tiredness....

My new life and journey in new zealand makes me extremely tired than f6 in kluang....

Everyday, when i have to go for dinner with my foster parents and the korean, i have to think what topic we suppose to chat together otherwise we might be so quiet and strict, it is a tiring things...

In the morning, i have to make breakfast for myself, have to take bath with th super hot water which may burnt my skin and have to walk a very long distance to taka bus to school....although i haven't go to school yet, but when i imagine. i start to feel tired and terrible...

When the time is 6pm, i had to go to the kitchen to serve dinner...n knock the door of the korean guy for dinner....then after we have our dinner, me and the korean must wash the dishes....but he always wash for me....hehehehe...

There is quite a lots of rules too!!! Firstly, i cant take my bath after 10pm and before 6am. Then, i can only take my shower for 10 mins(i cant even adjust the water temperature coz it takes almost 10 mins to adjust it). Next, must go for dinner together at 6 pm and do some preparation together. Then, must close the curtain when 5 pm and open it again in the morning. Furthermore, must switch off the light and heater before i sleep and wheni left home. Do not open loud music after 10pm. Before i sleep, i must heat up my wheat bag to warm my body. Do not get drunk and smoke. Do not bring guys into ur room during the night......and a lot more!!!

I am soooooooo tired to hear and do that!!! I cant even complaint to my parents coz my uncle will scold me. I am so frustrated la!!! I asked myself '' Isn't that my life....why you don't allow me to say anything??? I cant even have a person to say to no matter how hard is my life now!!! I bear and bear !!! That is not me!! I can talk a lot in my house....now i can only say '' i am fine!!'' I cried and cried to myself....''

My body and mind is so tired!!! I don't even want to move!!! n my foster parents dislike christian....so they seems like not really like me...when they asked me '' Jane, what types of songs u love to play the most with piano???'', i answered excitedly '' church songs''....They kept quiet for a while and asked my cousin the same question....but she answered '' i didn't play church songs but i prefer to play classical songs''.....they were so excited to hear that and straight away asked her to play a song for them...i was so disappointed!!! '' Isn't that's any problems with church songs?? Isn't that the church songs are not nice to hear???''....i really don't know the reasons...

I prayed '' God, i am so tired u know? my body is going to separate to many pieces...i am so sad and dissapointed!!! i need help...yet no one comes to me....i need someone to say to...but i got scolded!! I am not really like the chinese church i went today...but my uncle said just go la!!! I am soooooo tired!!! I cant even make my decision myself....always have to listen and obey!! I really want to be a bad girl if i can.....god...even my foster parents seem like unfair to me..coz i am a christian...i nearly lose my faith...and no people adore, appreciate and treasure me!!! i am just a 18 years old girl....entertaining makes me soooooooooo tired god....pls take away everything...it's so suffering!!! amen.''

'' Therefore we do not lose heart.Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day'' (2 corinthians 4:16).....this describes my life now!!!