hmmm, i felt that i am so useless when i saw how strong is my lil nephew who is only 3 years old...he had food poisoning last few days and being hospitalized for a night. We all are so worried about him coz he is so small in size. When the nurse wanted to pierce the needles into his small n skinny arms to get some blood n another one is to provide some glucose to him to make him alive, he didn't even cry...not even yelled or shouted....how strong he is???
i was standing by the bed to see what the nurse going to do to him. I even felt chilled when i saw the needles go into his fair flesh, i felt not good at all. Heart is pain when i saw the scene.....it's really cruel.....but no choice, to heal him from sickness, this is the only way u see....the only way...
i have a lots of thoughts after i saw the happening of whole incident....heart-striking but it's a good lesson which really inspired me....how useless am i who needs a 3 years old boy to teach me to be strong?? if he can make it....why can't i?? i should be strong as him....no shout, no tears, no blamings, no demands, no complaints, n no more making myself struggling till lost the pouching of heart and the living soul....
what dororthy said is truth.....why don't you try to let go as time flies??? you said you wanted to let go but your love tight your heart too tight till you can't see what is in front of you!!! This will only make yourselves struggle!!!! Pls try to do what you had told yourselves to....at least you tried....don't be fear!!! It's a good time for you to speak to the Lord, to close to Him, to lean on Him as much as you can and to love Him as He does!!!
i was standing by the bed to see what the nurse going to do to him. I even felt chilled when i saw the needles go into his fair flesh, i felt not good at all. Heart is pain when i saw the scene.....it's really cruel.....but no choice, to heal him from sickness, this is the only way u see....the only way...
i have a lots of thoughts after i saw the happening of whole incident....heart-striking but it's a good lesson which really inspired me....how useless am i who needs a 3 years old boy to teach me to be strong?? if he can make it....why can't i?? i should be strong as him....no shout, no tears, no blamings, no demands, no complaints, n no more making myself struggling till lost the pouching of heart and the living soul....
what dororthy said is truth.....why don't you try to let go as time flies??? you said you wanted to let go but your love tight your heart too tight till you can't see what is in front of you!!! This will only make yourselves struggle!!!! Pls try to do what you had told yourselves to....at least you tried....don't be fear!!! It's a good time for you to speak to the Lord, to close to Him, to lean on Him as much as you can and to love Him as He does!!!
There is a line between love and myself. Do i step both my feet on the love side or the side of myself??? or vice versa?? Do i jz tickled my toes on the love side but more to myself?? hmmm....i think i am the one who step both my feets on the love side and totally forget how to love myself more...it's the wrong way i know....it should not be like that...i should love myself more rather than give too much but nothing in return and end with strugglings.....i should be strong....should be cheerful....should be brave.....should LOVE MYSELF as God loves me so much!!! keepppppp theeeeeee faithhhhhhh my girl!!!
after the whole incident, my lil nephew still hang his lovely smile on his face although i know he is in pain. Yet, he jz smile.....a strong smile which inspired me so much to forget the pain n the past to continue life each day and to run towards the end with strong willpower n faith!!!
See.....how strong he is.....i can also be....it's only the matter i am willing or reluctant to really really put it down from heart...not sayings only but really do it....really go through the tough times to wait upon the sweet ones to appear or approach to me one day!!!
God always use different ways to push me up, to remind me and to mend me by his potter hands.....once i regreted that my tears fall in front of him as he asked for the chances, once i blamed myself when i spoke harsh words although my intention is good, once i let the matters be anyways as it will turn to, once i carried all the sins on my own shoudlers and once my heart stop pouching as it was tired of loving and more.....yet, i realized that i learnt a lots from love...love is more than a feeling, it's commitment which needs loyalty, responsibility n trust!!! I am learning to be more mature after mourning......n i am WILLING to be!!!
hmmm......need to go back to nz by tomorrow!!! mummy asked '' are you afraid??'' i was stunned by her asking actually but i replied ''No, i am not!!!''....HAHA...It's jz words to let her feel less worries.....Actually...i did feel afraid.....maybe there might be lesser n lesser supports from ppl but maybe this is the time God wants me to be closer n closer to Him each day.....hmmm....shooooooo all the insecure thoughts n feelings.........haha........i want to survive even though no ones by myside but You will always be there i know!!!
Going to miss Malaysia so much so much!!! Going to miss you guys here so much so much!!! Going to spend my last day in Malaysia this year (2009)!!! Going to run Run RUN towards the end STRONG!!!!
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