HUGE.....

Yup.....i was totally lost....lost in a wide jungle without any road i can walk to...
i was chased out by the landlord today...after 10 days....
i may not have any places to stay or i will win in the arguement tmrw...
sigh......i was murmuring to myself ''How come like this??? How come??''
i blamed God again...''WHY?? WHY?? WHY??''.....
''why You want to push me to the dead end with no more road i can move towards to??''

I am so small....so little....so weak....so tired...
so unlucky also.....but i act....
act to be strong....act to be happy...
act to be nothing was happened now....
ACT....PRETEND.....

and i thought that i had became so strong...
i will not cry anymore...not even a drop of tears....
but...who knows...i did cry to myself....
assignments.....exam.....stress......now being chased!!!
i was liked '' wow.......that's a HUGE one!!! really!!!''
i lost my focus on studies......totally lost....truthfully...
lost the direction You gave......
lost the Faith to You...
lost.....lost....and lost....the only place to stay now though!!!!
ya...i am homeless.....

Now, what i had to do is to fight for the right tmrw......stdy hard tonight.....
pray to You.....seek for You consultation....and stop crying and complaining and blaming!!!

yupe...today morning....i was being complained and criticized that my epi report is not perfectly done.....is not that good as others....Dont you want to know who did that?? not my tutor...not the sickening kiwis.....is SHE......''the kiasu sarawak girl!!!!''....
i got somethings to pour out to her but i swallow it back again coz i dont want to hurt her...
'' Hey girl....don't you know that this report made me had lots of sleepless night?? don't you know that i am the only one who rearrange.....review.....correct......add more.....double check....print...and mostly do the report by myself??? Don't you ever know and experience how tired am i?? don't you ever think to help and share my burdens as you are in the group too???
don't you ever ask the progress of the whole report?? don't you ever care for ppl who sacrifice a lots to do this ??? don't you ever think of what had you contribute b4 you start to criticize on ppl works ??? don't you ever be appreciated on what ppl had done for you and your very precious marks??? DON'T YOU ???? girl.....i am so proud of myself that i can be able to finish the report without asking any help from you and the others....i am so proud that i hand in finally b4 9am although class starts at 10.....don't you know??? so.....if can....PLS SHUT YOUR MOUTH B4 I FIRE YOU!!!''

Yup.... a HUGE stone attacking me now......HUGE ONE!!!

'' a little jane who is so strong will tired also.......all she needs is You!!!''