give it back to me!!!

Pls............pls.............pls.........give it back to me!!! pls don't take it away again!!!
somebody pls tell me how to reject??? i want my laptop back!!!!!

Should i be so kind to lend him mine???
but how to say ''no'' in such things??
i really want to use it!!!
pls don't take it away!!!

tiredness....

My new life and journey in new zealand makes me extremely tired than f6 in kluang....

Everyday, when i have to go for dinner with my foster parents and the korean, i have to think what topic we suppose to chat together otherwise we might be so quiet and strict, it is a tiring things...

In the morning, i have to make breakfast for myself, have to take bath with th super hot water which may burnt my skin and have to walk a very long distance to taka bus to school....although i haven't go to school yet, but when i imagine. i start to feel tired and terrible...

When the time is 6pm, i had to go to the kitchen to serve dinner...n knock the door of the korean guy for dinner....then after we have our dinner, me and the korean must wash the dishes....but he always wash for me....hehehehe...

There is quite a lots of rules too!!! Firstly, i cant take my bath after 10pm and before 6am. Then, i can only take my shower for 10 mins(i cant even adjust the water temperature coz it takes almost 10 mins to adjust it). Next, must go for dinner together at 6 pm and do some preparation together. Then, must close the curtain when 5 pm and open it again in the morning. Furthermore, must switch off the light and heater before i sleep and wheni left home. Do not open loud music after 10pm. Before i sleep, i must heat up my wheat bag to warm my body. Do not get drunk and smoke. Do not bring guys into ur room during the night......and a lot more!!!

I am soooooooo tired to hear and do that!!! I cant even complaint to my parents coz my uncle will scold me. I am so frustrated la!!! I asked myself '' Isn't that my life....why you don't allow me to say anything??? I cant even have a person to say to no matter how hard is my life now!!! I bear and bear !!! That is not me!! I can talk a lot in my house....now i can only say '' i am fine!!'' I cried and cried to myself....''

My body and mind is so tired!!! I don't even want to move!!! n my foster parents dislike christian....so they seems like not really like me...when they asked me '' Jane, what types of songs u love to play the most with piano???'', i answered excitedly '' church songs''....They kept quiet for a while and asked my cousin the same question....but she answered '' i didn't play church songs but i prefer to play classical songs''.....they were so excited to hear that and straight away asked her to play a song for them...i was so disappointed!!! '' Isn't that's any problems with church songs?? Isn't that the church songs are not nice to hear???''....i really don't know the reasons...

I prayed '' God, i am so tired u know? my body is going to separate to many pieces...i am so sad and dissapointed!!! i need help...yet no one comes to me....i need someone to say to...but i got scolded!! I am not really like the chinese church i went today...but my uncle said just go la!!! I am soooooo tired!!! I cant even make my decision myself....always have to listen and obey!! I really want to be a bad girl if i can.....god...even my foster parents seem like unfair to me..coz i am a christian...i nearly lose my faith...and no people adore, appreciate and treasure me!!! i am just a 18 years old girl....entertaining makes me soooooooooo tired god....pls take away everything...it's so suffering!!! amen.''

'' Therefore we do not lose heart.Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day'' (2 corinthians 4:16).....this describes my life now!!!

you better stop it!!!!!

someone tells me ''YOU BETTER STOP IT!!!''
i cried...it's hurting.....seems like a deep cut into my heart....
so painful...til i lost the feeling....i don't even know how to smile...
i am begging.....pls stop saying that......i cant take it....sorry!!!

oh man!!! i am a normal person....i have feeling !!! i got feeling !!! i got mood !!!
not only you will feel worse....so do I !!!

''old uncle............thanks for making me laugh and smile in the early morning...that's miracle.....i smile with tears....old uncle............that's painful!!! terribly painful!!! you told me you know the feeling......you told me if you are leaving you also will not feel excited at all....you told me you were so sorry for me........you told me that i will not be kicked away by ppl......you told me that things will turn out to be great there.......you told me you will teach me guitar when i am back for holidays.....you told me being sticky is quite ok......you told me you will be there for me......you told me after 70 years we might meet in heaven......old uncle.......i don't really know you....but thanks for such great encouragement....it's make me alive!!! thanks....old uncle....''

the fellow who asked me ''YOU BETTER STOP IT!!!''....i forgive you....''我不是真的要你回来，只是害怕一个人看海''.........i know i cant give you what you need...but i hope you will search for what you really need.....i am learning to grow up....i hope you too!!! i will stop it as you wish....but i will never stop praying for you....that's the only thing i can do!!!

can i ??

so many people wishing me '' ALL THE BEST!!!'', ''YOU CAN DO IT!!!'' , ''JIAYOU!!!'' , ''I BELIEVE THAT U CAN!!!'' and ''JUST GO!!!''....
actually, i dislike to hear that because i am the one who experience and walk through it....how you all know i can.....how??? i don't even have the faith....i am so afraid....

i shouted :'' CAN I???''

MISSION...

i have a great mission to accomplish in my next 5 years....woohoo

the mission is :
~become a better person
~become a better daughter
~become a better sister
~become a better women
~become a better future wife
~become a better friend
~become a better christian as well

i hope after the next 5 years, i will be able to:
~say''I LOVE YOU'' to my mom & dad
~say''SORRY'' to my mom & dad
~be a humble as well as confident girl
~help the people who need my help
~grow up mentally and spiritually...not physically
~love God more and more everyday
~bring the''precious paper'' back to glorify His
name & let my mom & dad proud of me
~take care myself and others as well
~become a lovely girl who loves to smile

in future, i want to:
~tell my son ,daughter and grandchild about my experience and the proud
histories i had
~love and serve God till i die
~love my mom and dad
~love my future husband...be a great parents as well
~be volunteers to help the people who need help
~have a wonderful real life

7 days before i leave........that's the great MISSION i have to accomplish it........pls pray for me....thx.....

剩下的路。。。

我不能陪你走完的路，你一定要好好地过。也许我只能陪你走到这里，但这段路却是我人生中最美丽和耀眼的。谢谢你陪我走过，我会用一生来记得你那认真又顽皮的模样。加油！！！i believe that there is someone who is willing to accompany, help, teach and encourage you. So, the rest of ur journey...what i can do is just praying n praying n praying for you....learn to be mature and blessing to people...may god bless you in your entire life...n remember ''you will never walk alone!!!''

PU1B2

i heard that tmrw teacher might suffle our class again.....don't want la!!! super no mood!!! i love my class PU1B2.....REALLY LOVE IT!!! Pls let me stay for my last week in stk....pls god!!! i want to enjoy staying , studying , chit-chatting, rushing to lecture hall, eating lunch, complainting about teachers who are irresponsible, get scolding from PA and CHE teacher, sharing, doing experiments, arguing, making jokes, sleeping and even going toilet with them, makes me really happy and joyful...although 2 weeks...but we all seems know each other for many years already!!!


Anyway,my dear PU1B2~~I LOVE YOU ALL!!! I WILL MISS YOU ALL!!!REALLY!!!