it's not the end!!! it's matter how u going to finish!!!
During the weeks....i am questioning myself : '' jane, are you going to give up?? are you stillgoing to be so weak to wait for sympathy and comforts from people?? are you still going to live under the shade of the pains?? are you still going to isolate yourself by stop hoping for any miracles??? are you still going to be a hypocrite?? or else....ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH STRONG?????
3 weeks to go exam is coming.......2 more assignments to due in......1 more heart to be fully heal!!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
never ever......
yea......i had finished my summary presentation today....such a memorable day!!! 31 August 2009, i cried but no for the '' merdeka '' of Malaysia, but for my ''never ever'' 15 mins long individual presentation in New Zealand!!!
hmmm....i didn't really do well yet at least i did it!!! i was the third one who was choosen by random to present my article. Before that, early in the morning, i rush to school lib to print out my OHT.....grateful i managed to print it out anyway.....haha...then i rushed to due in my english group report b4 9.oo am.....hmmm......hectic eh?? rushing here and there like bee..
awwwwwwwww............presentation got started!!!!! i was so nervous......heart is shivering as much as hands and legs......yet, i have a supportive team who are cheering and praying for me as well....i was amazed by their love and care.....even more amazed by the loved ones.....it's my turn to stand in front of ppl to give a brief speech.....nervous and panicked man!!!!
someone did told me '' do your every best to Him!!! He will be a loyal audience and give you the greatest applause for what you had done!!!''
jane '' wow.........i was amazed and impressed!!!''
someone hugs me after my presentation and pats my head and said '' girl, relax...don't be afraid!!! it's all over!!!''
jane's tears fell.............hugging her so tightly.......the first hug i had in NZ with full of love and comfort.......jane's tiredness, fear and sense of lost all lies on her body for a while to rest....so jane cried as she never ever did that in front of friends here......as jane never ever show her weaknesses and pains......as jane never ever dare to speak out.....
someone knows she is tired......she is fear....she is worried....yet she cling on God so much so much as she needs to...
jane did cling on God.....yet, she didn't take out her heart to fully believe Him....as in reality, She rely on ppl more than God.....She knows she cant......
'' when i burnt the paper which is wriiten my secret sins......i felt relieved.....but burst in tears when i was repending my sins by prayers''
hmmm....i didn't really do well yet at least i did it!!! i was the third one who was choosen by random to present my article. Before that, early in the morning, i rush to school lib to print out my OHT.....grateful i managed to print it out anyway.....haha...then i rushed to due in my english group report b4 9.oo am.....hmmm......hectic eh?? rushing here and there like bee..
awwwwwwwww............presentation got started!!!!! i was so nervous......heart is shivering as much as hands and legs......yet, i have a supportive team who are cheering and praying for me as well....i was amazed by their love and care.....even more amazed by the loved ones.....it's my turn to stand in front of ppl to give a brief speech.....nervous and panicked man!!!!
someone did told me '' do your every best to Him!!! He will be a loyal audience and give you the greatest applause for what you had done!!!''
jane '' wow.........i was amazed and impressed!!!''
someone hugs me after my presentation and pats my head and said '' girl, relax...don't be afraid!!! it's all over!!!''
jane's tears fell.............hugging her so tightly.......the first hug i had in NZ with full of love and comfort.......jane's tiredness, fear and sense of lost all lies on her body for a while to rest....so jane cried as she never ever did that in front of friends here......as jane never ever show her weaknesses and pains......as jane never ever dare to speak out.....
someone knows she is tired......she is fear....she is worried....yet she cling on God so much so much as she needs to...
jane did cling on God.....yet, she didn't take out her heart to fully believe Him....as in reality, She rely on ppl more than God.....She knows she cant......
'' when i burnt the paper which is wriiten my secret sins......i felt relieved.....but burst in tears when i was repending my sins by prayers''
Thursday, August 27, 2009
door closed
once the door closed...though how willing you want to get into it.....you can't!!
once the door closed...though how hard you strive to get into it.....you can't!!
once the door closed...though how much you expect to get into it...you can't!!
once the door closed...though how sincere you want to get onto it...you can't!!!
Not understand right??? hahaha......this my feelings now......the door is closed and i am getting tired to break or damage the door because it is impossible!!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
HAHAHA.....
THE REAL JANE IS BACKED!!!
ALTHOUGH NOT ENTIRELY BUT HALFWAY TO SUCCESS!!!
I AM TIRED YET I AM STILL
ALTHOUGH NOT ENTIRELY BUT HALFWAY TO SUCCESS!!!
I AM TIRED YET I AM STILL
- LIVE CONTENTLY
- LAUGH JOYFULLY
- SING HAPPILY
- LOVE GENEROUSLY
- SERVE WILLINGLY
- DANCE FREELY
- DO DARINGLY
- SURVIVE STRONGLY
- PRAISE GRATEFULLY
- PRAY CONSISTENTLY
YEA.....YO......LALALALALALA.........SMILE FOR MILES!!! =)
Monday, August 24, 2009
fading.....
失去了以前支撑自己的力量，
以前所谓的难兄难弟，
现在全部都消失了，
找不到可以让我放声大哭的肩膀，
听不到以前那么美的鼓励和安慰，
我过得好像机器人一样，
赶着上课，写报告，考试，煮饭，整理家的大大小小，
我很累了，跟本就没办法好好吃和睡，
做在电脑前面，眼泪就会掉不停，
走在人多的路上, 寂寞却在我身边环绕，
开始害怕人群，开始讨厌热闹，
开始学会一个人傻笑，开始习惯一个人哭泣，
长大了吗？放下了吗？原谅了吗？接受了吗？
我只知道我累了，害怕了，担心了，
if can, pls don't ask me '' How are you??''.....If can, pls walk as far as you can from me......If can, pls don't show me you care.....If can, stop giving me any expectations or hopes......i learning to forgive and forget....letting go is not that easy....my life is not that easy....understanding who am i is not easy.....unless you willing.....or else all in vain......i am still trying my very best to survive each moment.....coz that's not easy!!!!!
the next one who is willing to hold my hands tight......
the next one who is willing to give me a single glance.....
the next one who i can lean on and depend on.......
the next one who can open and enter my heart.....
i bless you first.....i thank you also!!!
以前所谓的难兄难弟，
现在全部都消失了，
找不到可以让我放声大哭的肩膀，
听不到以前那么美的鼓励和安慰，
我过得好像机器人一样，
赶着上课，写报告，考试，煮饭，整理家的大大小小，
我很累了，跟本就没办法好好吃和睡，
做在电脑前面，眼泪就会掉不停，
走在人多的路上, 寂寞却在我身边环绕，
开始害怕人群，开始讨厌热闹，
开始学会一个人傻笑，开始习惯一个人哭泣，
长大了吗？放下了吗？原谅了吗？接受了吗？
我只知道我累了，害怕了，担心了，
if can, pls don't ask me '' How are you??''.....If can, pls walk as far as you can from me......If can, pls don't show me you care.....If can, stop giving me any expectations or hopes......i learning to forgive and forget....letting go is not that easy....my life is not that easy....understanding who am i is not easy.....unless you willing.....or else all in vain......i am still trying my very best to survive each moment.....coz that's not easy!!!!!
the next one who is willing to hold my hands tight......
the next one who is willing to give me a single glance.....
the next one who i can lean on and depend on.......
the next one who can open and enter my heart.....
i bless you first.....i thank you also!!!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
a nice song.....
我哭了又哭，我知道我不能这样，不可以这样，但我真的真的好累，累到我好想停下来，好想休息，好想听听你的声音，好想看着你对我笑，什么都不用说地抱着我，但我却假装很坚强，再也不去多看你的一切。。。。你要我做的，尊守的，我都做了。。。但你永远也不会懂我是怎么过的。。。谢谢你总是出现在我梦里。。。。那样就够了。。。谢谢
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Improvement.......
yea........
i did make some improvement in socialising.....tonight, church is having cafe service. Then suddenly in the afternoon cyrus, my lg co. leader asked to whether i can be usher or not...hmmm...without thinking too much, i promise him....yup, when i nearly reach church, suddenly i felt afraid....questions pop up on my mind '' what should i do as an usher??? what is cafe service about?? ''....i did in confusion that moment......haha....
finally, i reached church.....yet i didn't really dare to walk into the main centre coz that's so many ppl la!!! i am fear of ppl........sigh......someone come out and take me in at last....thx dor!!!
start ushering now......we are the'' all black'' ushering team....hehe.....it's quite fun to serve ppl and bring them to their sits....welcoming them.......simple yet i am finally serving in God's temple in nz!!! that really take me quite a big courage to open my mouth and smile with ppl.....yet, i did improve!!! =)
hmmm.....time allows pain fades.....time allows ppl to grow....yet, remember everytime whenever you are being dropped or you are so down....nothing will more than God's love to heal every soul and heart with his amazing works and miracles....
''让爱换个季节再开花结果，
看时间把伤口酿成了收获，
在风雪里最美的还是抱着你，
但也只是偶尔想起的回忆。
让爱换种感情再重新拥有， u comes out in my dream yesterday....
就算失去牵手好那种温柔， ask me not to be fear....
我还是会感觉到你牵着我， i cried to you in that dream........
我会把回忆全部存在心中。" jz cried without saying any words........
u touch my head to soothe me.....
i know your promises will not fail.........
thanks for coming into my dream........
i did make some improvement in socialising.....tonight, church is having cafe service. Then suddenly in the afternoon cyrus, my lg co. leader asked to whether i can be usher or not...hmmm...without thinking too much, i promise him....yup, when i nearly reach church, suddenly i felt afraid....questions pop up on my mind '' what should i do as an usher??? what is cafe service about?? ''....i did in confusion that moment......haha....
finally, i reached church.....yet i didn't really dare to walk into the main centre coz that's so many ppl la!!! i am fear of ppl........sigh......someone come out and take me in at last....thx dor!!!
start ushering now......we are the'' all black'' ushering team....hehe.....it's quite fun to serve ppl and bring them to their sits....welcoming them.......simple yet i am finally serving in God's temple in nz!!! that really take me quite a big courage to open my mouth and smile with ppl.....yet, i did improve!!! =)
hmmm.....time allows pain fades.....time allows ppl to grow....yet, remember everytime whenever you are being dropped or you are so down....nothing will more than God's love to heal every soul and heart with his amazing works and miracles....
''让爱换个季节再开花结果，
看时间把伤口酿成了收获，
在风雪里最美的还是抱着你，
但也只是偶尔想起的回忆。
让爱换种感情再重新拥有， u comes out in my dream yesterday....
就算失去牵手好那种温柔， ask me not to be fear....
我还是会感觉到你牵着我， i cried to you in that dream........
我会把回忆全部存在心中。" jz cried without saying any words........
u touch my head to soothe me.....
i know your promises will not fail.........
thanks for coming into my dream........
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