no more blaming....no more turning back....no more excuses....no more unwilling to leave....no more influences....finally, i persuade myself to go...to explore...to be brave...to search for happiness there...'i really don't know is that really my choice'....but i know that is the perfect plan and opportunity for me....although i have to walk through alone and less happiness and smiling.
I am thinking and wondering.....' jane, is that the route God want you to go? is that the route ur parents want you to go? is that the route you want to go?' At last, i really don't know.....what i know is just to be an obedient girl...obey ppl words....and crying....'why am i so useless?' 'why my heart ask me to stop when i almost reach the last step?' 'why am i so unwilling and unbear to leave?' 'why can't i be brave a little bit?'
although how many questions i have asked myself...there is no answer....i need to be brave although i m unable...i need to be happy although i m not....i need to fulfill the dreams of ppl although that is not mine....i am praying and praying : 'god, pls take away my tiredness of wondering and confusing....pls take away my loneliness....pls take away my life if u r willing to...pls give me strenght and courage to live on...pls give me someone who i can depend on...pls give me some comforts and encouragement...pls give me someone i can cry on her/his shoudler....pls give me some guides.....pls tell me ' jane, be brave!!!'
No comments:
Post a Comment