剩下的路。。。

我不能陪你走完的路，你一定要好好地过。也许我只能陪你走到这里，但这段路却是我人生中最美丽和耀眼的。谢谢你陪我走过，我会用一生来记得你那认真又顽皮的模样。加油！！！i believe that there is someone who is willing to accompany, help, teach and encourage you. So, the rest of ur journey...what i can do is just praying n praying n praying for you....learn to be mature and blessing to people...may god bless you in your entire life...n remember ''you will never walk alone!!!''

PU1B2

i heard that tmrw teacher might suffle our class again.....don't want la!!! super no mood!!! i love my class PU1B2.....REALLY LOVE IT!!! Pls let me stay for my last week in stk....pls god!!! i want to enjoy staying , studying , chit-chatting, rushing to lecture hall, eating lunch, complainting about teachers who are irresponsible, get scolding from PA and CHE teacher, sharing, doing experiments, arguing, making jokes, sleeping and even going toilet with them, makes me really happy and joyful...although 2 weeks...but we all seems know each other for many years already!!!


Anyway,my dear PU1B2~~I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I WILL MISS YOU ALL!!!REALLY!!!

courage 勇气

how much courage do i need to persuade myself '' jane, just go!!!'? who will be the one at my side when i shout pain? can i take care of myself? how much energy and strenght do i need to go through this challenge? who will be the one at my side when i cry and helpless? who will be the one who always share my burdens and troubles? who will be the one who is willing to teach and help me in my academics? who will be the one who will never leave me alone? who? who? who?

其实，我比谁都害怕和担心，我只是不断地压抑自己的情绪，强颜欢笑的自己已经觉得很累了，太累了，心再也没有力量跳动，嘴再也无法像以前一样灿烂微笑，手脚也似乎没力移动，但有一位神却一直告诉我；‘我的女儿啊，你要勇敢，要坚强，要相信，要放下，我会背着你走完人生的道路因为你是我的女儿。’

unwiiling...

unwiling....unwilling....unwilling to go la!!! many ppl say:' hey girl, y u so stupid? or u won't have the opportunity again!!! r u understand??? today, we do an experiment in chemistry laboratory....the che teacher is so cool and strict....give us a question, then ask us to find our apparatus ourselves...we seem like a swarm of bees buzzing in the lab...searching for the 'hidden tools'....so funny and happy. She loves boys more than girls....n likes to say :' lelaki beratur depan, perempuan pergi belakang!!' or 'lelaki duduk di depan, perempuan duduk di belakang!!'
so...so...so unfair.....but still happy insteads....haha...

i got no choice to choose....i have to fulfill dad's dreams before mine.....so, although how unwilling i am and i need to stay alone there without any accompaniments by my cousins, i still need to go.....coz i have no choice......

jane, be brave!!!

no more blaming....no more turning back....no more excuses....no more unwilling to leave....no more influences....finally, i persuade myself to go...to explore...to be brave...to search for happiness there...'i really don't know is that really my choice'....but i know that is the perfect plan and opportunity for me....although i have to walk through alone and less happiness and smiling.

I am thinking and wondering.....' jane, is that the route God want you to go? is that the route ur parents want you to go? is that the route you want to go?' At last, i really don't know.....what i know is just to be an obedient girl...obey ppl words....and crying....'why am i so useless?' 'why my heart ask me to stop when i almost reach the last step?' 'why am i so unwilling and unbear to leave?' 'why can't i be brave a little bit?'

although how many questions i have asked myself...there is no answer....i need to be brave although i m unable...i need to be happy although i m not....i need to fulfill the dreams of ppl although that is not mine....i am praying and praying : 'god, pls take away my tiredness of wondering and confusing....pls take away my loneliness....pls take away my life if u r willing to...pls give me strenght and courage to live on...pls give me someone who i can depend on...pls give me some comforts and encouragement...pls give me someone i can cry on her/his shoudler....pls give me some guides.....pls tell me ' jane, be brave!!!'

stranger....

form 6 stk......my previous school...seems like a stranger to me....not familiar anymore....

i really don't know why it become so unfamiliar to me...friends who i have been studied with them for 5 years also seems like strangers to me...no more happiness...no more excitement...yet what i can feel is loneliness....students from other schools are walking, chatting, eating, playing and sitting according with their own 'school' group....except me.....so sad and down...a girl who i don't recognize is sitted on my left side while one of my primary classmate is sitted on my right side....both sides are chatting happily with their friends...i keep silence during the whole programme...i m thinking 'why i am so lonely?' , 'don't they know i m still there?' or ' am i transparent?'...i hate the feeling...i hate it....

then, i start to imagine all kinds of scene that may be happened in nz...i m asking myself ' if the same situation which is happening here is repeated in nz...sure i will be dead!!' Haiz....''adapt, accept, try, cheer up, u can do it, be the best....etc'' those words i have heard again and again from everyone...but 'am i really that strong to face it?'...i am so confused and afraid.....a person has told me 'someone who loves to cry doesn't mean that she/he is not strong or brave..maybe she just doesn't know how to express and share her current feelings, moods and status with words....and that is you!!!'

Am i gutless?

Haiz....i always asking myself ' Am i too gutless? ' and ' why am i so afraid of f6?' Actually, i really don't know why am i so gutless to study f6. Maybe i hate stress and competition, i hate ppl laughing at my poor result if i study f6, i hate friends who will become enemies during exam, i hate the teachers who are irresponsible in teaching and i hate the feeling of hurting and abandoning by friends. So, i want to have a change.....


I was a girl who liked to rely and depend on my friends, esp him. He is the only one who really understands me. He always reminds me to work hard and pay attention in my studies...teaches me addmath, akaun, chemistry and physics...cares about my meals when we have extra class...reminds me to bring those important notes and books to school because i am a "blur girl" and even knows that i only use the second piece of tissue paper...i am extremely grateful to God as He had given me a great helper and perfect angel who had accompanied 5 years in stk. I must not to be so greedy to ask for more. I must be satisfied. I told him ' i will not be able to live and study myself, i need u to guide, teach and help me because i m not that smart!!! I am careless and gutless too! I afraid of many things!!' But he said 'U must grow up, be mature, be independant, be strong and i believe that u can do it as u are a girl with strong determination!!' After i heard his encouragement, i told myself :' It's the time to grow up, Jane!!!'

I am not gutless!! I just want to study happily!! I just want to be Jane who loves to smile!! so, pls stop laughing and saying 'u r GUTLESS!!!' I know i am too cares about critism of ppl to me coz sometimes it hurts my heart deeply. However, i know that as a christian i must not care about the critism of ppl...because ' everyone is specially made by God and we are special in His eyes.'

I will miss them...

jensen & jane
jane & liwen(my best sis)

Derrick seems like still in his own dream...haha


hihi....with a loving couple....



they say i seems like closer to Jensen...'oops..sry kokwei, i
am not voluntary!'




All of us.....hooray!!!



Yeah!!! all pretty girls....haha

oh no!the flash light too strong la!

make my eyes close!!! angry!!

jxi~jane~najihah~fafa

wooo...they were so concentrated....hihi..

i surreptitiously took their photo!

'BEAUTY AND THE BEAST'

The sampat guy's birthday!!!

jxi...u didn't know got a person took ur photo meh?

in KFC

we were enjoying our lunch....

haha, we were having fun in Jensen's birthday,hooray!!! however, i was feeling sad on that day coz it maybe was the last time we managed to gather together...when we were taking pictures, my tears almost fell down, i m so unwilling to leave them. Liwen suddenly shouted 'Jane, don't cry!!!We would be ur "shoes" wherever u go! Our heart would follow you!!!' I was touched by her words, my tears dropped disobediently. They knew i was a 'crying baby' who loved to cry in any situation. I was extremely gratified that they made me laugh lastly...hahaha

I will miss them......

maybe i will not hv the chances...

i am dreaming days and nights that i will have the chances to worship , praise , pray , listen to conference and even chit-chating with them. So, i am being so envious of them. But i know i will not have the chances or the chances is so slim...

i admire them when they can being so confident on the stage to worship and praise the Lord.
i admire them when they can chat and gossip so happily among each other.
i admire them when they always care and love their church sisters and brothers.
i admire them when they go out to play and eat together.
i admire them when they pray for each others in all situations and hardships.
i admire them when they do their quiet time together in camp.
i admire because they can laugh so happily and naturally among each other.
i admire because their lives are so fullness with God's love!!!

i have to admit that my english is so poor...
i don't have the confident to speak or chat with them...
i am so afraid yet i am begrudged and envied...
i think i will not have the chances to experience the fruitful life...but i hope i will walk through it in future......

a friend told me......' when your way seems darkest, when your eyes with tears are dim, straight
to God your Father hastening, Tell your troubles all To Him.'

i prayed....'God, pls give me a fruitful life. I want the chances come to me. I want to live for You!!'