reality vs faith....

someone told me.......reality and faith cant be balanced or we cant even find a balance between them...once i lose my faith towards God....no matter how much i prayed and how hard i prayed....i cant even see the results or efficiency....so i am lost!!!

once i lose hope on people...
once i was too emotional till my loved ones left me.....
once i was blaming too much on what i had....
once i could not accustom to all those sudden changes....
once i got hurt so badly and deeply....
once i hate promises from people.....
once i wish to runaway from everything.....
once i wish i can be backed....
once i totally depressed and defeated by reality....
even till i lose my real self......lose who i am actually....

yup.....undeniably, prayer is not magic.......cant be all achieved and gained in one day or even one month or years.....reality entirely defeated my faith towards Him.......cling on Him to me is such a difficult stuff......yet, now........i am the one who got the chances to choose.....someone told me '' You are stronger than what you think....even stronger than me....''.....suspiciously, i was wondering..''am i?? am i my dear bro??'' hahaha.....growing.....i am growing each day.....i choose to believe in Him even though i lose everything.....i choose to have faith on Him which may defeat the reality.....i am still searching the real self back.....haha.....there is so many people who love me......God always place lovely people in my life to help me find the way out of lost...or to push me to walk forward the journey......so i appreciated Him......halleluyah.......cling on Him girl.....don't let go.....Hold Him tight....