Broken into pieces...

i had broken into pieces...
nobody will understand how painful it is...
nobody will care, not even a single word of comfort...
well, i used to be so emo till people leave me without leaving a word...
Then, i tried to change...till someone who lost her almost every emotion...
Smile doesn't mean i'm happy,
sad without a tear falling down my chin,
disappointed without telling anyone but God,
angry but not even show my black face to people...
mum teached me to bear with patience...
even though offended by ppl sometimes,
just bear it with all i have...

I remembered that wei asked me before that '' why i changed because of what people say or people left you without a proper good reason??''
I said '' coz he breaks me into pieces, till i can't even love myself anymore, till i started to hate myself, that's why i changed''
He said '' No, you shouldn't. You are jane, the only special one in the world, no one else you could be replaced with. You are emotional girl. Then, admit it that you're. Not to be ashamed of it. Not to be afraid of it. You are you who God's special made living creature!!! ''
I cried...first time i cried in front of him....
The tears which i disallow myself to fall all burst out in a time....

Now, i cry again because of my failure...
so broken...torn..
so painful everytime i think of my failure..
so sorry about my failure and let my parents down...
so useless in the way that i can't do anything well...

picking up the pieces needs so much time, effort, trust, faith, wisdom, tranquil.....
don't you know ???

say goodbye...

so hard to say goodbye to the person or things you cherished, you loved so much...
so hard to comfort yourself that there is still a way to break through...
so hard to accept the truth that NO, NO OTHER WAYS ANYMORE....
so hard to believe that You will not cheat on me again and again....
so hard to be good and to carry on or to live on...

so goodbye for everything for now...even this!!
Last and goodbye for now..
let me take a breather...
silence may make me feel better...
when everyone cares about how high you soar, only those who truly love you cares about how tiring you are when you are soaring...

crumbled...i need a rest to carry on...

Last and it is broken :(

Would You know my name if i saw You in heaven??
Would You be the same if i saw You in heaven??
Would You hold my hands if i saw You in heaven??
Would You help me stand if i saw You in heaven??
Would there be no more this in heaven??

梦想破碎的那一刻，
就像心里被几千百万刀割，
让你忘了痛的感觉，
但那份遗憾就像刀疤，
也许这一辈子没有办法愈合，
为什么要送我来却让我跌倒谷底？
为什么说好会牵好我的手一起走的却成了谎言？
我知道不应该问为什么，应该相信你的，
但我却不懂得如何走下去，
爸爸说人啊，走到了尽头，就是上帝的开始，
你要开始了吗？你会遵守你的承诺吗？
我很害怕，
害怕得不敢再相信，
害怕满满的希望全落空，
害怕未来的路不知该怎么走，
害怕失败，失去，失落，
很怕，真的很怕。。。

Last and it's broken...
the little dream of mine is broken,
the little hope and faith is broken,
the little heart of mine is broken,
what left is only the ugly scar.....

Would You let me see You are real ??
Would You let me know You love me??
Would You let me believe again that You're bigger than everything??

Take the wheel pls...
drive me to somewhere You want me to go...

knock on the stupid me!!!

This time really sighhhhhh....
cels = knock on the hardhead of stupid me!!!
How?? How?? HOW??
how to be bigger than this??
how can i keep memorising it without forgetting??
dieeeeeeeee......dieeeeeeeee!!!
perhaps, i really not suitable to do science.....
SIGHHHHH......

i really don't how to carry on....
couldn't sleep, couldn't eat,
what goes in, all come out,
the heart, the faith all sink,
no hope, no tomorrow, no future,
oh God, pls help!!!
You said You're here,
but where are You now??