Hmm...
i'm disappointed on myself...
I'm disappointed in everything i'm procrastinating...
I'm scared i fail so, i withdraw,
I'm scared what if people know my stories,
so i always lie, lie to the world, lie till i can't even reach my own stories...
I'm terrified of people's sympathy as it's not love,
I'm terrified of judgement as it's not care,
I'm terrified to let ppl step into my little own world....
coz i scare expectations fail, love fails understandings fail,
so, i choose to build the wall as high as possible,
i choose to harden my fragile heart so it won't break so easily,
I choose to let myself to be the strongest one,
I choose to smile and laugh everyday even though inside is so bitter.....
who am i?? i can't even tell u if u throw such a question to me...
i will just say i don't know, really i don't...
Love me means understand me??
Nope....all and all is only disappointments and disappointments instead....
So, no more jane!!! NO MORE....
Stand up, be yourself!!!
Fight for Him.....
LIVE FOR HIM...
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Goodbye to you !! :)
After the kinda long talk to you on skype,
i reckon that we have changed so much since the thing had past for a very long time,
still, not really long enough for me to get ready to get into another courtship,
But, i'm very sure that finally i have get over you!!
Goodbye to you!!!
Goodbye to everything that i knew about you!!!
HOOO!!!
Finally...
After such a long time,
After such a heartbroken experience,
After such a longsuffering healings,
i FINALLY GET OVER you!!!
and you know what?
i FINALLY can encounter myself,
and the reality of you love her
with all my blessing and pretty smile!!!
NO MORE JEALOUSY!!
NO MORE SORROW!!
NO MORE PAIN!!
HOW AWESOME huh??
and i know that i'll take good care of myself,
i'll let myself to live happily,
i'll let myself to have a life that i want so much,
i'll do everything that i promised Him for Him and His people,
i'll be a better person afterall!! :)
And, kudos to Wei :))
Thanks for the accompaniment till so far,
Thanks for reminding me to be myself yet not ashamed,
Thanks for the bearing and patience,
Thanks for being there to talk to me, and listen,
And i'll be given the best man ever by Him in one point of my life..
coz i'll be loved....
i reckon that we have changed so much since the thing had past for a very long time,
still, not really long enough for me to get ready to get into another courtship,
But, i'm very sure that finally i have get over you!!
Goodbye to you!!!
Goodbye to everything that i knew about you!!!
HOOO!!!
Finally...
After such a long time,
After such a heartbroken experience,
After such a longsuffering healings,
i FINALLY GET OVER you!!!
and you know what?
i FINALLY can encounter myself,
and the reality of you love her
with all my blessing and pretty smile!!!
NO MORE JEALOUSY!!
NO MORE SORROW!!
NO MORE PAIN!!
HOW AWESOME huh??
and i know that i'll take good care of myself,
i'll let myself to live happily,
i'll let myself to have a life that i want so much,
i'll do everything that i promised Him for Him and His people,
i'll be a better person afterall!! :)
And, kudos to Wei :))
Thanks for the accompaniment till so far,
Thanks for reminding me to be myself yet not ashamed,
Thanks for the bearing and patience,
Thanks for being there to talk to me, and listen,
And i'll be given the best man ever by Him in one point of my life..
coz i'll be loved....
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A Prom :)
Well,
i really wish to go to a prom with you in blue someday :)
it'll be very awesome i suppose!!!
That pic shows the ''blue'' that i wish both of us wearing in our first ball :)
The strip line blazer shown above is as similar as yours!! and i wish to wear the dark-blue dress shown to suit you!!:)
pretty cool huh??
Then, in the prom,
we shall hold each other this way,
we shall dance this way,
we shall take each other hands and dance,
we shall embrace each other with love,
we shall make it works till marry!! :)
A little princess fairy tale of mine :)
pretty childish,
yet, still, i hope it's going to come true in some point of my simple plain life :)
A charming prince in blue tie with his blazer on, comes with a bouquet of white roses and daisy, pick me up on time into his clean, shimmering car, lovingly we go to a ball with romance and excitement!! :)
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Have i told you lately or would you listen??
Have i told you lately that i love you??
Or would you ever take a glance on me??
I'm not a gentle, smart, pretty and hot one...
yet, simple till sometimes i wonder who am i....
Lately, friend here and there all done with their singleness...
Only me, still in stagnant....
Love yet probably not the right time, right one,
Love yet probably no wisdom to make it soar,
Love yet probably no security and hope in it,
Love yet probably no courage to express by words....
And now i realized that, the ball of love is not in my court, nothing such as i want to give a shot, then it will definitely make it work....Not the broken me can control.....
The ball is in God's hand, and he is the only who calls the shots...
so we can see the shooting stars,
and make it even more beautiful :)
Or would you ever take a glance on me??
I'm not a gentle, smart, pretty and hot one...
yet, simple till sometimes i wonder who am i....
Lately, friend here and there all done with their singleness...
Only me, still in stagnant....
Love yet probably not the right time, right one,
Love yet probably no wisdom to make it soar,
Love yet probably no security and hope in it,
Love yet probably no courage to express by words....
And now i realized that, the ball of love is not in my court, nothing such as i want to give a shot, then it will definitely make it work....Not the broken me can control.....
The ball is in God's hand, and he is the only who calls the shots...
so we can see the shooting stars,
and make it even more beautiful :)
Monday, July 12, 2010
Oh God You are my God...
I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride...
Your words and love is the medidation
from the rising till the settling of the sun...
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
grief...
Lost of a child is a grief to a mother,
Lost of his wife is a grief to her husband,
Lost of a dream is a grief to a pursuer,
all leads to heartbroken......
we go to denial because the lost is unthinkable,
so we let go and move into acceptance,
grief may be a thing we all have in common,
yet, it looks different on everyone,
It's not only death we have to grief,
is life, is lost, is changes sometimes,
and when we wonder why it sucks so much,
or it hurts too badly,
the thing we gonna to remember is to turn it on and dine,
So, when it hurts so much till you can't breathe,
this is how you survive.....
till one day, somehow, impossibly,
it won't feel this way, then it won't hurt this much,
But, the really crappy thing, the worst part of this,
is that you can't control it and let it go is all we can,
Still, the very worst part is that the minute you think you passed,
it starts all over again,
and always everytime it takes your breathe away...
Lost of his wife is a grief to her husband,
Lost of a dream is a grief to a pursuer,
all leads to heartbroken......
we go to denial because the lost is unthinkable,
so we let go and move into acceptance,
grief may be a thing we all have in common,
yet, it looks different on everyone,
It's not only death we have to grief,
is life, is lost, is changes sometimes,
and when we wonder why it sucks so much,
or it hurts too badly,
the thing we gonna to remember is to turn it on and dine,
So, when it hurts so much till you can't breathe,
this is how you survive.....
till one day, somehow, impossibly,
it won't feel this way, then it won't hurt this much,
But, the really crappy thing, the worst part of this,
is that you can't control it and let it go is all we can,
Still, the very worst part is that the minute you think you passed,
it starts all over again,
and always everytime it takes your breathe away...
Monday, July 5, 2010
You must have something to live for, or maybe just the possibility of something....
This phrase sticks in my mind after i watched Grey's. So inspiring...
When the life breakdowns, when we breakdown, there's no science, we just have to feel our way through....
Actually, it really hard for me to stand up again...it really does coz it matters!!!
and i care, i really do....
you didn't tell anyone it hurts you, doesn't mean it's not painful.
you didn't show your depressing face, doesn't mean you're not sad about it.
The pain is there, still there....
It breaks me into pieces....
Yet, i still doing my very best to live, to live for the One who make the world turns around, to live for the possibility of something.....
This phrase sticks in my mind after i watched Grey's. So inspiring...
When the life breakdowns, when we breakdown, there's no science, we just have to feel our way through....
Actually, it really hard for me to stand up again...it really does coz it matters!!!
and i care, i really do....
you didn't tell anyone it hurts you, doesn't mean it's not painful.
you didn't show your depressing face, doesn't mean you're not sad about it.
The pain is there, still there....
It breaks me into pieces....
Yet, i still doing my very best to live, to live for the One who make the world turns around, to live for the possibility of something.....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Broken into pieces...
i had broken into pieces...
nobody will understand how painful it is...
nobody will care, not even a single word of comfort...
well, i used to be so emo till people leave me without leaving a word...
Then, i tried to change...till someone who lost her almost every emotion...
Smile doesn't mean i'm happy,
sad without a tear falling down my chin,
disappointed without telling anyone but God,
angry but not even show my black face to people...
mum teached me to bear with patience...
even though offended by ppl sometimes,
just bear it with all i have...
I remembered that wei asked me before that '' why i changed because of what people say or people left you without a proper good reason??''
I said '' coz he breaks me into pieces, till i can't even love myself anymore, till i started to hate myself, that's why i changed''
He said '' No, you shouldn't. You are jane, the only special one in the world, no one else you could be replaced with. You are emotional girl. Then, admit it that you're. Not to be ashamed of it. Not to be afraid of it. You are you who God's special made living creature!!! ''
I cried...first time i cried in front of him....
The tears which i disallow myself to fall all burst out in a time....
Now, i cry again because of my failure...
so broken...torn..
so painful everytime i think of my failure..
so sorry about my failure and let my parents down...
so useless in the way that i can't do anything well...
picking up the pieces needs so much time, effort, trust, faith, wisdom, tranquil.....
don't you know ???
nobody will understand how painful it is...
nobody will care, not even a single word of comfort...
well, i used to be so emo till people leave me without leaving a word...
Then, i tried to change...till someone who lost her almost every emotion...
Smile doesn't mean i'm happy,
sad without a tear falling down my chin,
disappointed without telling anyone but God,
angry but not even show my black face to people...
mum teached me to bear with patience...
even though offended by ppl sometimes,
just bear it with all i have...
I remembered that wei asked me before that '' why i changed because of what people say or people left you without a proper good reason??''
I said '' coz he breaks me into pieces, till i can't even love myself anymore, till i started to hate myself, that's why i changed''
He said '' No, you shouldn't. You are jane, the only special one in the world, no one else you could be replaced with. You are emotional girl. Then, admit it that you're. Not to be ashamed of it. Not to be afraid of it. You are you who God's special made living creature!!! ''
I cried...first time i cried in front of him....
The tears which i disallow myself to fall all burst out in a time....
Now, i cry again because of my failure...
so broken...torn..
so painful everytime i think of my failure..
so sorry about my failure and let my parents down...
so useless in the way that i can't do anything well...
picking up the pieces needs so much time, effort, trust, faith, wisdom, tranquil.....
don't you know ???
Thursday, July 1, 2010
say goodbye...
so hard to say goodbye to the person or things you cherished, you loved so much...
so hard to comfort yourself that there is still a way to break through...
so hard to accept the truth that NO, NO OTHER WAYS ANYMORE....
so hard to believe that You will not cheat on me again and again....
so hard to be good and to carry on or to live on...
so goodbye for everything for now...even this!!
Last and goodbye for now..
let me take a breather...
silence may make me feel better...
when everyone cares about how high you soar, only those who truly love you cares about how tiring you are when you are soaring...
crumbled...i need a rest to carry on...
so hard to comfort yourself that there is still a way to break through...
so hard to accept the truth that NO, NO OTHER WAYS ANYMORE....
so hard to believe that You will not cheat on me again and again....
so hard to be good and to carry on or to live on...
so goodbye for everything for now...even this!!
Last and goodbye for now..
let me take a breather...
silence may make me feel better...
when everyone cares about how high you soar, only those who truly love you cares about how tiring you are when you are soaring...
crumbled...i need a rest to carry on...
Last and it is broken :(
Would You know my name if i saw You in heaven??
Would You be the same if i saw You in heaven??
Would You hold my hands if i saw You in heaven??
Would You help me stand if i saw You in heaven??
Would there be no more this in heaven??
梦想破碎的那一刻，
就像心里被几千百万刀割，
让你忘了痛的感觉，
但那份遗憾就像刀疤，
也许这一辈子没有办法愈合，
为什么要送我来却让我跌倒谷底？
为什么说好会牵好我的手一起走的却成了谎言？
我知道不应该问为什么，应该相信你的，
但我却不懂得如何走下去，
爸爸说人啊，走到了尽头，就是上帝的开始，
你要开始了吗？你会遵守你的承诺吗？
我很害怕，
害怕得不敢再相信，
害怕满满的希望全落空，
害怕未来的路不知该怎么走，
害怕失败，失去，失落，
很怕，真的很怕。。。
Last and it's broken...
the little dream of mine is broken,
the little hope and faith is broken,
the little heart of mine is broken,
what left is only the ugly scar.....
Would You let me see You are real ??
Would You let me know You love me??
Would You let me believe again that You're bigger than everything??
Take the wheel pls...
drive me to somewhere You want me to go...
Would You be the same if i saw You in heaven??
Would You hold my hands if i saw You in heaven??
Would You help me stand if i saw You in heaven??
Would there be no more this in heaven??
梦想破碎的那一刻，
就像心里被几千百万刀割，
让你忘了痛的感觉，
但那份遗憾就像刀疤，
也许这一辈子没有办法愈合，
为什么要送我来却让我跌倒谷底？
为什么说好会牵好我的手一起走的却成了谎言？
我知道不应该问为什么，应该相信你的，
但我却不懂得如何走下去，
爸爸说人啊，走到了尽头，就是上帝的开始，
你要开始了吗？你会遵守你的承诺吗？
我很害怕，
害怕得不敢再相信，
害怕满满的希望全落空，
害怕未来的路不知该怎么走，
害怕失败，失去，失落，
很怕，真的很怕。。。
Last and it's broken...
the little dream of mine is broken,
the little hope and faith is broken,
the little heart of mine is broken,
what left is only the ugly scar.....
Would You let me see You are real ??
Would You let me know You love me??
Would You let me believe again that You're bigger than everything??
Take the wheel pls...
drive me to somewhere You want me to go...
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