hmmmmmm.......

hmmmmm.........
i fear........

~fear no place for me to stay next year.....
~fear that i cant read finish my bio for the test the day after tomorrow.......
~fear that i cant manage to illustrate all the graphs....
~fear that my group members dont want to bother the epidermiology presentation.....
~fear that my english group members don't want to bother the groupwork...
~fear that i will be deducted mark coz i haven't write my journal and i don't know the topic....
~fear that i will fail in my english summary presentation.......coz i don't really understand......
~fear when the moment my cousin sis suddenly get angry and bang the door so loudly.....
~fear when the moment i want to take out all the money to buy groceries and she don't even care.
~fear when i was walking back from the library alone in the middle of the night........
~fear when ppl around me wondering why this girl is always alone in the same place....
~fear when the moment my uncle call to criticize me.......
~fear when ppl around me speak good english but i am not......
~fear when the results are out and ppl compare......
~fear when one day i really collaspe......coz i havent accomplish my mission.....

i fear............really............
~wanna cry yet my tear is so strong......
~wanna sleep yet so much things come into my mind when i lay down.........
~wanna smile yet i am not that happy and enjoy.......
~wanna talk yet i had no more strenght and energy.......
~wanna blame yet that's useless.....

''God.....i called.......You answered!!! i am waiting for Your answer.....You had trained me till so strong in front of ppl......You had trained me not to complain so much.....You had trained me to face my depression....God, i need You so much......really need You so much....''

i stole a phase from cyrus's blog ''unanswered prayers protects....breaks....deepens and transform!!!''

Finally...my tears fall when i am writing this entry.....