trust in Him.. learning to do my best n leave the rest for Him.. learning to live everyday with His presence.... learning to survive with His divine love.....
Well, easter camp had over...yet, the strong spirit of love n passion towards God is still so strong within my heart. ''Draw near, Hold fast & Go forward'' is the theme of the camp,10. Hmm, in spiritually, i had grown more n more. Drawing nearer to Him....pour out myself from inside out to Him this time....esp on saturday night. On that night, when pastor Then was holding the prayer sessions halfway in worshipping, i walked out from the crowd with one of my friend, dorothy, we kneeled down n leader approached to pray for us. We cried out our soul, our struggles, our pains to Him. For me, i always smile in front of ppl...seldom show my sadness or disappointments to ppl..seldom pour out myself to ppl...always n always pretending. However, on that night, i jz don't care how ppl look at me...i jz want Him...jz want Him comes into my life once again. The part which touches me so much is when all of the hsfy-ers hugged together n pray. We prayed for each other. We cried out our fear n pain in front of each other. We united in christ. How amazing is it?? jz pray n pray for hours....pray for each other's worries, pains, fears, problems and weaknesses......after tears dropping n praying, i felt so relieved...i felt there is peace....i felt God is always with me....walk with me =)
Then, the 2nd thing which amazed me tremendously is when all the leaders helped us to wash our feet. At first, i wonder why they want to help us to wash our feet. Then, melia told me it's because Jesus humbled himself to help his apostles to wash their feet, so do we leaders. We need to humble ourselves to serve Him n His people. Humilation and willingness with sincerity are necessities when serving. She told me that one day i will be washing ppl who i am serving too. I was like ''WOW!!!'' when serving, we need to be humble n sincere.
eugene was washing cyrus's feet.....
Lastly, dawn worship was really really impressive, which amazed me a lots. Although i did complaint that wake up by 6 am was honestly too early after a long day, but somehow it's worthy. As all of us made an effort to wake up early to worship together while waiting for the sunrise...to see the wonders of God's creations. It was really nice when all of us came together to worship Lord with our voices as there was only guitar accompaniments...so our voices outweighed the guitar's...so yea...it's pretty cool n awesome.
we started to worship from the dark......
Then, slowly, there is small dim of light.......
gradually, stronger beams of light was being painted on the sky....nice right??
beams of light getting brighter n brighter....how's amazing huh??
Tada!!! daylight break through......i love it!!! how beautiful....woooottttsss!!!
So, Good morning ppl...it's a brand new day....a brand new life of all creatures...so do me =))
eugene was washing cyrus's feet.....
So, Good morning ppl...it's a brand new day....a brand new life of all creatures...so do me =))